Share your opening sentence!
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Perhaps bruise-colored?
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Perhaps, yes. I love it when fixing something is that easy.Camden wrote:Perhaps bruise-colored?
- sbs_mjc1
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Someone else named Mike!Mike Dickson wrote: A single recessed light bulb flickers on every morning around the same time.
I'd say a 6. It's original, but not wow, especially since there are a good number of mundane reasons for this.
Here is the first sentence from S.B's/my novel:
Light from the full moon sliced the landscape into sharply detailed white highlights and dark blue shadows.
http://sb-writingtheother.blogspot.com/
FORGOTTEN GODS is out September 17th 2011! Check the blog for details.
FORGOTTEN GODS is out September 17th 2011! Check the blog for details.
- CharleeVale
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
I actually really liked 'bruise like, not because it alluded to color, but because it made me feel like the days were horrible. Bad things were happening with the dam and the birds, and every day seemed like a punch in the gut. That's what I got out of it. :)One of the Mad Ones wrote:Perhaps, yes. I love it when fixing something is that easy.Camden wrote:Perhaps bruise-colored?
CV
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Thanks, Charlee. My intention was evoke that very feeling even though it was, in my head, specific to color.CharleeVale wrote:
I actually really liked 'bruise like, not because it alluded to color, but because it made me feel like the days were horrible. Bad things were happening with the dam and the birds, and every day seemed like a punch in the gut. That's what I got out of it. :)
CV
Re: Share your opening sentence!
It still does. Bruise is not a color or shade normally and to invoke it ties in nicely. However to just say bruise-like is a bit curious.
To say the day felt like a bruise is perhaps a simile that we can accept. To say that the day was bruise-like is a bit confusing and makes us wonder 'wait how is a day a bruise? Does it feel like a bruise, look like one, or is it somehow actually a bruise?'
To say the day felt like a bruise is perhaps a simile that we can accept. To say that the day was bruise-like is a bit confusing and makes us wonder 'wait how is a day a bruise? Does it feel like a bruise, look like one, or is it somehow actually a bruise?'
- Mike Dickson
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Thanks for the review. I think you may be right, it is mundane and could be caused by quite a few things.sbs_mjc1 wrote: Light from the full moon sliced the landscape into sharply detailed white highlights and dark blue shadows.
Just for more info on the sentence it's a recessed light from a jail cell.
It's crazy how each sentence in a novel must not be over looked!
Your sentence is interesting for sure. It makes me think of the dessert for some reason. the fact that it gives me such a quick and vivid thought about a place makes it a great first line. I'm going to give you an 8. It can always be better, however I'm not sure how.sbs_mjc1 wrote: Light from the full moon sliced the landscape into sharply detailed white highlights and dark blue shadows.
Nice job!
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
"You're just not despicable enough," was the last and only thing they said before they banished him.
- from my second WIP
- from my second WIP
"If you can think it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it" - Evan Taubenfeld
Don't give up on your dreams.
Don't give up on your dreams.
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Hi All,
First post here. First sentence:
"On the night that I delivered Mercy Harris of a bastard child, the King’s soldiers burned the city’s suburbs and fell back within its walls to await the rebel assault."
First post here. First sentence:
"On the night that I delivered Mercy Harris of a bastard child, the King’s soldiers burned the city’s suburbs and fell back within its walls to await the rebel assault."
Sam Thomas
Author of The Midwife's Story: A Mystery due out from St. Martin's Press in 2013
Website: http://www.samthomasbooks.com
Team Blog= http://bloodygoodread.blogspot.com
Author of The Midwife's Story: A Mystery due out from St. Martin's Press in 2013
Website: http://www.samthomasbooks.com
Team Blog= http://bloodygoodread.blogspot.com
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Mine:
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
This one grabs me. It's short, unexpected, and packed with voice. The sentences that follow can go dark or darkly funny, which to me is promising. It immediately brings up questions, and finding answers to interesting questions is part of why I keep reading books. 8? 9? It's so short, it's hard to tell, but it's a great hook.atdeluca wrote:Mine:
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
I did like this one! I'd actually give this one a 10! Usually people strive to become successfull, perfect, beautiful and popular. But here you are told that they want you to be worse!"You're just not despicable enough," was the last and only thing they said before they banished him.
This may have something to do with my never fitting in anywhere, and that's probably why I also want to read more.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Re: Share your opening sentence!
That is nice!atdeluca wrote:Mine:
To me, death would be a welcome visitor.
Sam Thomas
Author of The Midwife's Story: A Mystery due out from St. Martin's Press in 2013
Website: http://www.samthomasbooks.com
Team Blog= http://bloodygoodread.blogspot.com
Author of The Midwife's Story: A Mystery due out from St. Martin's Press in 2013
Website: http://www.samthomasbooks.com
Team Blog= http://bloodygoodread.blogspot.com
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Thank you! Well the MC is very similar to you in that respect!ninafromnorway wrote:I did like this one! I'd actually give this one a 10! Usually people strive to become successfull, perfect, beautiful and popular. But here you are told that they want you to be worse!"You're just not despicable enough," was the last and only thing they said before they banished him.
This may have something to do with my never fitting in anywhere, and that's probably why I also want to read more.
"If you can think it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it" - Evan Taubenfeld
Don't give up on your dreams.
Don't give up on your dreams.
- AnimaDictio
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Re: Share your opening sentence!
Neal was a blockhead and he was breaking Barlaam’s heart.
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