Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Beethovenfan wrote:Nahaveeta stood on a rock at the edge of the river watching the rocks slice the otherwise smooth surface, and debated whether that wispy moss really was the hair of ooneepeets waiting just beneath the surface to grab her ankles.

Interesting! I definitely want to know what an "ooneepeets" is! Are we still rating? Because I give it a 8 :)

My WIP:
At the general store, Natalie ignored the red-letter sign that read “NO HALF-BREEDS.”

The call came at 7:32. Alex couldn’t believe the timing. Tonight of all nights.
Carmen has been waiting for this moment for months. It was her first high school prom. Tonight was finally here. Her dress was beautiful, a burgundy satin affair that was off the shoulders and just touching the floor. Her makeup, which she had spent hours on, was flawless. At sixteen, she was a picture of youthful beauty. Her date wasn’t due to arrive for another half hour, but Alex couldn’t wait that long. I’m going to miss another milestone in her life, he thought.

My First Sentence:

"It has been two hours since I crashed on this strange planet, and I could feel the desert blow my long black hair across my face, as I reflected on what happened before the crash."

JustSarah wrote:My First Sentence:

"It has been two hours since I crashed on this strange planet, and I could feel the desert blow my long black hair across my face, as I reflected on what happened before the crash."

My honest opinion: get rid of "my long black hair". Say only "my hair". One never talks about his hair in such flowery ways. When I first read it, I thought about a Pantene commercial :-D

Here is the first sentence of GRAYLAND, my literary-minded science fiction novel:


Experiments featuring primitive humans were all the rage in University research, and finally – finally! – Marie was going to be involved.

So like this?

"It has been two hours since I crashed on this strange planet, and I could feel the desert blow my hair across my face, as I reflected on what happened before the crash."

I'm game.

"His first memory: men in coffins."

I am not writing any book. But I am enjoying reading opening sentences written by you all. Its really great pleasure for me reading these sentences. lovely :)

For Mona Blackintosh's thirteenth birthday she got a crazed maniac wielding a butcher knife.

From my current WIP, a YA fantasy.

1973. The year of disco: Afro wigs, platform heels and strobe lights.

This is my opening sentence for my romantic comedy novel called 'Jackpot.'



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''Light from the full moon sliced the landscape into sharply detailed white highlights and dark blue shadows.''

"A strong hand clamped over Larimar’s mouth to muffle her scream, and then she saw the long sharp needle, and felt it sink deep into her neck."