NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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RachelT
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Post by RachelT » June 28th, 2021, 11:02 am

Dear Favorite Agent -

Eighteen-year-old, California girl, Sasha Clems runs along the beach each morning in the hopes of earning a cross-country scholarship and then heads off to the first of four jobs. (Because she probably won’t get the scholarship anyway and she will be the first person in her family to go to college). Then one morning, her run leads her to a beached sea-dragon. With its dying breath, it gives her its magic in the form of a basketball-sized jewel.

The last time this happened, the jewel was auctioned off in the high nine figures. After, that was, a kidnapping, three deaths, and an international manhunt by the magic-handling families. Sasha’s jewel is only the answer to all her problems if she can hold onto it.

She doesn’t come from a long line of paranoid con-artists for nothing.

Sasha reenacts/videos finding the sea-dragon’s body sans dying-breath-moment. She reports the body to the magic-handlers’ website and posts the video online, using the upload time to pinpoint her location as she ditches her phone just long enough to hide the jewel. (Everyone knows the magic-handlers totally have the cell system bugged.)

When the magic-handlers show up on her family’s doorstep, she plays them perfectly. So perfectly that the ransacking of her family’s house comes as a complete surprise. As does a way-too-vivid dream of a hot magic-handling boy with dire warnings about other dragons. And then a series of notes begin floating down from her bedroom ceiling; the old guy who found/sold the last dragon jewel wants to help her. (Well, maybe he does…)

An attack on her grandfather and the arrival of a caravan of black government vans make her decide to retrieve the jewel and run for it. The floating notes provide her with GPS coordinates in Newfoundland, Canada, and with no better offers of assistance, she heads northeast. It’s a cross continent race to see if she can make it while still in possession of the sea-dragon’s magic (and decide who she’s going to trust along the way).

Sasha vs. the Whole-Wide-World (and Dragons) is an 80k contemporary YA fantasy. (No vampires, werewolves or fated-soulmates included (but an obnoxiously ethical, seriously gorgeous love interest, yes!))

Juliealeon
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Juliealeon » July 7th, 2021, 12:02 pm

Dear Ms. Ageny

I'm reaching out to you because we met briefly at the **** SCBWI Conference when you and ******* were promoting ************. It's such an entertaining, beautiful book and I loved your vision with the story's potential.
Similar in style , I'm hoping you might be interested in taking a look at my debut MG fantasy, The Dreamseeker. (Side note- it's been 10 years because I've been focusing on motherhood.)


When strange things start happening in her sleepy, countryside parish, 12-year-old Sophie Harker wonders why she's the only one noticing. Everyone is forgetting things, from what they were just doing- to more importantly- the kingdom's royal family! Even her own adoptive parents are affected. And no one, but her, seems to care that all of the children have also suddenly disappeared! After learning the kingdom is under an evil curse of forgetfulness and that she might be the one prophesied to break the curse and save The Royals, Sophie must embark on a heart-led quest, traveling on foot by day, and through the dream realm at night. With a little bit of hope, a smidge of magic, and some unexpected help from really high places, she might just do it...and perhaps, find out who she really is along the way.

The Dreamseeker is 59,000 words and stands alone as a debut novel. I'm currently doing research for my next book with series potential. I pursued writing as a hobby in college, but focused on Communications and non-profit work until recently.

I’d be delighted if you would consider The Dreamseeker for representation. Thank you very much, and hope to talk to you soon.

katemargaret
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by katemargaret » October 14th, 2021, 6:05 am

Dear [AGENT],


Smart and sensible Everly Peris couldn’t fathom a world where magick exists, but when a twist of fate brings her to the realm of Empyriam, everything she knows about her life is turned upside down. After meeting Noa Berrie, a budding scholar, she discovers her own connection to this world, the shocking truth about her past, and magickal power she possesses. As a frightening conspiracy begins to reveal itself, the lives of these two teenagers are irrevocably intertwined as they are thrust into a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse.


