Nathan's on vacay. Should we have a party? Maybe a ball?

[Mira]

So, isn't it tradition to have a party while Nathan is away?

Last time we had a great party, if you don't mind that we burned down the building and - you know - that thing with the monkeys.

This time I was thinking we could hold a FORMAL BALL.

I've rented a huge football field sized ballroom, and found a disco ball.

We need a band - anyone know a good one?

I've got some champagne and little hotdog wieners.

That should get us started.

Anyone coming? I'd hate for it to be just me and the hotdog wieners. Although I do like them with mustard. Anyone got some mustard?

[HillaryJ]

Mira,

I have a fifty-gallon barrel of stone-ground mustard from Uzbekistan (don't ask), an Edith Head gown that was rejected from Sabrina for being approximately seven hundred sizes too large for Audrey Hepburn (it's a size 8), two emperor tamarins who are not opposed to wearing diapers to formal occasions, and I love champagne. So, to answer your question, I'm in.

P.S. The band I'm thinking would be appropriate is, strangely enough, called Me and the Hotdog Weiners. They play steampunk techno. I hear it's all the rage.

[Mira]

Yay! Hilary, you've come! We could never do this without you. I'm so glad you are bringing your diaper-protected tamarinds. Do they dance? We need formal entertainment. This is a classy event.

Me and the Hotdog Weiners sounds perfect! Just so long as they understand they aren't getting any actual weiners. The weiners were delicious, especially with the mustard, and I ate them all. Well, I left a couple for the tamarinds. We still have 3 gallons of your mustard left, so I was thinking of getting some pretzels.

You look lovely in your gown, even if you could fit several hundred Audrey Hepburns under there. However, I don't believe she's coming to the party, so you won't need to worry about tripping over her when you dance.

Does anyone have any expensive jewelry they don't want? I was thinking we could make little gift bags.

Cheers!

[Robin]

(Don't want to be tardy for the party)

I love a good party!!! Mira, I actually have the Heart of the Ocean we can break into smaller chunks for goodie bags ;)
Oh, maybe we can hire the Jonas Brothers and throw the little hot dogs at them... (just a thought)

[Margo]

I was going to suggest One Republic for music (All the Right Moves?), but the idea of throwing hot dog at the Jonas Brothers trumps that hands down.

So a formal ball, huh? Where did I put that Dior?

Can we still have pizza if we make it really expensive pizza? Like half caviar, half emeralds or something? All the most expensive dishes involve precious gems these days.

[Mira]

Uh oh. Josh Grobin just contacted me. He wants to sing a montage of songs from Dolly Parton, the Rolling Stones and New Kids on the Block. I told him we couldn't give him top billing, but when he heard he could throw weiners at the Jonas Brothers, he was okay with that.

I think we should have gems in all our food. Can't believe I didn't think of that. Although, Margo, I think that Hawaiian pizza, with the pinapple and ham, is real classy. But if you want we could always melt some gold for dipping sauce. That would be really pretty.

Robin, instead of gift bags, do you think we should have a ballroom dancing competition? Sort of like dancing with the stars, but the audience throws chunks of Heart of the Ocean at the dancers, so it's more participatory? We could get Kate and Leo to judge it and sort of have a theme.

[HillaryJ]

It's true, Mira. Any combination of fruit and pork product is inherently classy. Like apple and ham. Or pancetta and fig. Or pickled pigs feet and banana.

And, I'm sorry, but I have to ask the important question: Do you think we'll have enough weiners?

[Margo]

And, I'm sorry, but I have to ask the important question: Do you think we'll have enough weiners?

Well, I contacted the Farmer John corporation and bought out their entire stock, and it wasn't cheap. They're going to have to tell their wholesale customers that there was an unfortunate incident with the livestock, lipstick, and a Jerry Springer film crew, and the CDC has quarantined the whole lot of them. I also contacted all indepentant suppliers west of the Mississippi, so...

No, I think we're still going to come up short on weiners for throwing at the Jonus Brothers. Maybe if we changed to someone like... I dunno... Kanye West. Oh no, wait, we'd have to throw fish sticks at him. Or Train...no, we'd need more weiners, and I'd have to insist on cocktail sauce for Train. Hmmm, who is weiner-able without being too weiner-able?

