NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by HLTassin » January 30th, 2020, 4:51 pm

Encouraged by your interest in XXXXXXXXXXX, I’m hopeful you’ll consider my novel, THE ROBBER. My completed, 98,500 word manuscript is set in the south, and while the characters are quirky and flawed to be sure, they're redeemable. Think of it as a DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD with a Christian theme. I believe this story and these characters would resonate with fans of both mainstream women's fiction as well as uplifting Christian literature.

It starts with a baptism. An older woman crippled with shame and regret wonders if her life would have been different if she'd made better choices. If she'd resisted temptation. If she'd overcome her insecurities and the pain of her childhood. In other words, if she'd been more like her best friend and rival.

Told in first person, the chapters alternate between two young narrators, ROBIN and DESIREE.

Although their petite appearances are strikingly similar, ROBIN and DESIREE (DESI) have little in common. Robin has lived in the small town of Shady Gully, Louisiana her whole life while Desi comes from the big city of Albuquerque. Robin’s family is devout, reserved and dedicated to church. Desi’s never been to church, her parents are divorced, she has a new step-dad, and her Mom, SUNNY is as flamboyant as they come.

As their unexpected friendship blossoms, this coming of age novel becomes a journey into adulthood. It resonates with the crippling effects of our insecurities, both those we inherit and the ones we own. The ending not only reveals whose baptism the story began with, but Desi and Robin’s revelation that there is only one true way to fill the emptiness inside, to quiet the lies, and to ultimately destroy … THE ROBBER.

I’ve written four novels and seven screenplays and am the recipient of various awards including the Silver in the PAGE INT’L AWARDS and the Actors Choice Award for my screenplay at SCSFe. I'm currently working on the follow up to THE ROBBER as it will be a series.

As per your submission guidelines I've XXXXXXXX. Thank you for your consideration.


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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by GBToll » January 30th, 2020, 9:47 pm

Dear Mr. Bransford,
I am seeking representation for my 279,000 word historical novel; SHAKTI. Elizabeth Parker Lyons, a vegetarian, atheist, lesbian, Ph.D. candidate in Boston in 2000, is transported to an Imperial train cabin in Patna, India in 1900. While studying the Raj, in Boston, Elizabeth came upon and read the very personal letters of Martha Bagg describing a hellish life being married to a Calcutta Police Officer in the late 1890’s in India. While Elizabeth is trying to deal with British governmental persecution for having no documents, as well social condemnation, and psychological isolation, she is sought after by bored memsahibs hoping for scandalous and salacious details of her unconventional arrival in India.
Elizabeth does not fit what anyone expects of women during the Raj. She is ready to take some of the pompous English men down a peg, but must be careful they do not arrest her for being a suspicious personage without any proof of her bone fides during an era where the Great Game was always afoot.
While under police suspicion, Elizabeth searches for Martha Bagg, wife of a psychopathic English Police officer. If she does not find Martha Bagg, Elizabeth is certain Martha will be killed by her husband who as an English, police officer would escape suspicion, prosecution, imprisonment and justice. Elizabeth feels she must help if she is able.
On my first trip to India in 1976-1977 I lived with native families in Varanasi(Benares) and Chennai(Madras) as well as attending the Khumbh Mela that year in Allahabad. I have also made two subsequent trips to India. My professional life has been spent as a bookseller, in traditional bookstores, then as the sole proprietor of Pro Libris, a book search service. For the last fifteen years I have been a librarian, first as a Public Librarian, now as a Community College Librarian. My sole published piece is The Origin of the Buddhist Flag in The Flag Bulletin in 1981.
My life spent in and around books has allowed me the opportunity to see how books are marketed, and bought, and how they are selected for libraries and enjoyed through the use of library programs. I look forward to helping sell Shakti.
I look forward to hearing from you,
Gertrude B. Toll
Address & contact info

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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by dcthompson » March 6th, 2020, 9:54 pm

Dear (agent),

14-year-old Soek is bland. She dreams of becoming talented at, well anything – until light starts shooting from her eyes and hands. Having that sort of gift is rare and increasingly criminal. Now, she's getting attention but not exactly the type she craved.

Soek takes it upon herself to guide her fate by surrendering to the military, to embrace powers other seek to coerce from her, and to pay the price fame carries in a city divided against the gifted. As the cost of her choices escalate, Soek must make one more. Will she play by the unscrupulous, high-society rules to protect her loved ones and new found prestige, or fight against the corrupt woman ruling over the city and put everyone she loves in danger?

