Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

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Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by maybegenius » February 9th, 2010, 1:42 pm

I get a kick out of these :D
For all lovers of good writing, here are this year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, (aka "It Was a dark and Stormy Night" Contest) run by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.

10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

9. Just beyond the Narrows , the river widens.

8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep...Andre creep."

6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved..

5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.

4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

3. Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear"'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.


1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"
aka S.E. Sinkhorn, or Steph

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by Dankrubis » February 9th, 2010, 2:17 pm

I am simply loving #3. Thanks for sharing!

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by charlotte49ers » February 9th, 2010, 2:55 pm

Oh geez, #3 makes me want to hurl. lol

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by poptart » February 9th, 2010, 3:52 pm

LOL Number 10.
Just the tonic I needed.
Annoying people since nineteen fifty-seven.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by christi » February 9th, 2010, 4:46 pm

It was #10 and #8 for me. Hilarious.
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by JustineDell » February 9th, 2010, 4:49 pm

Well, since I write romance - #8 had the gag reflex in full force. Nice!!



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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by Kaitlyne » February 10th, 2010, 5:54 am

Oh those are fantastic! Thanks so much for sharing. :D

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by Mira » February 10th, 2010, 11:02 am

These are hilarious - thanks for sharing!

I think #6 is my favorite. :)

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by Marla Warren » February 15th, 2010, 7:55 am

Here's the official website where you can read a lot more of these:
“Good writing should be smooth, clear and short, and the art of saying little in much must be avoided at all costs.”
--Benjamin Franklin

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners

Post by ryanznock » February 15th, 2010, 4:34 pm

I hope I'm not the only one who read those with growing dread, afraid I would find something that resembles my writing. Then again, I don't think I'm good enough to write that wonderfully bad.

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