And aren't we supposed to end up somehow trashing Nathan's office? Isn't that tradition? Perhaps...we could move everything from Nathan's office to the ballroom, suspend it all above the dancefloor, and bedazzle all of it with rhinestones and studs so the light off the disco ball glimmers off his desk and his bookshelves and his chair and his plants and.... Very classy. I think Nathan would like a bedazzled office. Everything is classier covered in rhinestones.

And speaking of throwing things at bands and dance-off contestants, what about dodgeballs? Covered in rhinestones, of course. Oh, and filled with caviar instead of air.

[Evelyn]

I agree. We should definately have the party in his office. I'll be there! And I'll bring my son's video camera and tape the entire thing so that Nathan doesn't feel left out.

(Do you think I can get signed releases from the tamarins? Hillary - can you sign for them? Are you their legal guardian?)

Another thing: don't let them near the mustard! I read on Facebook that it gives them really bad diarrhea. We don't need that. Just sayin'.

Ev

[Margo]

Another thing: don't let them near the mustard! I read on Facebook that it gives them really bad diarrhea. We don't need that. Just sayin'.

Ewww, yeah, and maybe keep them away from the cocktail sauce, too. Unless we want to irritate them, dip them in cocktail sauce, and unleash them on Train. Maybe save that for the big finale.

[Down the well]

Uh, HELLO PEOPLE!

Seeing how Nathan has already appeared in a Village People video (viewtopic.php?f=6&t=2576), it seems only fitting that they be the band invited to play at the ball. I know they aren't busy, and I doubt they'd mind much if we threw wieners at them. Besides, who doesn't want to dance to YMCA in a couture gown?

[cheekychook]

If Nathan's away why aren't we using his place? Just asking...

In any case, count me in for a chocolate fountain and a fondue pot---because everything tastes better melted or dipped in something.

[Margo]

If Nathan's away why aren't we using his place? Just asking...

I KNOW I KNOW!!! Let's make a ballroom by knocking down a few walls in Nathan's office! And maybe all the floors from the story above his office. Gee, I hope Nathan doesn't have a top floor office, cuz I still REALLY REALLY wanna bedazzle all his office furniture in rhinestones and suspend them from the ceiling as mod disco balls...er cubes or stuff.

Mira, do you think you could get the deposit back on the ballroom? We've hardly done any damage so far. Cuz that would be more money for hot dogs!

And I'm seeing dipping as a theme. Dipping weiners in cocktail sauce and throwing them at the Jonas Brothers. Dipping irritated tamarins in cocktail sauce and pointing them in the direction of Train. Dipping one another on the dance floor while our fellow writers throw sharp shards of gemstone at us. I say we save the Village People for the finale, and we dip THEM and OURSELVES (in our couture formal wear) in chocolate sauce and form a mosh pit in front of the stage! Then anyone who gets injured can sit on the sidelines and throw bedazzled dodgeballs filled with caviar at us in hopes that one will burst! YAY!

Of course we need some high brow activites as well. Pin the tail on Mozart?

Did I mention the barista wasn't listening when I said decaf???

[HillaryJ]

I agree. We should definately have the party in his office. I'll be there! And I'll bring my son's video camera and tape the entire thing so that Nathan doesn't feel left out.

(Do you think I can get signed releases from the tamarins? Hillary - can you sign for them? Are you their legal guardian?)

Another thing: don't let them near the mustard! I read on Facebook that it gives them really bad diarrhea. We don't need that. Just sayin'.

Ev

Yes OF COURSE I'm their legal guardian. Totally legal. Utterly official. Why do you ask? *titters*

Oh, and don't believe everything you read on FB. Mustard actually gives tamarins SUPER POWERS...like tail eating, and utter cuteness.

[Mira]

Hilary, those are so adorable! We need 100, 000 of them for the ball. 10,000 for each guest. So cute!

But I don't think you can use the word diarrhea at a fancy ball. You call them "little poopy indiscretions". I'm sure I saw that somewhere.

So, we've moved to Nathan's office and knocked down a few walls? Excellent. But Nathan's office seems abit.... 'officy'. We need to decorate. I was thinking flowers and lollipops. Maybe throw in some smiley faces - I know Nathan likes smiley faces - and cute little green froggys with long eyelashes. What do you think?

So, um, about the wieners. Um.......I ate them all again. They were just too yummy. I like weiners. Is there something else we can throw at the band? Do we have any other food than weiners? Escargot? That's classy, and we could get them in the garden, then throw them at the band. That could work.