LUMINOUS tells the story of a daughter yearning for a spot at the top and a family who will do anything to stop the world from dragging her to the bottom. This YA Fantasy novel, complete at 121,000 words, has an original magic system and potential as a series. Comps fit a younger Fitz and the Fool vibe with a splash of Six of Crows cheekiness and magic while in a Sanderson style of clean.

I graduated from the University of Minnesota, Duluth, in 2010 and have toiled in the pits as a middle/high school English teacher ever since. Educator by day and family man by night, I’m currently drafting my next novel, an untitled MG Contemporary. My short-term goal is to find an agent that will champion my books and whip me into even better writing shape, and my long-term goal is to transition into writing as my full-time career and to make my agent tons of money.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Dan Thompson

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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by lynellebarrett » March 9th, 2020, 3:10 am

Dear [Agent Name],

During the American Revolution, budding witch Elizabeth Morrow is forced to hide her powers from an unaccepting village. Terrified of being discovered, she easily falls in line and avoids the other townspeople. Or at least, she obeys until she clashes with Jacob Nash, a haughty surgeon from an affluent family. Having met as children, their scorn and rancor towards one another mounts while they aid in the Rebel cause.

In a cruel twist of fate, Elizabeth’s father dies and leaves her family destitute. Despite her mother warning how dangerous it is to work with non-magical people, Elizabeth is hired as a servant for Jacob’s family. With the colonies now at war, Jacob resolves to offer his medical services to the cause. Because of Elizabeth’s sharply honest tongue, he decides she will be a truthful contact for familial affairs. He requests that she write to him. And in spite of their initial discomfort with these letters, it isn’t long before Elizabeth’s written word sustains Jacob and brings him peace of mind. Elizabeth is equally enamored by his correspondence, and when he finally returns home, broken and jaded after six long years of war, they develop a secret romantic relationship. While they meet behind closed doors, Elizabeth discovers that touching Jacob can literally soothe his ailing mind. But with that power – the power to relieve his trauma from the warfront – comes an unwanted pregnancy that destroys their lives.

In Honey and Gunpowder, a sensual tale of first love and betrayal, Elizabeth is ultimately cast aside in favor of Jacob’s inheritance. Despite the painful snub, she soon realizes their baby is all she’s ever needed in life. But when their daughter takes ill, Elizabeth returns to the Nash manor to beg for Jacob’s medical expertise. Another Nash family servant, jealous of Elizabeth’s potential to rise in station, lies and says he will not come. Elizabeth is forced to return home empty-handed and their baby dies. Blinded by rage, she curses Jacob into becoming a creature of the night. He dies and reanimates as a vampire, spiraling them both into a bloody dance that puts Elizabeth’s goodness at risk.

This novel of 85,000 words is paranormal historical fiction with a strong romantic undercurrent. It will appeal to readers who enjoy Susanna Kearsley (Bellewether) and Luanne G. Smith (The Vine Witch), as well as pop cultural influences like Hamilton and Dan Curtis’ Dark Shadows. There is potential for this novel to be a series.

My name is [my name], and I am a contributor for the home and garden section of the [newspaper name]. I am also a member of [organization name] and Quill & Scroll, and have written articles for [magazine name]. Thank you so much for your time and consideration!


[my name]
[my email]
[my phone number]

*Thank you for offering this opportunity, Nathan! It's much appreciated!*

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Post by Me_marino » March 16th, 2020, 4:30 pm

Hello, Nathan.
The following is my Query for my completed Adult Suspense Fiction novel. Thank you very much for your assistance in getting this Query presentable. My address, phone number, and email are on at the top right corner. Then the query begins:

Dear Jessica, 

When I read that you were looking for Suspense and commented, “I want twists, turns, and surprises.” I knew I could introduce you to FOOTSTEPS FORGED, my completed 93,700-word Suspense fiction manuscript of an estranged father and son reunion that takes place in a misbehaving Pennsylvania forest. Their reconciliation becomes complicated by a deranged bear, an urban legend, and a woman that as fallen out of the sky.

On the tenth anniversary of his wife’s death, ANGELO CREDENTE, a stubborn seventy-year-old man who refers to his gliomas, as the “rocks in his head,” finds a strange woman sitting in his bedroom’s rocking chair. Hallucination? He stopped his medication. A prank? The October’s full moon kicks-off the yearly haunting of the local Kara Cha legend. A visitation? He doesn’t believe in spirits or demons or angels. A guilty conscience? It’s his last chance at forgiveness for his wife’s death.