With the help of Blu, an incredibly skilled magist, and Psylor, a rambunctious faeyad, Noa and Everly navigate a whirlwind of deceptions and secrets while battling against the sinister forces that threaten to destroy Empyriam. When Everly is left without a shred of hope for her own survival, they each must shatter the bounds of their limitations and put the strength of their character to the test.


Can Everly embrace her newfound powers and save the realm? Or will Empyriam be forever marred by darkness and destruction?


THE EMPYRIAM CHRONICLES, complete at approximately 88,000 words, is the first book in a planned series for YA fantasy enthusiasts. At the forefront of this compelling story, the past and present collide and the mysteries of Empyriam begin to unravel, transporting both the reader and the characters into a world of magickal intrigue and adventure.


This is my first novel, which will appeal to your love of “girls who kick ass” with its representation of strong-minded female characters who don’t shy away from danger and definitely don’t mind getting their hands dirty!

Thank you for your time and consideration,

bonador
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by bonador » December 31st, 2021, 9:41 am

I hope that you will be interested in a historical fiction crime novel that I have recently completed. “Devil Dog Dreams” is based on the service of U.S. Marines guarding the U.S. Mail in the 1920’s. I’ve long thought that this episode provided the historical raw material for a rousing and intriguing tale combining “roaring twenties” and “lost generation” elements. My work is also an homage to Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett.
I was in the Marine Corps for some time, and I think that my military background gives added authenticity to the story. I have also done considerable research on this historical period. I’ve found archival and secondary source material in the National Archives and Library of Congress. Along with Chandler and Hammett, another model is John W. Thomason, sometimes called the Kipling of the Marine Corps.
This is my first adult foray into fiction. I’ve had three non-fiction books on military subjects published. In some ways, I address similar issues in my non-fiction and in “Devil Dog Dreams.” The novel raises very contemporary questions of leadership, ethics, and the role of the armed forces in civil society. Frank is also suffering from what we would now call Post-Traumatic Stress, even Moral Injury, and he gets some help from a physician and others to understand and to overcome his dreams and memories. Often by his side is the lovely and intelligent Mary, supportive but with a mind of her own.
There is a renewed interest in fiction in military circles. I also think that fans of the “hard-boiled” school of American detective fiction will be interested. Like the Billy Boyle novels of James R. Benn, “Devil Dog Dreams” may be said to combine military history and crime fiction in one.
I append the first five pages of a completed manuscript. Thank you in advance for your consideration
Respectfully Submitted,

nikburdge
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by nikburdge » January 16th, 2022, 8:18 pm

Dear Sally Agent,

I saw on your MS Wishlist page that you’re looking for atmospheric, character-driven contemporary fantasy. I hope you’ll consider my adult speculative novel, DIVINED, complete at 101,800 words.

Chloe doesn’t like secrets, not since her own secret cost her one of the most important relationships in her life. All she wants now is a quiet life with Marcus, her best friend and roommate. But during a Christmas party, Chloe learns a new secret: she can see “echoes”—ghostly images that appear unexpectedly and expose other people’s secrets. Marcus, too, has acquired a power, visions that reveal the truth behind a person’s lie.

And they aren’t alone. As others empowered by The Divination reckon with their own abilities, Chloe and Marcus must confront the past they’ve long buried, which threatens to reveal things Chloe would rather stay hidden. She has to learn to control the echoes or risk losing the one person she has left.

DIVINED is a dark and propulsive multiple POV book for fans of Peng Shepherd’s The Book of M and Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House that explores the power of secrets, the blurred lines between truth and delusion, and the danger of pretending that what we don’t know can’t hurt us.

I have an MFA from the University of Akron. When I’m not writing, I work as a medical scientist and enjoy an active inner fantasy life.

