Pitch! or pitch?

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JuiceinLA
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Pitch! or pitch?

Post by JuiceinLA » September 16th, 2010, 1:17 pm

Hello all! I am looking for your savvy and sage help. and even the not so savvy or sage help, if -you know- you're just bored. I have been working on my "pitch" for my book, in anticipation of my first writer's conference - and during a (perhaps) less lucid period of my weekend's illness, I have put together about 10 potential pitch lines.. then I created a poll and have been asking friends, families and readers to "take the poll/survey" and tell me which (if any) would make them want to buy the book.

So if you are bored, here is the link to the blog where the poll/survey is located. MUCH Appreciated!!!

http://moreinnerstrength.blogspot.com/2 ... html#links


Much thanks!!!

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polymath
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Re: Pitch! or pitch?

Post by polymath » September 16th, 2010, 1:49 pm

It's my opinion any pitch with the term "ensues" in it is predetermined to miss, especially "hilarity ensues." I've seen "ensues" too many times used as shorthand for an unrealized or unknown plot summary. I looked at all ten pitches as well as having seen excerpts of the narrative somewhere I recall but don't remember where. authonomy perhaps.

Anyway, a drunkard lawyer takes her [his] show on the road why? What causes the lawyer to chuck routine and seek adventure elsewhere? Sounds to me like a personal journey of discovering self. What's the cause(s) for taking it on the road? What upsets the lawyer's everyday routine emotional equilibrium? What's the complication the lawyer seeks to address and try for a satisfactory resolution of?

In other words by someone or other, agents, screening readers, editors, publishers, reviewers, booksellers, readers, and so on, what's the problem, what's it about, the point, the purpose, the First Cause, the question, the decision the lawyer faces? A pitch which doesn't demonstrate what a narrative is about indicates a narrative which doesn't know what it's about. What is the lawyer running from or to and why?

The situation of the narrative is there in all ten pitches. What's missing in my opinion is strong traces of plot. For all intents and purposes plot is causation first, though tension's empathy and suspense and antagonism's purpose and complication are no less essential. Complications inciting action and causing setbacks are causal. I think a pitch at least needs a complication inciting action.

Edit to change gender pronoun. It didn't stand out at me so I didn't notice. Male voice in the pitch left me inventing context of a male lawyer.
Last edited by polymath on September 16th, 2010, 2:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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J. T. SHEA
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Re: Pitch! or pitch?

Post by J. T. SHEA » September 16th, 2010, 2:21 pm

Whoever Polldaddy is, I hate him!

Hilarity ensues? Hilarity Clinton, perhaps? Straight, sober Detroiters will NOT like the book.

MSLH? Catchy title, I think. How do you pronounce it?

No Manolos? You poor thing! My heart goes out to you!

Polymath, she's a woman.

JuiceinLA
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Re: Pitch! or pitch?

Post by JuiceinLA » September 16th, 2010, 4:56 pm

Polymath: this is hilarious: "a drunkard lawyer takes her [his] show on the road why" I really like it. Thank you! I wholeheartedly agree on the use of "ensues" . I kinda phoned that one in. "Male voice in pitch"- interesting. Did I use male pronouns? I better check. I agree with your comments on lack of plot- I really struggle with this.

JT Shea- thank you for your perspective, I take your comments to mean that not one of the pitches presented would have drawn you into buying the book, and possibly that its entire POV can be misinterpreted (re; your manolo comment). Now to determine if you are my audience demographic. Is it fair to guess that you are not?

Also! thank you both for your time and perspective!!!

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polymath
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Re: Pitch! or pitch?

Post by polymath » September 16th, 2010, 5:27 pm

No, JuiceinLA, you didn't use male pronouns. The voice is assertive and informally jocular as I'm used to hearing from guys beating their chests in male bonding rituals. Men's and women's languages have noticeable gender discourse markers based on a range of protocols. Ten for women's language are expressed at Changingminds.org. Men's language protocols are, of course, the inverses of those ten. http://www.changingminds.org/explanatio ... nguage.htm

My error of interpretation, though, hints at a possible main dramatic complication for the memoir, that and the context, for the sake of plot's heartaching challenges and benchmarks. From the excerpts I've read, it's there in all its hidden glory underneath the events waiting to be consciously realized.

A woman in the adversarial world of jurisprudence has to play like the boys in a masculine identity oriented society or be treated like an outsider perenially looking in. Takes some brass-drawered women to play roughhouse in the boys club locker rooms. Therein is a high magnitude dilemma of public relevance, a woman nonconsciously following masculine leads and putting on a masculine face and demeanor will suffer a gender identity crisis. Feminine identity traits conflicted and complicated by masculine identity traits. Enough to drive anyone to self-medicate, albeit the masculine emotionally supressing way of alcoholic inebriation.

I would read a memoir about those issues by anyone known or unknown any day. In fact, I don't believe anyone has meaningfully addressed where society is now on womankind's role in the workplace since Rosie the Riveter in World War II. That time has come if it's not long past due.
Last edited by polymath on September 17th, 2010, 10:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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JuiceinLA
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Re: Pitch! or pitch?

Post by JuiceinLA » September 16th, 2010, 5:46 pm

polymath wrote:No, JucieinLA, you didn't use male pronouns. ....

I would read a memoir about those issues by anyone known or unknown any day. In fact, I don't believe anyone has meaningfully addressed where society is now on womankind's role in the workplace since Rosie the Riveter in World War II. That time has come if it's not long past due.
the rest of your comment was fantastic and nicely expressed (and may be insight into why I managed to stumble into a largely male audience with my hockey blog) but this quoted section is especially generous and I hope my memoir lives up to the potential! You have my most sincere gratitude.

I'd toast to you, but I think I have already overplayed the whole vodka thing already.

Juice

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