MATTHEW ‘MATTY’ CREDENTE, his wayward son, lost his money in a rigged poker game, and his girlfriend burned down his apartment. Using the hide-a-key, he creeps into his father’s house. He’ll confront his old man in the morning. Except. The following day, Matty wakes to find he’s alone. A note found among the camping equipment challenges him to “Come, follow me.”

Hours apart, Angelo and Matty have their journeys. Matty begrudges hiking on their favorite trail to bring back his father. His teenage wilderness skills, buried by adulthood, save him the first night. When he meets the exploited would-be actress and her manipulative boyfriend-director, on the hunt to prove the urban legend, Matty’s skills come to their rescue. After a bear attack, Matty treats the actress for shock and wounds. Guided by the full moon’s light is the victimized mixed-race female Park Ranger, who believes is being chased by her assailant. She barges into Matty’s tent while the bear is on the prowl. Miles away, Angelo helps a hiker with a sprained ankle. He recognizes her as the woman from his bedroom. Each time Angelo tries to escape her, the forest brings him back to her. And, each time, the mystery woman probes the penitent Angelo with the memory of his wife. Is she Kara’s ghost? His wife’s avenging friend? An Angel? Death?

All trails lead to Sagemore, the abandoned village where the urban legend began. Another one is about to be made. The Ranger, perceived as the criminal of her attack, is met by the Sheriff and his men. Guns are drawn. Shots fired. Fifteen times. When it’s over, a phenomenon, performed by the mystery woman, changes everyone’s truths. For Angelo, his gift saves a life. Forgiving saves his.

Written in the third person, Beta readers commented that FOOTSTEPS FORGED had the elements of the hit show, EVIL. The logical and the supernatural can explain the action in the story that involves characters inspired by current movements. This is my first novel. I write as M. E. Marino.

Thank you for your time with my query. I am submitting the first chapter as requested on your website. I look forward to the opportunity of presenting the completed manuscript to you.

Best regards,
Michael E. Marino

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The Closed Circle

Post by Craigwriter » April 2nd, 2020, 5:03 pm

If you’re fed up with fake news, try the fictional kind.

Raised on a military base in Japan, 23-year-old TV news cameraman Tom Miller travels to America for the first time to flee a broken romance. Fluent in Japanese, he stumbles across a scoop about yakuza gangsters siphoning billions from San Francisco’s tourist industry. Tom gets teamed with Japanese American reporter Mark Mori, who knows little about Japan and resents the fresh-off-the-boat white kid for being both more American and more Japanese than Mark sees himself. Despite the rocky partnership, they begin to penetrate the exotic world of duty-free luxury goods and tattoo-covered thugs. Tom recruits his Japanese ex-girlfriend as an “undercover” tourist, hoping to win her back. But when she disappears, the spotlight shifts to the only suspect—Tom.

THE CLOSED CIRCLE is an 80,000-word crime novel loosely based on events I covered as a news and documentary producer during the Japanese tourist boom of the late 80s and early 90s. THE CLOSED CIRCLE is also the first of a proposed crime series featuring Tom and Mark, inspired by the most dramatic stories of my 37-year career, which garnered three Peabodys and 26 regional Emmy awards. I also worked with legendary newsman Don Hewitt to produce a San Francisco version of 60 Minutes.

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From the Vault: Legends of Rock in Photographs

