2012 Bulwer-Lytton bad-writing winners

[Doug Pardee]

The annual Bulwer-Lytton awards for (intentionally) bad writing have been announced: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2012win.html

Everyone has their own favorite(s). My favorite is:

The brazen walls of the ancient city of Khoresand, situated where the mighty desert of Sind meets the endless Hyrkanean steppe, are guarded by day by the four valiant knights Sir Malin the Mighty, Sir Welkin the Wake, Sir Darien the Doughty, and Sir Yrien the Yare, all clad in armor of beaten gold, and at night the walls are guarded by Sir Arden the Ardent, Sir Fier the Fearless, Sir Cyril the Courageous, and Sir Damien the Dauntless, all clad in armor of burnished argent, but nothing much ever happens.

I couldn't help laughing at this one, despite punctuation clearly designed to annoy editors:

The two power-hungry, 20-something biographers met with me incognito and settled on penning my memoirs, one on a percentage of future sales and one on upfront remuneration; so there is one yuppie I pay, one yuppie I owe, ghostwriters in disguise.

[Mira]

Cute. These look fun. Thanks for sharing.

[lindsayB3462]

ROFL, this line - "The two power-hungry, 20-something biographers met with me incognito and settled on penning my memoirs, one on a percentage of future sales and one on upfront remuneration; so there is one yuppie I pay, one yuppie I owe, ghostwriters in disguise." is perfect to annoy the editors. who came up with these lines, i will like to see him!!

[JohnDurvin]

"Ronald left this world as he entered it: on a frigid winter night, amid frantic screams and blood-soaked linens, while relatives stood nearby and muttered furious promises to find and punish the man responsible." How the heck are these the worst sentences written? Sure, it sounds like it was written by a stand-up comedian, but I'd be curious to read about half the books on this list if they existed.