Per your submission guidelines, please find below the first ten pages as a sample of my writing. I’m prepared to send the whole manuscript upon request.

dbwriter
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by dbwriter » January 28th, 2022, 11:56 am

It has been a hundred years since alien travelers came and brought miraculous machinery to ancient North Africa, and then suddenly left. The few tokens of technology they left behind are now failing, and the economy that once thrived suffers. The Camel Driver’s Daughter is an alternate history fantasy middle grade book of 50,000 words. My book could be shelved with Story Thieves by James Riley or Aru Shah and the End of Time by Roshani Chokshi.

When Nawa’s father, a camel driver becomes injured, she must take her family’s camels across the Sahara to deliver their cargo or face ruin. Her only chance to succeed is Isa, the King’s second son, who poses as a vagrant stable boy. But Isa is on his own quest after the palace suffers an attack. His sister is held captive, and to save her, he must deliver a message across the Sahara to his older half- brother. As they cross the Sahara, someone follows with the intent to kill. Nawa looks to Isa for help, but instead catches him trying to escape. He would abandon her to the assassins, and the evil spirits said to prowl the sands. He denies it, but is Isa using Nawa for his own agenda or are they each other’s only chance for survival?

I write primarily MG fiction, but I’m fascinated by graphic novels, non-fiction, and big lies. My great-grandmother came from Tunisia and I’m in awe by those that came before me. I have three middle grade books published by North Star Press and numerous magazine articles with the latest in Cricket.

me@joshkelley.ink
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by me@joshkelley.ink » January 28th, 2022, 4:40 pm

Dear [xxxx],

I am sending you this query because [xxxx]

“When a college freshman falls in love with a classmate who was sexually abused, their secrets threaten to destroy everything that means anything to them.”

Eighteen-year-old Dave Carmichael is a golden boy who aspires to pastor the biggest church in his denomination but has a habit of stealing porn. Leah Kline has her mother’s compassion and her father’s self-righteousness, but longs to escape from their abusively fundamentalist home. When they meet at a southern Californian Bible college in 1982, their secrets threaten to derail all their dreams.

SINS OF THE FATHERS is a contemporary novel that tells the story of Dave and Leah, through their own POV’s, as they struggle against everything from Leah’s sexual abuse to Dave having possibly knocked up his dad’s girlfriend. It is Tara Westover’s memoir EDUCATED meets Nancy Pearl’s GEORGE & LIZZIE, with hints of Rainbow Rowell’s FANGIRL. There’s a touch of neurodiversity via Dave’s undiagnosed dyslexia (based on my own experiences) and Leah’s sister with Down syndrome. SINS OF THE FATHERS is complete at 107,000 words.

Like Jojo Moyes’ ME BEFORE YOU (in the series of the same name), SINS OF THE FATHERS is a standalone novel, but also the first in a planned trilogy following Dave and Leah through falling in love, marriage, infertility, infidelity, desertion, and falling in love again after twenty-five years.

I’m a former pastor turned bartender turned full-time ghostwriter. I have one traditionally published book (RADICALLY NORMAL, Harvest House 2014) that saw modest sales and translation into German. Since then, I’ve ghostwritten nine more books and have two in process. I live in northwest Washington with my wife and two daughters.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Josh Kelley

RachelT
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by RachelT » January 28th, 2022, 4:52 pm

Dear [Agent],

Eighteen-year-old, California girl, Sasha Clems runs along the beach each morning in preparation for competing in cross-country at college and then heads off to the first of four jobs. (Because she will have enough money saved up to have a full college experience). One morning, her run leads her to a beached sea-dragon. With its dying breath, it gives her its magic in the form of a basketball-sized jewel.

The last time this happened, the jewel was auctioned off in the high nine figures. After, that was, a kidnapping, three deaths, and an international manhunt by the magic-handling families. Sasha’s jewel is only the answer to her financial problems if she can hold onto it.

She doesn’t come from a long line of paranoid con-artists for nothing.

Sasha reenacts/videos finding the sea-dragon’s body sans dying-breath-moment. She reports the body to the magic-handlers’ website and posts the video online, using the upload time to pinpoint her location as she ditches her phone just long enough to hide the jewel. Everyone knows the magic-handlers totally have the cell system bugged.

When the magic-handlers show up on her family’s doorstep, she plays them perfectly. So perfectly that the ransacking of her family’s house comes as a complete surprise. As does a way-too-vivid dream of a hot magic-handling boy with dire warnings about other dragons. Then a series of notes begin floating down from her bedroom ceiling; the old guy who found/sold the last dragon jewel wants to help her. (Well, maybe he does…)

An attack on her grandfather and the arrival of a caravan of black government vans make her decide to retrieve the jewel and run for it. The floating notes provide her with GPS coordinates in Newfoundland, Canada, and with no better offers of assistance, she heads northeast. It’s a cross continent race to see if she can make it while still in possession of the sea-dragon’s magic and decide who she’s going to trust along the way. (Good thing she knows how to run.)

Sasha vs. the Whole-Wide-World (and Dragons) is an 85k contemporary YA fantasy. No vampires, werewolves or fated-soulmates included, but an obnoxiously ethical, seriously gorgeous love interest, yes!

Hermina
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Hermina » January 29th, 2022, 9:39 am

Hi Nathan,
I'm nominating my query for review. Thank you so much for the great blog!

Dear Agent,

Complete at 120,000 words, my High Fantasy, SON OF PROPHECY, offers a fresh take on the chosen one trope. Its psychological twists and bisexual protagonist make it a good match for what you seek to represent.

ATHREL, Ka’el’s young king, hopes his reforms, his prayers — saints burned, even his freakish soul-reading! — will reignite his countrymen’s war-weary faith.

Winning the noblemen’s trust, convincing the Faith’s high priest, KALUNET, that he’s not a crazed zealot are the least of his problems when a band of hell-sworn Nethmals destroy a Ka’elian border town. Peace treaty dissolved, Athrel must abandon his God-vowed priorities.

He kills the lone enemy warrior lingering in the town’s ruins, and unknowingly gives a charismatic Nethmal access to his dreams. The Nethmal, seeking an alliance, commandeers Athrel’s thoughts, his speech, and even reorders his memories.

Friends question Athrel’s sanity. Kalunet challenges his sanctity. God, whose covenant Athrel carries in his blood, is strangely silent.

Athrel knows the Great Anointing, just two days away will reclaim him for the Faith, if his prayers can keep the Hell-sworn voices at bay, if he can refuse their seduction.

If he can trust the visitation of his sainted-mother dressed in Nethmal armor, and embrace a
suspect prophecy secretly cherished by the radical members of his religious order.

Torn between remaining true to his crown and covenant or professing a Nethmal’s creed, Athrel must decide if the cost of prophecy and his own healing are worth the price of his soul.

I draw on my fifteen years as a Secular Carmelite to shape Athrel’s spirituality and his dark night experience. With emotionally charged conflicts and religious-themed intrigue, it will appeal to readers of Mark Lawrence’s ‘The Book of the Ancestor’ series.

The opening of SON OF PROPHECY received Editor’s Choice recognition from (reviewer at well-know publishing agency) at (online critique group) and has placed in the top three contest submissions in (International unpublished writers contest).

Thank you for your consideration.

SMStevens
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by SMStevens » January 30th, 2022, 12:25 pm

Dear [agent’s name]:

Charley Byrne isn’t really living. In my contemporary novel BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS, the bookstore manager fears something tragic will occur in this, her twenty-ninth year, because she lost her grandparents seven years before and her parents seven years before that. So she hunkers down in her apartment above the bookstore in the fictional city of Wrighton, regulating her emotions with strict routines and self-harm rituals.

Charley lets herself be lured out of this self-imposed social exile by the prospect of friendship and romance with haiku-spouting activist Xander Wallace. She joins Xander’s circle of five diverse friends and thrives—even leaving her comfort zone to join her friends at various protests in the city.

But the new friendships bring betrayal. One friend arranges for the real estate development company she works for to purchase and raze Charley’s haven—the building that houses the bookstore and apartment. The deal was put in motion before the two women met, but the friend does nothing to stop the deal’s progress, even after learning the job pulled Charley out of an earlier depression-like funk.

Then, Xander turns violent at a Black Lives Matter protest, bashing a police cruiser with a baseball bat and horrifying the pacifist Charley. The back-to-back incidents propel an already unstable Charley into a true depression. It’s up to her friends to save the bookstore—and Charley. In the process, their long-held views on social justice issues are challenged, and each finds their own path to activism.

As in Nine Perfect Strangers, the individuals in the ensemble cast bring their own concerns and fears to their burgeoning relationships. The strong bonds they build based on their common age and experiences are more akin to the foursome in A Little Life.

One goal of BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS is to show the “real people” behind the statistics on today’s social justice issues. My daughter suffers from mental health issues, so I feel a personal connection to that subject matter. Numerous sensitivity readers and diversity consultants provided perspective and guidance on other aspects of the book.

A synopsis, sample chapters and the completed, 109,000-word manuscript are available upon request.

My last novel, Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, was published by TouchPoint Press in 2019 and I have a short story appearing in the next issue of Smoky Quartz. I am a career business writer who began writing fiction 13 years ago, honing my craft through writers’ groups, workshops and seminars. My articles have appeared in publications including The Boston Globe and Guitar & Bass magazine.

[personalize for the agent if appropriate]

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Susan Boucher (she/her)
(writing as S.M. Stevens)

Behm
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Behm » February 2nd, 2022, 2:08 pm

Dear (Agent name),

On your website and Manuscript Wish List I saw that you like historical fiction that has a different angle. I've written a historical novel that might make us a good fit.

I like to think that enemies are human, or at least not all of them are monsters. Scattered across the United States during World War II were over 360,000 German prisoners of war. Kept in 150 base camps, and wanting out, they made numerous escape attempts. My 81,000 word story, UNDER THE WIRE, is based on the true event that at Camp Trinidad, Colorado, prisoners escaped through a tunnel. I realize World War II has been largely covered, but this remarkable aspect of German POWs has been largely overlooked.

German prisoner of war officer Captain Martin Beyer has a fear of suffocating when he's enclosed, the prison camp much too confining for him. His distress comes from a traumatic incident during the war in North Africa, and fuels his desperation to escape. To get out, a tunnel is dug from his barracks to beyond the wire fence. Besides having problems avoiding discovery, Beyer is in conflict with the ardent Nazis who rule the camp inside, which their ideology jeopardizes the tunnel completion. But by sheer resolve Beyer manages the escape.

On the outside two women aid the escapees by providing a car in a run for the Mexican border. Traveling through rural New Mexico, they experience the American home front, acquire more food and gas by robbing, get past roadblocks, and shoot down a surveillance plane. In pursuit are camp guards and FBI agents, both with their own need to recapture the prisoners. Captain Beyer, however, despite having trouble eluding them, will not give up. He would rather be killed than go back.

I've had articles and short stories published in magazines, and I have a bachelor's degree in philosophy from a state university. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Gary Behm

Neil Larkins
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Neil Larkins » February 3rd, 2022, 7:41 pm

I've been trying for over a year to write a query for this memoir. Again and again, and then I stumbled on this one that I'd composed about a year ago and had forgotten!

From: Neil Larkins
E-mail [REDACTED]
Phone No. [REDACTED]
To: Ms, Jane Doe, agent

I understand you represent memoir. For your consideration, from 1969 -

"As I stood face to face with Jimmy in that junk-strewn back yard in the roughest part of town, I knew I was out of my league, about to bust the case wide open...or blow it sky high."

That's what our search for Shelly, a twenty-one year-old runaway, had come down to when five days earlier, Gwendolyn Harper arrived at the office of Magill and Associates, Private Detectives, searching for her daughter. Could my boss, Chief Investigator, Glen Magill, help her? Indeed he could. He, and his Lead Field Investigator - me - got right on it.
The case would require all of Glen's incisive mind and extensive experience, and my fresh ideas to solve, but solve it we did. By the end of one busy week, mother and daughter were brought together in a tense, tear-flooded reunion.

How, is what fills in the blanks.

This and three other real life detective stories, comprise THE APPLE-GREEN, METAL FLAKE, T-BUCKET HOT ROD: TALES OF A RELUCTANT PRIVATE DETECTIVE, complete at 50,000 words. These stories, told in a casual,, straight-forward style, will appeal to all who are interested in the ways detectives worked their cases "back in the day," and how one lived his personal life...most of it unlike what's depicted in books, movies and TV. (Hint: I didn't even own a gun!)

Personal -

A 76 year-old retiree, I've self-published a trade paperback YA-Fantasy/Adventure, "The Key and the Crest: The Unlikely Adventures of Frances Westerly," and two e-books, a YA-Mystery, "Mouse Hole," and a compendium, "The Wonderfulist & Three Other Short Stories."

Attached -

As requested, a two page synopsis and the first twenty pages of the manuscript.

Thank you.

judymcsweeney619
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by judymcsweeney619 » February 3rd, 2022, 11:54 pm

Dear (Agent),

I am excited to submit THE RAINMAKER’S SECRET, set in 1915 drought-ridden San Diego, about a 12-year-old farm boy with unshakable fears and challenging dreams who becomes the confidant of a dubious role model with dangerous goals of his own. This middle grade work of historical fiction is complete at 51,000 words, including backmatter and recipes.

By age 12, every Warren male for generations has leapt off Cottonwood Creek Bridge in a traditional passage to manhood. Eli Warren can’t swim, but he is 12. The creek level has dropped, and so does Eli—thanks to an unfortunate misstep. Tommy, his strapping older brother, rescues him. Frightened and ashamed, Eli develops two raw fears—drowning and heights. He’d be happy if his feet never again left dry ground. Yet when Eli learns that his deceased mother had yearned to soar on the Ferris wheel at the Exposition, he longs to honor her dream.

Seeking distraction, the brothers spy on Charles Hatfield’s off-limits rainmaking camp. Eli’s caught, but he avoids Hatfield’s shotgun by tempting his sweet tooth with cookies. Hatfield hears Mama’s wish and proposes a deal—homemade deliveries for Expo cash. Eli trusts this unlikely mentor who understands impossible goals, haunting self-doubts, and suffering hearts. Eli climbs the rain tower to battle heights. When he sees supersecret ingredients at the top, he becomes Hatfield’s confidant; after all, Charley’s supportive friendship has been unwavering. But when the rainmaker’s perilous weather experiments jeopardize Eli’s family, the stakes are life-and-death… old fears are triggered—and this time, Eli’s all alone.

Winning top awards from SCBWI and SDSU Writing Conferences, THE RAINMAKER’S SECRET also was named Best Unpublished Manuscript in the San Diego Book Awards. But very few people know the true mayhem caused by Charles Hatfield. Perusing old newspapers and remains of his primitive weather tools sucked me into the oddly engaging history of the quirky man and his drama. Was he a brilliant meteorologist or merely a plucky sideshow scientist? One question would not leave the writer in me—how would he be viewed through the eyes of a 12-year-old? Lucky enough to live in San Diego, I felt compelled to release Hatfield’s ghost from the dark corners of the San Diego History Museum and give him a fictional young friend who could introduce him to today’s middle grade readers. I weave delightful quotes throughout the tale, showcasing Hatfield’s sly wisdom, unstoppable nature, and dark humor to inspire, motivate, support, and respect a young protagonist on the verge of adulthood. My hope is that readers will glean self-confidence along with Eli, as this feel-good tale unfolds inside a little-known yet powerful historical event.

I appreciate your time and thoughtful consideration. I’d love to work together, so please grab your umbrella and enjoy this tale. I hope you are thunderstruck!

Sincerely,

vampyr14
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by vampyr14 » February 10th, 2022, 12:24 pm

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for Standing Too Close, an 82,000 word contemporary YA novel that will appeal to readers who enjoyed books like The Boy Who Stole Houses by C.G. Drews, Far From the Tree by Robin Bennway, Stick by Andrew Smith or Invincible Summer by Hannah Moskowitz.

Seventeen-year-old Blue Lannigan believes in exactly one thing: his two younger brothers deserve more than the crappy apartment and abusive, drunken mother they’re stuck with. And when he comes home to find one brother bruised and bleeding (again), the other cowering in terror (again) and their mother drunk off her ass, blaming all three of them for her tanked singing career (again), Blue decides waiting until he’s 18 to leave is no longer an option.

Deciding to hole up in an empty house at the lake until Blue can figure out what to do next, things get more complicated when the owner of the house arrives unexpectedly. Especially when Blue realizes the unconscious woman they’ve tied up on the couch isn’t a stranger after all, but someone who could give him just what he’s looking for.

After avoiding reality and playing house, a scene at the grocery store lands him in handcuffs and his brothers with a social worker. Add to that losing his job and being stuck in a group home he hates, and Blue’s sole purpose becomes finding his brothers and getting them out of whatever hellhole they’re in. Blue’s hopes unravel, and betrayal rips his heart in two as he tries to reconcile the role he plays in his brothers’ lives while trying to figure out his own.

Full of forbidden romance and the kind of hurt only family can cause, this book reaches to the heart of anyone who has struggled with abusive parents and foster care while also reminding us that we can walk away from the past we’ve survived even if the present doesn’t look the way we imagined it.

I have published four YA novels with a small press, and my short stories have appeared in Halfway Down The Stairs, A Fly in Amber, Daily Flash Anthology, The Barrier Islands Review, Everyday Fiction, Death Rattle, Kissed Anthology, Just Me Anthology, Drastic Measures, Cutlass & Musket and Residential Aliens, among others. I participate in writing blog Operation Awesome, offering weekly advice for writers as agony aunt O’Abby.

Per your submission guidelines, you will find the first XXX chapters and a synopsis below.

Regards,

jcgower
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by jcgower » February 10th, 2022, 1:13 pm

Dear [agent],

Limarion magic is a curse. The wards protect us. Your mother's dead because of you. These truths are central to Avinia's world, but when she is killed by her step-father and wakes as a Limarion on the wrong side of the wards, she must learn for herself what truths are worth fighting for. Worthy dying for.

At Avinia's side walks Kallan, a warrior who gave up his crown and stays to the shadows, protecting those he loves. Old magic flows through his bloodline and a call to keep Avinia safe sounds in his soul. But if he cannot control his own growing powers, he may prove to be more of a danger than a help in her quest.

Four hundred years ago, the Rivenire overthrew the old gods who terrorized the lands. When Avinia wakes in Rivenire, she finds herself the target of Erebos, an old god who seeks to reclaim his throne. Because of the old magic that courses through her veins, he needs her to regain his rule. Whether she lives or dies in the process matters little to him.

SWORD OF BONE is YA fantasy dual narrative at approximately 90,000 words that will be the first in a duology. The tension stemming from complicated relationships and high stakes will appeal to readers who enjoy the worldbuilding of Throne of Glass, the battles of The Red Queen, and the angst-ridden relationships of Shatter Me

When I am not writing, I am wrangling my four and three year old, reading, or teaching my 'big kids' in an eighth grade English classroom. SWORD OF BONE was written during mealtimes and after bedtime as the characters and story refused to be quiet, disregarding my love of sleep. It is my hope that it will immerse readers in the world of the Rivenire, keeping them up far past their bedtime as they escape into a world of magic, swords, and mischievous creatures who are always more than they seem.

Thank you so much for your time.

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