Post by JohnCrowley » April 3rd, 2020, 2:04 pm

Dear Submissions Editor,
Following extensive research of photography book publishers, I’m pleased to introduce PUBLISHER NAME to a 200-page book sure to be embraced by fans of classic rock — particularly those with musical memories rooted in the San Francisco Bay Area. 
The region’s legendary venues provided the stage for one of the most colorful eras in music history. When bands stepped into the San Francisco spotlight, they delivered a legendary performance.
Photographer James Crowley first trained his lens on the scene in the 1970s. The result is a vast collection that captures the biggest bands and iconic stars of the past four decades. In many cases, the images have never been seen publicly, buried in his vast archive.
His work includes The Rolling Stones, The Who, Eric Clapton, Carlos Santana, Prince, Bob Dylan, The Clash, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Van Halen, Journey, AC/DC, Tom Petty, Led Zeppelin, the Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top and countless others. 
James Crowley pushed boundaries (and in some cases, broke rules!) to get the perfect shot. He forged relationships that granted him intimate access. The result is a level of vivid detail that distinguishes his work from other rock photographers. 
His work is featured at The Solstice Gallery in Marin County, California. His professional portfolio includes Air France, Apple, Cellular One, Compaq, HBO, Intel, Mondavi Winery, Shaklee Corporation, and Yahoo. 
The success of Jim Summaria’s “Classic Rock: Photographs from Yesterday & Today” and Steven Sanchez’s “Rock & Roll For Everybody: A Photographic Tour of Today’s Bands” — along with the passionate audience that exists for James Crowley’s work — demonstrates that there’s a targeted marketplace for this book. 
I’m collaborating with James Crowley as a curator and editor. In 30 years as a professional journalist, my stops include ESPN, CBS, NBC, Yahoo, the San Francisco Chronicle, and Apple. 
We appreciate your consideration, and look forward to hearing from you.
Last edited by JohnCrowley on April 6th, 2020, 12:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by aldernans » April 3rd, 2020, 4:03 pm

Please consider my 78,000-word YA mystery novel, BUTTERFLY WARS: What Really Happened to Grandmother? This is a retelling of the original Red Riding Hood story and told in three perspectives: The Wolf, The Grandmother and Little Red Riding Hood.

This story is set in a small town with queer grotesque Southern characters where superstition creates a werewolf through the imagination of a young girl named Elizabeth Christmas,, also known as Little Red Riding Hood.

Elizabeth Christmas has problems – her grandmother just tried to kill her. When her overactive imagination convinces her that she’s turning into a werewolf this sardonic little girl begins exploring the mystery - before she starts ripping out beating hearts.

Her grandmother is more than an old woman with a sweet smile and horn-rimmed glasses. Little Red thinks she tried to kill her. But, that isn’t all. Her Uncle John becomes less content to measure his life in coffee spoons and becomes more than a watching shadow. He might try to kill her. Of course, her beloved mother cannot be trusted and her best friend might not understand. Both of them could die.

Elizabeth searches for clues in her grandmother’s past uncovering the secret of a werewolf legend dating back to 1945 and tracing it to her blood thirsty grandmother. As she searches, three bodies are found brutally murdered and another attempted murder makes her look like the killer, the girl in the red hood.

This book is similar to books like WICKED by Gregory Mcguire. It's like WICKED because it flip-flops the boxed-in notions we carry about evil. In my story the character of Little Red and the grandmother is questionably evil and in WICKED, the Wicked Witch of the West is good.

BUTTERFLY WARS is a mystery. Please contact me if you would like to read a partial or full manuscript.

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Location: West Virginia

Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by francocook1 » April 7th, 2020, 11:26 am

Dear Agent (this was addressed to an agent I heard speak last year);
I enjoyed hearing you speak at the Pittsburgh Writers Conference last spring where you mentioned that you were a fan of time travel stories with an interesting twist. Therefore, I thought my Young Adult portal fantasy, THE PARALLEL might be a good fit for you. Complete at 95,000 words, this story contains historical and sci-fi elements that tie the plot together and add believability. The summary is written below. If it meets with your approval, I look forward to hearing from you.

Sixteen-year-old Amara is snarky and smart. She speaks multiple languages, reads ancient Greek, but still gets nervous when confronted by her class mean girl. She just wants to fit in. Interning at the museum in D.C. every weekend with her curator father won't help with that. When she thinks life can't get any worse, an encounter with a mysterious artifact hurls her through time, and into a world that mirrors the ancient Carthage her father has told her about.

Alone in the past with only her wits, Amara seeks out Ba'al Hammon, a Carthaginian god hiding from interdimensional enforcers. Unable to use magic undetected, Ba'al strikes a bargain. He will return Amara home if she delivers a powerful djinni to a war camp in Saguntum. There, the creature will be used in an assault against Rome that could change the course of history. Hoping to see her father again, Amara agrees to the god's terms. But as she grows closer to those she meets in the past, the lines between saving history and saving herself, become blurred. Now, Amara is faced with two choices and one future filled with uncertainty.

In the writing world, I have published an academic book and written short stories for local publications. My career as a clinical social worker at the local child advocacy center has afforded me the opportunity to work closely with young adults. I also enjoy tweeting about writing and I have a growing following. When I am not drafting my next novel, I can be found hanging out with my teenager and husband, binge reading, or volunteering at the local food pantry.

Thank you for your time and consideration regarding my manuscript.

