Wait. It was just a take. Because your lead-in line was about the conflict between mom and daughter and the boy, I made an "assumption" and took it as the lead in.Robin wrote:Wow! Thank you both for your feedback. Maybe I need to rework that pitch, I don't want my MS to be misconstrued as a romantic-its-all-about-a-boy-type book. If thats how it came across, I've failed.
I was shooting for a thriller-must-read-it.
Back to the drawing board.
Since, it's not, that's very good information.
I'd clarify what the Main Conflict is and keep in mind that a One Line Pitch is meant to sell that baby.
Also, if the MC is not a YA, maybe to not emphasize the "boy" and "the mother" in the pitch part: two roles that signify YA to a lot of people.
Women can have mother problems. Anyone can have problems at any age with their family differences and confusions. But adding in "boy" (as opposed to guy or man or love-interest, etc.) and mother-conflict points it more-so towards YA where boy-interests are going to rise above just about everything else going on. (All those hormones and what to do with them!)
But, most important, is to locate the "hook" and wrap the One Line Pitch around that.
(I myself find that incredibly hard to do. I want two sentences and twice as many words. How to do it in one sentence with your own novel without coming off generic (i.e., it could fit any novel) is very tricky business!)