Writhing in a second language

[Alret]

Dear Nathan,
First of all, thanks so much for all your helpful advice!
I live in South Africa, where literary agents are practically nonexistent, but in my quest to find one to represent my new YA fantasy novel I faithfully continued searching. Luck was on my side. I found a company, a pretty big and successful one, here in my own country and in America. I submitted my query and the first three chapters as requested. The agent returned to me with a mini assessment of the manuscript. (I was sooooo surprised, didn't even know agents did that.)
Turned out she actually loved it. She thinks it is an interesting plot that would truly appeal to fantasy readers, but she said she got the impression that the book was translated from Afrikaans, which is probably true considering it is my home language, so I guess everything I write kinda gets translated in my brain before it hits the computer screen.
She said in some places the word choice would need some editing before it would be suitable to offer to a publisher. Just how do I go about doing that? Where do I find someone who won’t charge me my entire monthly income to help me rewrite some of the awkward parts? Obviously, my fellow Afrikaans speaking citizens won’t do. She suggested that I rewrite the book in Afrikaans, but I really don’t think the book would still have the same appeal in Afrikaans. Trust me, some English words just do not sound good in Afrikaans. And in your own opinion, do you really think it is always obvious when an author writes in her second language? Because I came across someone on the internet who believes readers (not to mention publishers and agents) can almost always tell. Do you also believe that it would just be better if a writer sticks to his/her home language?

[Nathan Bransford]

Dear Nathan,
First of all, thanks so much for all your helpful advice!
I live in South Africa, where literary agents are practically nonexistent, but in my quest to find one to represent my new YA fantasy novel I faithfully continued searching. Luck was on my side. I found a company, a pretty big and successful one, here in my own country and in America. I submitted my query and the first three chapters as requested. The agent returned to me with a mini assessment of the manuscript. (I was sooooo surprised, didn't even know agents did that.)
Turned out she actually loved it. She thinks it is an interesting plot that would truly appeal to fantasy readers, but she said she got the impression that the book was translated from Afrikaans, which is probably true considering it is my home language, so I guess everything I write kinda gets translated in my brain before it hits the computer screen.
She said in some places the word choice would need some editing before it would be suitable to offer to a publisher. Just how do I go about doing that? Where do I find someone who won’t charge me my entire monthly income to help me rewrite some of the awkward parts? Obviously, my fellow Afrikaans speaking citizens won’t do. She suggested that I rewrite the book in Afrikaans, but I really don’t think the book would still have the same appeal in Afrikaans. Trust me, some English words just do not sound good in Afrikaans. And in your own opinion, do you really think it is always obvious when an author writes in her second language? Because I came across someone on the internet who believes readers (not to mention publishers and agents) can almost always tell. Do you also believe that it would just be better if a writer sticks to his/her home language?

I think it's a tricky balance, there are many authors who wrote great novels when English was their second or third language (Nabokov comes to mind), but if it just reads awkwardly you may need to have someone help you smooth it out. I'm not an expert in editing, but I'm sure you could find someone either in our out of South Africa who might be able to help you with it. Or you could join a critique group and get some help there.

Hope that helps!

[Alret]

Okay, now I’m just like totally confused! Can two people have such a difference of opinion. I offered the first three chapters to an editor in America. This is what she said:

Wow! I only read the first three chapters, and I was so impressed. You introduce the character in a way that allows the reader to know her almost instantly. You also provide concrete details of the setting and the situation. And the meeting with Patric is very powerful! Often my curiosity is piqued after reading a short sample, but not as strongly as in this case. I almost cannot believe that English is your second language. You write so well and with an impressive vocabulary. Only a couple of times did I question your word choice. I would encourage you to proceed with this manuscript-whatever that means to you. Since you write so well, a full edit is probably not necessary at this stage. There are some minor grammatical errors, but those could be corrected once you have a final draft. I would be happy to work with you in the future, and I am most eager to read more.

This is supposed to be a professional and legit editing company in America. Do you think an editor would sugar coat your manuscript only to list you as a client? I’m just really confused about this. I mean, if I do spend money on editing, I want to know that it would be worthwhile in the end, and that my manuscript would, hopefully, see the inside of a publishing house. And what does a full edit mean? Hopefully it means I'll be spending less money! And if this is the opinion of an editor, don't you think I should try to query first? Or should I just have the damn editing done?
Thanks so much for all your help!

[Nathan Bransford]

Okay, now I’m just like totally confused! Can two people have such a difference of opinion. I offered the first three chapters to an editor in America. This is what she said:

Wow! I only read the first three chapters, and I was so impressed. You introduce the character in a way that allows the reader to know her almost instantly. You also provide concrete details of the setting and the situation. And the meeting with Patric is very powerful! Often my curiosity is piqued after reading a short sample, but not as strongly as in this case. I almost cannot believe that English is your second language. You write so well and with an impressive vocabulary. Only a couple of times did I question your word choice. I would encourage you to proceed with this manuscript-whatever that means to you. Since you write so well, a full edit is probably not necessary at this stage. There are some minor grammatical errors, but those could be corrected once you have a final draft. I would be happy to work with you in the future, and I am most eager to read more.

This is supposed to be a professional and legit editing company in America. Do you think an editor would sugar coat your manuscript only to list you as a client? I’m just really confused about this. I mean, if I do spend money on editing, I want to know that it would be worthwhile in the end, and that my manuscript would, hopefully, see the inside of a publishing house. And what does a full edit mean? Hopefully it means I'll be spending less money! And if this is the opinion of an editor, don't you think I should try to query first? Or should I just have the damn editing done?
Thanks so much for all your help!

If someone is trying to acquire your business so you'll pay them to edit your work, yes, there's an incentive to sugar coat. Not everyone will do it, but make sure to do your research. Here's a post on whether you need to pay someone to edit your work before seeking publication:

http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2009/10 ... -your.html