Andrea Guadalupe Franco-Cook

S Chan
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by S Chan » April 13th, 2020, 6:44 am

Dear [Agent],

According to your agency’s website you’re actively seeking middle-grade fantasy and diverse voices, so I’m hoping you will consider my 72,000-word novel, SOLOMON LIN AND THE SORCERER’S KINGDOM, for representation.

When solemn twelve-year-old Solomon Lin sees other students waiting at the bus stop for his new school, he hides in a nearby park, telling himself he’ll catch the late bus. Instead he stumbles through a red door into a kingdom without a sky, where phantoms laugh in lantern-lit stairways and no one ever grows older. The kingdom is ruled by a mysterious Sorcerer, and when Solomon mistakenly trespasses in his enchanted castle, the Sorcerer strips Solomon of his shadow and casts him into the street – with no way of getting home.

Afraid and desperate, Solomon joins a den of child thieves and strikes a deal with their mischievous leader, Pax: Solomon will go undercover for her as assistant to the Grimket Keeper, the cold-hearted undertaker of the kingdom’s ensorcelled mausoleum, and in exchange, Pax will take Solomon to see the kingdom’s Witch about his lost shadow. But to Solomon’s dismay, the Witch tells him he must recover his shadow himself. Worse still, she tasks him with finding the sky, hidden long ago by the Sorcerer to keep the kingdom under his cursed reign.

Solomon must contend with the Grimket Keeper’s watchful eye; the resentment of the other thieves, who threaten to kick him out of the den; and the impossible task of uncovering the Sorcerer’s deepest secrets. He is helped by his new friendship with Pax – until they find a way into the Sorcerer’s castle, and the revelations within cause them to begin keeping secrets from each other. In a world where nothing is as it seems, Solomon must learn to trust himself and his friends, or be trapped in the kingdom forever.

Thank you for your time and consideration,


S Chan

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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by catshields » May 5th, 2020, 3:09 pm

Dear [Agent],
I am currently seeking representation for my novel, A MILLION WAYS TO MEASURE NORMAL. Given your interest in memoir, I thought it might be a good fit for your list.
Before 1990, the term "mental retardation" was used to describe individuals diagnosed with low IQ, but it has since been replaced with the phrase, "intellectual disability." There are currently over seven million children in the United States diagnosed with this condition. Nothing can prepare a parent for the emotions that come with raising a special needs child.
At approximately 84,000 words, A MILLION WAYS TO MEASURE NORMAL is a story of denial and acceptance. The year was 1988 when a doctor told us our four-year-old daughter was profoundly retarded and would never grow up to live a normal, independent life. I grappled with this life sentence, went through stages of anger, denial, grief, and finally acceptance. Throughout our journey, my stubborn resistance and determination helped our daughter achieve much more than the doctor originally predicted. Along the way, I learned the lessons of unconditional love. In 2011, at the age of twenty-eight, our daughter moved into a group home.
This story would appeal to adult women, mothers, and parents of children with disabilities. One reader has compared the novel’s themes to that of Magdalena Newman's NORMAL: A MOTHER AND HER BEAUTIFUL SON. and I think it will find an audience in readers of that novel as well as novels by Tara Westover or Jeannette Wells—writers who use domestic settings to illuminate universal themes.
An excerpt of this memoir was published by Levitate Magazine, Issue No. 3 (2019). My short stories have appeared in Ariel Chart International Literary Journal, '45 Magazine Women’s Literary Journal, Flash Fiction Friday, A Story in 100 words, and Spillwords, Strength To Be Human (Podcast, Episode 96: An Interview with Catherine Shields): “My Phantom Ovaries”. This short story remains in the top ten reads of the international online journal Ariel Chart and was nominated for the 2019 Pushcart Prize for Fiction by that same publication. I am a member of the Florida Writers Association and a retired educator with an M.S. Ed in Reading. I currently reside in Miami, Florida where I live with my husband.
Included below are the first twenty-five pages of the manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Joined: January 10th, 2020, 7:38 pm

Fishbelly White

Post by Marlo » May 14th, 2020, 11:31 pm

Dear Name of Agent,
Since you represent--, my favorite cozy mystery writer, I hope you will want to represent me and my debut novel, Fishbelly White.

