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Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 2:17 pm
by charlotte49ers
What is your one sentence pitch? I wrote one on the fly for the blog comments and tweeked it some in the last ten minutes, but MAN. It's hard!

This one is for Delilah Wakes:

Homeless teenager Delilah Cruz is finally given the opportunity to have a real life, but the streets won't release her from their grasp without a fight.

What's yours?

What do you think makes one good/bad?

Oh, and you can tell me mine sucks. It won't hurt my feelings. :-)

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 2:26 pm
by xouba
For me, it has to make me want to know more. It has to make me feel curious about what's told in that sentence.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 2:41 pm
by polymath
Here's a generic boilerplate one I find applies to many narratives.

A familiar stranger struggles to find a sense of belonging in an alienating and hostile community.

Just cooking it a bit with a few particulars might make it unique to a specific narrative.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 3:27 pm
by Em!
The one-sentence pitch seems like one of the times you most need to pay attention to whether you have a situation or a plot.

Reading Nathan's Jacob Wonderbar one-line pitch example, I feel like I know the plot. Many of the one-line pitches in the comments (though by no means all of them!) seem to veer off towards situation-land.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 3:58 pm
by polymath
I'm inclined toward plot and situation rather than either-or.

Situation as I know it is an attribute of setting that builds tension, an attribute of plot. Setting is distinguishable from plot, but indivisible. A simplistic definition of plot is a series of causally related events, situation then as dynamic settings for a series of events.

In my bubba's opinion, Mr. Bransford's one-sentence example depicts both situation and plot. Corndog-possessing children find themselves at large in a universe where it's possible for them to break it.

Familiar strangers insuperably struggling in an alien and hostile universe to fix it so they can get back home to sanctuary.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 4:21 pm
by r louis scott
This is a good topic, Charlotte49ers, one that I am going to have to give some thought to since I am almost at the point where I might need it.

Be careful, though, because if it is wildly succesful Nathan will probably move it to the "All Things Feedback" :)

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 13th, 2010, 9:23 pm
by charlotte49ers
Oh, I didn't think of it as a feedback type thing, but I bet you're right. It's fine if it's moved. :)

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 14th, 2010, 9:32 am
by Nomad0404
Here's mine for a book I currently have being edited:

A boy and a dragon are thrown together by destiny at the beginning of the blitz and embark on a desperate adventure to save England from certain defeat by the Luftwaffe.

It's too wordy for me at the moment so it needs work, but then I did just write all three during my lunch hour.

Phil

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 14th, 2010, 12:09 pm
by FK7
A dragon and a boy fighting the Nazis?! That's a really interesting premise!

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 14th, 2010, 3:09 pm
by Nomad0404
Thanks I hope people will like it when it comes time to find me an agent.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 16th, 2010, 8:51 pm
by lexcade
eh, a little late to the party (not even fashionably!)... i'll play.

here's my one liner:

A genetically-altered woman seeks her lost memories and vengeance, preferably without dying in the process.

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 17th, 2010, 9:01 am
by Nomad0404
lexcade wrote:eh, a little late to the party (not even fashionably!)... i'll play.

here's my one liner:

A genetically-altered woman seeks her lost memories and vengeance, preferably without dying in the process.
In all honesty that sounds too much like the The Long Kiss Goodnight to me.

Phil

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 17th, 2010, 5:11 pm
by bronwyn1
Here's the one sentence summary for my WIP:

An unassuming young woman watches as Argentina's Dirty War claims the lives of her three best friends

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 24th, 2010, 9:09 pm
by lexcade
Nomad0404 wrote:
lexcade wrote:eh, a little late to the party (not even fashionably!)... i'll play.

here's my one liner:

A genetically-altered woman seeks her lost memories and vengeance, preferably without dying in the process.
In all honesty that sounds too much like the The Long Kiss Goodnight to me.

Phil
crap. ***back to the drawing board***

A woman mutated with panther DNA struggles to tame the animal inside while searching for the reasons behind her change and outsmarting the scientist tasked with killing her.

better?

Re: Inspired by NB's blog post today...

Posted: May 25th, 2010, 12:08 pm
by dios4vida
lexcade wrote:[A woman mutated with panther DNA struggles to tame the animal inside while searching for the reasons behind her change and outsmarting the scientist tasked with killing her.

better?
I think that's much better! I'm intrigued, whereas before I kinda skipped over it and thought "meh." Good one sentence! I need to buckle down and start thinking, cause I still can't come up with one for mine.