Share your opening sentence!

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Suzie F.
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Suzie F. » August 16th, 2010, 6:59 pm

kymberry wrote:
From my finished (woo!) MG fantasy

My new Cursed life began four days after my eleventh birthday.
Congratulations on finishing, kymberry. I wanted to comment on yours because I write MG too. I like your first line and would want to keep reading. I'd give it an 8 or 9.

Here's mine from my current WIP, a contemporary MG:

Girls named Felicity should not be allowed to play tag football with boys, especially withTimothy Williams.

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hulbertsfriend
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by hulbertsfriend » August 19th, 2010, 1:31 pm

Name of Novel - Devin Briar

Life had a way of being whatever the moment intended, not what Devin Briar desired.
"All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss." Douglas Adams

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TigerGray
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by TigerGray » August 26th, 2010, 2:39 pm

henyad wrote:
thecolour wrote:Yea! First post. Anyway, I'm kind of hating it right now, but here it is.

"At the end of a very short lane sits a very large house with far too many windows and hardly any doors. "
Shorten the sentence. i suggest you cut out the "very" and the "far" and what does "hardly" mean? 2 doors? one door?

Has great promise.

I actually think following this suggestion would kill the voice. The repeated words gives me a very fairy tale feel.
"Who knows themselves better than the blind?' - for every thought becomes a tool." --Luis Borges

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craig
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by craig » August 30th, 2010, 3:15 pm

First sentence from my (almost finished) WIP -- as you'll see, it's sci-fi...

"The dusky sunset gleamed off the tops of the habitat domes, strewn about the surface of Mars like a cluster of acne."

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Diamonte
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Diamonte » August 30th, 2010, 6:23 pm

"The dusky sunset gleamed off the tops of the habitat domes, strewn about the surface of Mars like a cluster of acne."
Your opening sentence makes me curious about what the rest of your manuscript would be like. When I read the first half, I thought it sounded vaguely like purple prose. And then the final simile shattered that image.

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sierramcconnell
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by sierramcconnell » August 31st, 2010, 3:56 pm

Oh, goodness...

Here is mine:

The steel sword was heavy in his hands and pulled on his already taxed arms.

Aaaaand in saying that, I realize I called his sword iron in another section. [goes to correct]
I'm on Tumblr!

The blog died...but so did I...and now I'm alive again! OMG.

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djpaterson
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by djpaterson » September 3rd, 2010, 7:27 pm

From my YA novel, Depot 753:

Despite having spent the afternoon dreading its arrival, the harsh sound of the bell caught James by surprise, and it took a moment for him to realise where he was.

stephmcgee
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by stephmcgee » September 16th, 2010, 11:03 pm

"Lanna stifled another yawn, one of many her day-to-day living produced." That's from the book I've just begun.

"Every ounce of flesh vibrated with the motion of his bomber." That one is from the book out with a beta right now.

Louise Curtis
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Louise Curtis » September 24th, 2010, 8:12 pm

I'll be interpreting "sentence" as "paragraph". This is the beginning of book 1 of my kids' fantasy adventure trilogy.

THE MONSTER APPRENTICE

I awoke from a dead sleep – for once, a sleep without nightmares. My bedroom was pitch black and silent, but my heart was racing. Then the sound came again – a man shouting at the top of his voice. He pounded at my family’s front door.
Louise Curtis
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dgaughran
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by dgaughran » September 29th, 2010, 5:17 pm

Catalina Flores de la Peña's tongue got her in more trouble than any other part of her body, even though there were far more likely candidates.
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Down the well
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Down the well » September 29th, 2010, 5:25 pm

dgaughran wrote:Catalina Flores de la Peña's tongue got her in more trouble than any other part of her body, even though there were far more likely candidates.
Excellent. :)

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dgaughran
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by dgaughran » September 29th, 2010, 5:52 pm

Down the well wrote:
dgaughran wrote:Catalina Flores de la Peña's tongue got her in more trouble than any other part of her body, even though there were far more likely candidates.
Excellent. :)
It goes downhill from there, but very, very slowly.
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Mark17
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Mark17 » September 29th, 2010, 6:01 pm

From THE FERRYMAN

Charlie had been a ferryman since the day he died.

Margo
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Margo » September 29th, 2010, 6:04 pm

dgaughran wrote:Catalina Flores de la Peña's tongue got her in more trouble than any other part of her body, even though there were far more likely candidates.

I just gotta chime in long enough to say I love this one. I'd DEFINITELY keep reading.
Urban fantasy, epic fantasy, and hot Norse elves. http://margolerwill.blogspot.com/

Margo
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Margo » September 29th, 2010, 6:07 pm

Mark17 wrote:Charlie had been a ferryman since the day he died.
Nice. I immediately think of Charon, which makes me want to keep reading. I'm getting a MG or YA feel, though it's just one sentence.
Urban fantasy, epic fantasy, and hot Norse elves. http://margolerwill.blogspot.com/

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