Fishbelly, my cozy mystery complete at 90,000 words, introduces recently widowed Claudia Perry, a 50ish travel writer: myopic, asthmatic, zaftig, curious and full of gumption. She wants to be a part of a family when she returns to her hometown of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho to reconcile her relationship with Betti, her size 4 widowed mother, and her sycophant younger brother, Artie. She feels guilt at the stirrings of new emotions when she reconnects with her old high school crush, Sheriff Frank Adams, who arrests Artie on charges of murder and counterfeiting for white supremacists. Betti pleads with Claudia to prove Artie innocent. Convinced he is guilty, Claudia dives into the world of “The Silent Army,” taking along Phyllis Corlett, her best friend from childhood. She confides her discoveries to her late father’s law partner, George Kapell. She trusts the sheriff’s. One of them is lying.

Fishbelly would sit on the bookshelf with Serena Kent, Joanne Fluke, and Charlaine Harris (Aurora Teagarden series). It is Murder She Wrote meets The Turner Diaries.

I have been given access to materials taken from the former Aryan Nations supremacist headquarters gathered by undercover Kootenai County (Idaho) sheriff’s deputies. Fishbelly is inspired by true events involving supremacist counterfeit operations in North Idaho.

A native of Coeur d’Alene, my weekly by-lined column ran in the San Mateo Times (California) for thirteen years and I continue to freelance with travel writing and as a reviewer of Oregon Shakespeare Festival and other performing arts. A former faculty member of the Santa Barbara Writers Conference, I am a member of Sisters in Crime, Mystery Writers of America, the Historical Novel Society of North America and Willamette Writers.

This book is a stand-alone with series potential.

This is a multiple submission.

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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Muse_Clio » May 21st, 2020, 5:39 pm

Dear [Agent],

The day the Flemings adopted Nicholas was the happiest day of his young life. Until he met Lorelei. With flaming red hair and a gap between her teeth, Lorelei was the most fearless girl Nicholas had ever met.

After bonding over mutual sun allergies, Nicholas and Lorelei become inseparable. But Nicholas has a secret that no one knows yet: he’s part vampire. At least, he thinks he is. His adoptive parents think it’s a quaint fantasy, a game he plays with his sister. They don’t realize how seriously he takes it.

Trapped at camp by a sudden snowstorm after Lorelei suffers a skiing accident, too far in the icy mountains for the ambulance to reach them timely, Nicholas panics and does what he thinks a vampire should do: he bites her.

Angry and afraid for her friend’s sanity when Nicholas admits what he did to save her, Lorelei tells him to go away. She had no idea he’d flee to his uncle’s house in Egypt.

When the Arab Spring erupts in Cairo, it takes his uncle’s savvy (and some friends in high places) to get home safely.

Complete at 60,000 words, Children of the Night is YA fiction.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

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Joined: May 22nd, 2020, 12:11 am

Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by NicoleS » June 9th, 2020, 11:42 pm

Speculative Fiction
Last edited by NicoleS on July 26th, 2020, 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

heidi wainer
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Joined: July 6th, 2020, 1:21 pm

Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by heidi wainer » July 6th, 2020, 2:00 pm

Dear {amazing agent person},

Beyond the Rings of Imagination is a 76,000 word young adult space opera with romantic elements. The story mixes the seedy underbelly of space life seen in Firefly, with the drug culture of Breaking Bad, and the culture shock and romance in Save the Last Dance. It will appeal to the readers of Sharon Shinn and Maria V. Snyder.

Sixteen-year-old Shara Bransford dreams of studying exovirology to stop otherworld contaminates from endangering Earth, but after rejection from her dream university and her mother’s death, Shara must live on her father’s mining ship in the rings of Saturn. Spacers often discriminate against Earthers, who lack skin the mutations which protect against radiation, and Shara’s skin resembles her mother’s, more peachy than green.

A rust fungus has infested the ship’s arboretum. Eradicating the fungus without harming the plants will help her family grow the food they need while enhancing her next application to her dream university. Despite her Earther status, Shara finagles an interview with a professor to discuss her project and discovers the fungus is the main ingredient in the system’s most addictive drug. Her stepmother is growing the rust on purpose. Shara’s research proposal angers the Feldichi Drug Cartel. They retaliate with a bomb that breaches the ship’s hull, kills Shara’s grandfather and gravely injures her father. To save her father’s life and free her family from Feldichi control, Shara must abandon her educational aspirations. Only her imagination, gumption, and willingness to push science into the future can combat the cartel poisoning the entire solar system.

I would be happy to send you the complete manuscript upon your request. Thank you for your time and consideration,
Heidi Wainer

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