Share your opening sentence!

The writing process, writing advice, and updates on your work in progress
bronwyn1
Posts: 82
Joined: March 7th, 2010, 6:38 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by bronwyn1 » March 10th, 2010, 4:38 pm

Here's mine:

"The display above the chalkboard continued to draw Clara’s attention away from her Algebra problems."

It's nothing special, but I hope it's conflict-y enough as a starter (but not in the whole car-chase and bombing kind of way).

Petronella
Posts: 27
Joined: March 12th, 2010, 7:14 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Petronella » March 13th, 2010, 2:48 pm

Well, I've read all of the opening sentences, and must say I like them all.

I have two of my own. The first is from my current WIP: Thistledown: Genesis.

I became aware when the first of my six brains activated.

The second is from Nella and Cicero, a finished novel.

One year after daddy’s death – one year after finding him cold and stiff beside me in the bed we shared - I decided to take on the task of putting away his personal possessions.

I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds with the latter opening sentence...

This is my first post. I just joined last night.

NickB
Posts: 36
Joined: March 13th, 2010, 7:26 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by NickB » March 13th, 2010, 7:49 pm

I'm new here, so grain of salt time. I'd keep reading on both, but in the first I wavered on whether "became aware" meant "became cognizant of the activation" or "became conscious...period"--which you most likely clear up in the second sentence...or maybe it was just me altogether. 2nd one's creepy in a good way. Chills up the spine. :)

Here's the one for my 2nd novel...currently in Eternal Edit:
Deep within a non-descript patch of Florida Pine Flatwoods, somewhere mid-state, a traumatized man stepped from the cab of a large, green-camo’ed pick-up truck.

User avatar
ganstream1
Posts: 31
Joined: March 15th, 2010, 8:20 am
Location: Malaysia
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by ganstream1 » March 15th, 2010, 10:25 am

Kinda embarrass to show it, but here goes.

Here's my first sentence:

"The room was gray, gloomy, void of any other colors."
Read my blog novel at: Aku-Stories

User avatar
charity_bradford
Posts: 45
Joined: December 19th, 2009, 3:38 pm
Location: United States
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by charity_bradford » March 16th, 2010, 1:51 pm

Wow, there are some great first lines in here and I think I would continue reading most of them.

Here is mine:
Blinking did not make the darkness lighter.
If you are a mother and a writer you have to make the time to write. No one is going to give it to you.
http://charitywrites.blogspot.com/

JohnstonMR
Posts: 10
Joined: February 16th, 2010, 11:51 am
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by JohnstonMR » March 18th, 2010, 1:07 pm

From WiP, revised from an earlier version:

He is gone now, dead and buried and beyond caring for the manner of his death.
Last edited by JohnstonMR on March 18th, 2010, 1:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JohnstonMR
Posts: 10
Joined: February 16th, 2010, 11:51 am
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by JohnstonMR » March 18th, 2010, 1:15 pm

ivanpope wrote:It is my job to remember.
Gawds, I wish I'd thought of that.

User avatar
Nyrak
Posts: 3
Joined: December 7th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Nyrak » March 18th, 2010, 8:07 pm

Some really great stuff!

This is from a short story I'm working on, and I've purposefully left off the end quote because the character continues speaking after the period.

His father used to say to him: “It’s the dreams that make your head so large, Hjalmer.

JTB
Posts: 64
Joined: March 23rd, 2010, 6:52 am

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by JTB » March 24th, 2010, 4:46 pm

Reeking of decayed vegetation, bonfire, junk food and with foliage of sorts sprouting from the pocket of his tatty motorcycle leathers, Stephen Mycroft-Jones strides through the Recently Published section in Foyle’s the bookshop in London, steps up the access ramp, turns right and is hurriedly up close to the young woman sitting un-enquired at the Information Desk where, as politely as he can, he says, ‘Excuse me miss, would you mind checking to see if my trouser's are undone?’

User avatar
Nathan Bransford
Posts: 1383
Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: New York, NY
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Nathan Bransford » March 24th, 2010, 8:31 pm

Still may change, but right now:

"Each type of substitute teacher had its own special weakness, and Jacob Wonderbar knew every possible trick to distract them."

User avatar
Bryan Russell/Ink
Posts: 430
Joined: December 20th, 2009, 10:44 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Bryan Russell/Ink » March 25th, 2010, 11:39 am

Painful, Nathan, painful. But only because I used to be a substitute teacher. :)
The Alchemy of Writing at www.alchemyofwriting.blogspot.com

User avatar
Matthew MacNish
Posts: 285
Joined: March 5th, 2010, 4:31 pm
Location: Georgia
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Matthew MacNish » March 25th, 2010, 12:17 pm

This is cheating because it's two sentences, but as you can see the first isn't much without the second:

Paradise Valley is a wild and pristine country in Boundary County, Idaho. Its glens and meadows are strewn with bearberry bushes and sagebrush shrubs; its hills and mountainsides choked with Douglas Fir and Lodgepole Pine, their evergreen boughs springing forth from the hillsides like emerald whiskers roughening the chin of a slumbering elder god.

There are a couple of different versions where it is 3 sentences or even just 1 (bad) and others where the whiskers are described as decaying or decomposing (because, you know, green whiskers?). Still a WIP so I'm not sure how it will end up.

Petronella
Posts: 27
Joined: March 12th, 2010, 7:14 pm
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Petronella » March 25th, 2010, 6:16 pm

All of the opening sentences presented on this page would keep me reading on. Specially Matt's because I like bits of description like that.

One more from me, from an early and different version of the Thistledown story - named Nel and the Guardian:

The Collector hovered over a grey haired woman, who, though large in size, strode with ground eating strides down a path winding through a grassy meadow.

User avatar
Quill
Posts: 1059
Joined: March 17th, 2010, 9:20 pm
Location: Arizona
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Quill » March 25th, 2010, 7:48 pm

Gatoweh—Autumn—1779 by the whiteman’s calendar—midday by the sun’s position, but twilight for the Iroquois people, dusk for a centuries-old way of life.

Margo
Posts: 1712
Joined: April 5th, 2010, 11:21 am
Contact:

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Post by Margo » April 5th, 2010, 4:39 pm

Okay, heck, I'll give this a spin.

For Quill's line above, I'd say 7 or 7.5 only because of the punctuation. I dislike the fragmentation. With different punctuation, I'd say 8 easily, possibly 9. I like the immediate indication of trouble ahead. I like the tone, so I'd continue.

My first line, adult fantasy novel:

They made me on a rainy night like this one in the city-dome of Roytvald.
Urban fantasy, epic fantasy, and hot Norse elves. http://margolerwill.blogspot.com/

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest