NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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cmonson
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by cmonson » February 10th, 2022, 2:33 pm

Dear Agent;


Kade Maddox’s fifteenth birthday sucks. However, one good thing comes out of it: the brave yet obedient teen is allowed to leave home for the first time. Actually, he’s ordered by his mother. She wants Kade to take his two younger (twin) siblings to a cabin high in the mountains. She gives no other reason but “to protect them from AIB” — a clandestine agency who wants to use the children to start a war.

Strange misfortunes befall Kade while leaving his secluded Appalachian compound. He accidently discovers he has electrokinetic abilities; unmarked helicopters spray a red mist over the cabin; and he begins to question…well…everything. But when he witnesses his mother’s death and is shot by a deranged hunter, Kade becomes lost. Not knowing what to do, he submits to his recently-resurrected older brother Grayson’s wishes and takes the twins to a small town outside Savannah, Georgia.

While laying-low in Magnolia, Kade works hard to fit-in with the townies and appease Grayson. He attends high school for the first time, makes a couple of friends, and trains to defend his family. He also learns that he and his siblings are genetically-modified beings, trained since birth to become super-soldiers for the U.S. government. But when Kade attracts the attention of prominent locals, he must make a choice: break his promise to his mother or stay even if it put his siblings at risk. If Kade comes to terms with the monster inside, he may stand a chance at controlling his own fate and saving his family. If not, more than just their lives are in danger.

EXTRAORDINARY TALENTS is a 76,000-word, YA SFF/ thriller. I believe it will appeal to fans of Flawed by Cecelia Ahem and The Dysasters by P.C. Cast & Kristen Cast. I am a member of SCBWI and former children’s bookseller.

Thank you for your time.
Last edited by cmonson on February 25th, 2022, 10:51 am, edited 4 times in total.

MaryDuquette
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by MaryDuquette » February 10th, 2022, 4:59 pm

Dear ---,

I am seeking representation for my completed 70,000-word novel, And That Divine Eye.

This is what I remember: the gray field. The wind. The rain. The river. Nothing at all.

The tornado that presumably killed Georgia’s entire household rescued her, setting her down gently in the grass miles away. She was just a baby then, and she hasn’t spoken since. Now fifteen, Georgia is dangerously drawn to the hurricanes that pass through the coastal New Hampshire town where she lives with her Aunt Bridger and Uncle Joey.

She writes letters to her late mother about pyramids, the moon, Bach, and Ben—the older intern whose attention she doesn’t quite understand. Bridger and Joey struggle with whether finally enrolling her in school would bring her much-needed socialization or simply create opportunities for her to be exploited. When a well-hidden secret about Georgia’s mother is revealed, Georgia sets off alone to discover the truth about her past—and whether she is able to forgive. Her disappearance brings Bridger and Joey’s failing marriage and loss of a child to the forefront. And as Georgia flies farther from Bridger and Joey’s protection, they all must face the losses and loves that have shaped them.

A story that celebrates the wonder and divinity in the mundane, And That Divine Eye might be shelved with books such as Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward, Where’d You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple, Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty, and The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.

My work has been published in Epiphany, Ginosko Literary Magazine, and The Good Life Review, as well as the pulp fiction anthology Murder Ink 3 (Plaidswede Publishing). I earned my MFA in Writing, with a concentration in Fiction, from the University of New Hampshire, where I won the Dawkins Prize for my short story collection. I am a member of the New Hampshire Writers' Project.

Please find the first few chapters pasted in this message below, per your submission requirements. Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Mary Duquette

jtgarrison97
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by jtgarrison97 » February 10th, 2022, 5:39 pm

Dear...:

I chose to submit to you because...

Twelve-year-old Frederick David Jones is dissatisfied with school and routine and dissatisfaction. He wants to really live, you know. His solution: wander into the woods. When he accidentally dozes off, he finds himself in a realm where the trees have grown about a hundred feet tall and aged about a million years. A spirit lady points to a strange fog hovering over his hometown and tells him that she and the world are fading and that their fate depends on him remembering this place. When he wakes up in his bedroom, though, he must confront normal routine life. As he pretends and gradually believes that it was only a dream, his experience of reality deteriorates. Fragments of time slide from future to past without stopping to be present, and a greyness seeps into the eyes of those around him, whose actions turn ever more algorithmic. When he returns to the woods and falls asleep with his imaginative-and-somewhat-unsocialized new friend, they find again the realm of gargantuan trees, but it has turned monochrome and misty, and the spirit lady has become a monster. Frederick must rediscover and remember the sacredness and magic of the world and of his place in it before the fog of forgetting leaks between worlds and blankets everything and everyone in mindless, colorless, everlasting nothing.

FREDERICK AND THE WOODLANDS is a 51,000-word lower YA novel somewhere between urban fantasy and magical realism. Its primary audience is 12-14, but it will appeal to a wide range of ages. Elements of the story and voice evoke Colin Meloy’s WILDWOOD and Katherine Paterson’s BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA but with a touch of Hayao Miyazaki-esque nature magic and Guillermo Del Toro-esque horror.

I am a young writer and graduate student living in Fort Collins, Colorado, where I study political economy and environment at Colorado State University. I have published short stories in Tulsa’s The Voice and The University of Tulsa’s Stylus, and I have a minor in creative writing. This project—hopefully—will be my first published novel.

I hope you will consider FREDERICK AND THE WOODLANDS for representation. Please find the first ... pages below. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Last edited by jtgarrison97 on May 25th, 2022, 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

travelkat
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by travelkat » February 10th, 2022, 6:45 pm

Jane doesn’t know what she is, but she knows what she doesn’t want to be: a monster.

After Wyoming farm girl Jane discovers that her rare blood disorder is really the result of magic, and that mysterious shadows are hunting her, she reluctantly agrees to attend a supernatural boarding school on Martha’s Vineyard. Jane wants to find a cure for her magical problems so she can go home.

Elemental Academy is presided over by Inanna, the Mesopotamian goddess of love and war. It serves a wide array of students, from werewolves to witches to wirry-cows. To Jane’s surprise, she grows to love her new school. She makes friends, and discovers she can talk to animals. Flying Angora bunnies, cooing giant glowworms, cat-size potty ponies conjured from bedpans, regenerating pigs, and an avenging chicken satisfy Jane’s deep need for connection with the animal kingdom, lost when she left her family farm.

When the school is attacked and a life-sustaining crystal is stolen, Jane embraces her magical powers. She and her friends, including a flighty antebellum ghost, a shy pink-eyed Yeti, a suave vampire, and a cocky werewolf, embark on a quest for the school’s crystal. If they don’t retrieve it in time the mummies at the school will turn to dust, including Kheperu, Jane’s charming and conflicted new mummy friend.

Away from the safety of the school, Jane is again hunted by shadows. It’s a race to see if Jane and her friends will find the crystal before the shadows find them.

To make matters worse, Inanna’s enemy, the Queen of the Underworld, plans to use the crystal to raise her undead army. She intends to usurp Inanna’s place, and her power. If Jane fails, so will the world, as the two magical factions will be plunged into an apocalyptic war for control of Earth.

I am writing to seek representation for my 60,000 word fantasy novel, Elemental Academy. It’s a stand-alone work, but intended to be the first in a series. I graduated from Dartmouth College and Columbia Law School, and received fiction fellowships to the Martha’s Vineyard Institute for Creative Writing and Aspen Autumn Words. I have had poetry, paintings, and short stories published in literary journals. I’ve swum naked in the Arctic Ocean, smuggled anthropomorphized durians, and been choked by a plague-pit-dwelling Scottish ghost. I’d be thrilled if you would consider Elemental Academy for representation. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Last edited by travelkat on August 12th, 2023, 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

angieb
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by angieb » February 10th, 2022, 10:58 pm

Per your website I see that you are seeking books in the Fantasy Fiction genre at present, so I am pleased to introduce my work, Immortal Wounds, complete at 93,000 words.

When Isobel witnesses her mother and husband’s murder by a pair of vampires and hears one claiming to be her father, she uses a portal to travel to 1697 Scotland, to seek answers about her parentage. The portal, however, drops her off 100 years early, where she encounters three siblings, all residents of Elden’s Castle. The youngest, Meg, is full of magic and Isobel learns she has been feeding a vampire; the one who killed her family.

Meg’s magic allows him to see his mortal family that he mourns, while his venom gives her brief immortal strength. The bite marks, the immortal wounds that scar her wrist, are identical to ones Isobel’s mother had. Calling forth the portal again, Isobel takes Meg and they go to see Mariam who confirms that Isobel’s father is a vampire. She produces a diary that was written by the siblings mother. Inside it tells of their family legacy, the magical bloodline, and the prophecy from two hundred years ago that has shaped their futures.

After poisoning the vampire and believing him dead, Isobel decides to return home. Meg reads through her mother’s diary and tells Isobel that the vampire they killed, the one who claimed to be Isobel’s father and who was fed from Meg, is also Meg’s true father. Isobel calls forth the gateway one last time. During her travel home she realizes that her fate, dictated by the prophecy, took her where she was needed first; to learn about her family legacy and prepare future descendants for what is to come.

With a clear demand for books within this genre, I believe that it will appeal to a wide range of readers who enjoy stories in the fantasy realm.

I live in Fort Worth, Texas and writing fiction for adults has always been my dream. I have attended many writing conferences, joined several writing groups, participated in writing contests and have previously published 5 children’s picture books. Immortal Wounds is my first work of adult fiction and is the first book in a planned trilogy.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

denizb33
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by denizb33 » February 11th, 2022, 3:39 am

Dear [Agent],

I have chosen to query you because [xyz]


Mawdlen was born on King Arthur's grave.

That is the story her father told her, along with legends of the King and his daring knights, who fell afoul of lovely maidens and fought their way through perils back into grace and favour. Then the battles of the kings of her own time begin anew, and Master Cunnick packs up his household and brings them to the teeming, reeking city of London. After some years, though the Wars of the Roses continue, their own hardships ease as Master Cunnick finds a measure of success as a merchant. One day, delivering her father's noon meal at his warehouse, Mawdlen meets a young sailor named Santiago. He wins her heart, because he too speaks of knights and of errantry, but he is not yet master of his own ship, and when his captain sails, he must leave, too.

The years pass and Mawdlen is now over late to be married, but she fancies none of her suitors, no matter how many fetes and dances she attends at the home of wealthier friends. Wealthier, because Master Cunnick's fortune has failed him, and every day the family's luck and prosperity dwindle further and her father sinks into dissolution. Mawdlen finds an opportunity to help and, unbeknownst to her family, begins to deliver goods for a back street merchant, not a member of any guild. She is unaware of the other businesses operating from the establishment.

Santiago, having finally achieved his fortune – a ship to call his own – and returning to claim his long-awaited maiden, sees Mawdlen emerge from the back door of the merchant's and assumes the worst. But the fate that brought them together is too strong to be thwarted. They meet again at a costume party, where, despite their masks, their loving hearts each recognise the other. They must rescue both themselves and Mawdlen’s family from the clutches of the wily merchant and his nefarious gang, before they can deem all perils vanquished, and be free to celebrate the bliss of their union in marriage.

CAPTIVE OF THE SEA is a historical complete at 59,000 words.

My contemporary romance Summer Fire (Carina Press) and my short story “One to Another” in the Insecure Writer’s Support Group anthology Dark Matter: Artificial (Dancing Lemur Press) are available now; my paranormal romance Druid’s Moon is scheduled to be published in September 2022 (Dancing Lemur Press). I have lived and worked in Canada, Switzerland, and Turkey, and my non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu. My short story 'Where There's Life' was shortlisted for the Surrey (Canada) International Writers' Conference Storyteller's Award in 2013. I blog about writing, reading, and travel at http://www.thegirdleofmelian.blogspot.com.

Thank you for your consideration.

DB33

Debra
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Debra » February 11th, 2022, 4:26 am

Dear Agent:

Hawks House is about Cherry, a fun, gossipy, and well-educated young woman with a strong voice who, because of her deep love of literature tends to see her own story as a book. By scouring the finest English literature of her time, she finds much-needed inspiration on how best to transition from past to future when the present provides no safe place to stand. Her story kicks off in the intriguing pre-war world of travel, privilege, and responsibilities taking her through the Second World War and a bit beyond. It is set in Canada, America, the Low Countries, England, and finally South Africa.

I am approaching to you because you have a keen interest in women’s literary and commercial fiction. I consider Hawks House (73,000 words, complete) to be a mix of both with, on the one hand, an action-packed plot that tracks Cherry's transformation from wife and mother to a spy, charged with helping to procure industrial diamonds from South Africa for the Allies, and on the other, significant literary references that clearly impact my heroine’s decision-making. I would love to think that my heroine has a similar irrepressible and often sardonic voice not unlike the inspiring historical heroines of Beatriz Williams.

I’m a retired international tax lawyer, astrologer, and ardent student of philosophy, psychology, and literature. I am also an American who has lived and worked in Europe for many years, having finally settled in Oxford. I have formally studied creative writing and English literature at the University of Oxford and it was whilst studying the work of modernist writers like EM Forster and Virginia Woolf, that I first had the idea for my novel.

I very much hope you will enjoy my work and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Author

KTOEngen
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by KTOEngen » February 11th, 2022, 10:31 am

Dear [Agent],

[Insert personalized or at least research-based connecting point]

Twelve-year-old Winx Muller never outgrew dinosaurs. He’s got the wall art, book stash, and paleontologist autographs to prove it. But his panicky dislike of dirty things means a life spent digging up fossils may never be. And with his parents missing while his older sister, Marta, deals with some mystery illness, Winx doesn’t expect to leave Aunt Lena’s house anytime soon. But while poking around his great-aunt’s storage closet Winx finds a pair of super-smelly socks that sing promises of Time Travel. Suddenly the future – and the past – are wide open.

Winx and Marta try everything (even research!) to see Mesozoic dinosaurs. But rules like ‘Take nothing, leave nothing in other times’ and ‘Return to your time in under 30 minutes’ are harder to follow than expected. And the Time-Space Continuum does not play. Stumbling through unpredictable fossil-hunting hot spots, Winx gets covered with pig snot and mud in colonial America, chased by men with explosives in Victorian England, tracked by an ancient native in the desert Southwest, and almost drowned in British Colonial India. And bungling time travel rules leaves Winx with bumps, bruises, and a potentially busted-up future. Still determined to reach the Mesozoic, the siblings test new theories and try bolder methods that take them back, beyond, and through the evolution of paleontology. Along the way (and no thanks to suddenly-so-secretive Aunt Lena), they unearth clues about their parents’ disappearance and a potential cure for Marta.

WINX THINKS – DINOSAURS (25,000 words) is a middle-grade time travel fantasy for readers who like fast-paced fantasy romps seasoned with dollops of science and history. The story stands alone but could expand to a series.
I’ve written books for emergent middle grade readers with Rigby Literacy, Capstone Press, and others as well as a nonfiction picture book for the Smithsonian Institution. See my About page for other work that includes guest blogging about kidlit, reviewing for Children’s Literature (CLCD), and publishing educational materials.

Thank you for your time and consideration of my work.

Marlo
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Marlo » February 12th, 2022, 4:14 pm

My completed historical fiction debut novel, CHARMIAN: THE SECOND MRS. LONDON, (110,000 words) combines the historical and literary insights of The Paris Wife with the intimate and emotional revelations of That Churchill Woman and The Paris Bookseller as well the adventuring of Under the Wide and Starry Sky.

In San Francisco 1900, an audacious Charmian Kittredge gives not a fig for societal norms. She is twenty-nine, educated, employed, unmarried, a clotheshorse, rides cross-saddle and believes in free love. Wheedled into meeting the young writer, Jack London, she is flummoxed by their instant chemistry. He marries another. Charmian chooses to enter his world as friend, then editor and, finally lover, no matter the consequences. When their affair becomes public, they challenge and inflame life-long conflicts among family, friends and detractors. Calling one another, “Mate,” they marry and embark as equals in adventures unimaginable for a woman of her time. An enabler, she is his writing muse, his life partner and his determined equal, mentally and physically. Historically in the shadows of Jack London, she narrates their private and public life.

I have permission from the London estate for use of Charmian’s diaries, ephemera and of the London’s personal correspondence in the Huntington Library. Excerpts incorporated in my manuscript add intimate insight to her story and their lives.

A member of the Jack London Society, I have been a featured speaker at their International Biennial Symposia. Former director of the Jack London Writers Conference in the San Francisco Bay area, I was a faculty member with Barnaby Conrad at the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. I hold membership in the Historical Novel Society of America, Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime and Willamette Writers.

Thank you for your consideration. I hope Charmian’s story sparks your interest.

Neil Larkins
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Neil Larkins » February 13th, 2022, 2:43 pm

I already have a query on this forum, which has been critiqued (thanks, Nathan!) but he's said he's running low and has requested more submissions. So here's a second one --

From: Neil Larkins [contact info redacted]
To: Jane Doh, agent

Hello,
I've perused several of the memoirs you've represented and feel this might appeal to you: my memoir from 1969, THE APPLE-GREEN, METAL FLAKE, T-BUCKET HOT ROD: TALES OF A RELUCTANT PRIVATE DETECTIVE, complete at 55,000 words.

"When I stood face to face with the car's owner in that junk-strewn back yard in the roughest part of town, I knew I was out of my league, about to bust this case wide open...or blow it sky high."
That's what our search for a twenty-one year-old runaway had come down to when five days earlier, her mother had arrived at the office of Magill and Associates, Private Detectives. She had one question for Chief Investigator, Glen D. Magill: Could he find her daughter?
Indeed he could, along with his Lead Field Investigator - me.
We jumped right on the case and quickly realized its complexity would challenge Glen's incisive mind, extensive experience, and my fresh perspectives. But solve it we did. By the end of one intensive week, mother and daughter were brought together in a tear-flooded reunion.
How, is what fills in the blanks.
This, and three other real-life detective stories told in a straight-forward style, will appeal to all who are interested in the pre-internet techniques investigators used to work their cases "back in the day." Also, a glimpse into my personal life, much of it quite unlike what's depicted in books, movies and TV. (Hint: I didn't even own a gun or a fancy car...but with the job often mixing with my off time doesn't mean things were dull!)

Personal -
A 76 year-old retiree, I've lived a varied life and self-published several books: a trade paperback YA-Fantasy/Adventure, "The Key and the Crest: The unlikely adventures of Frances Westerly," and two e-books: a YA-Mystery, "Mouse Hole," and a compendium, "The Wonderfulist & Three Other Short Stories."

Attached -
As requested, a two page synopsis and the first twenty pages of the manuscript.

Thank you, Jane, for your valuable time.

lu2johnson
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by lu2johnson » February 14th, 2022, 3:23 pm

Hey Nathan, Happy Valentine's Day! I'll hope that my query comes at a good time to get your feedback. The text follows--

Dear Agent,
As I mentioned on Twitter, I’d been planning to sign up to meet you at the Atlanta Writers Conference in May, but hearing that you’re currently open to submissions made me decide not to wait. It’s your interest in fiction that blends storylines that piqued my interest in you. My novel, PANDORA’S PORTRAIT, does just that, reimaging the ancient myth in a modern context.

In PANDORA'S PORTRAIT, artistic savant Paisley Locke jumps at the chance to become curator for troubled painter Cary Taylor in his ancestral Savannah home. Paisley persuades Cary to participate in the local City Gallery show, and he paints a portrait of her as Pandora, the woman who unleashed evil on the world. Paisley’s outraged to be depicted as such a reviled figure. But she recognizes in herself a willful innocence that leads to devastating consequences, a quality she shares with her mythic sister.

As Paisley grows secure in her power, she urges Cary to exceed his limits, unaware that she's asking more of the fragile artist than he can give. Cary’s final paintings release him from the bonds of his abusive past while catapulting Paisley into success, a gift that secures her future but shatters her innocence.

PANDORA'S PORTRAIT was born of my southern roots, MFA in poetry, BA in art history, and years of experience working with artists in galleries and studios. My novel combines southern fiction’s emphasis on quirky characters and lyrical language with a modern-day re-imagining of the Greek myth—think The Blue Bath meets an accessible Circe.

Attached please find the full synopsis and the first fifty pages as requested. The rest of my 85,000-word novel is ready to go, and I would be very pleased to send you the complete draft.

Sincerely...

emilylong
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by emilylong » February 18th, 2022, 5:24 pm

Dear Agent ,
According to your website, you are actively seeking Young Adult fiction, which gives me the pleasure to introduce my debut novel, The Girl with Violet Eyes.

The day Grace Parker turns eighteen her whole life changes drastically. Forced out of the comfort of her mundane life, Grace is thrust into the world of the supernatural; discovering in the process that she isn’t even human. Taken under the protection of the clan of werecats that reside near Grace’s hometown, the truth about the world is revealed to her.

Grace soon learns that she is being targeted by a pack of werewolves that have plans to kill her. Her death will cause Ragnarök, the end of the world- decimating the entire werecat species. Centuries long enemies, eliminating the werecat population will give wolves the ability to prosper under the reign of their god, Fenrir.
Torn between love and the law, will Grace be able to save herself or will the distractions she faces cause the end for not only her- but for everyone?
This story, set-in small-town Virginia, runs approximately 117,000 words and is similar in tone to Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series.

My name is Emily Long, and I am a 23 year old veterinary student currently living in London, UK. Originally from New Braunfels, Texas, I graduated from Texas A&M University in 2020 with a degree in Animal Science. I have dreamed of being an author since I was a little girl, and that aspiration was revived during the March 2020 quarantine period. I fell back in love with reading during this time, which in turn inspired me to write again. Unable to choose between books and animals, I aspire to be able to combine them. British author James Herriot motivated me to pursue each of my dreams.

Thank you very much for your time.

partnerinflight
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by partnerinflight » February 18th, 2022, 10:17 pm

Hi Nathan:

Thanks for doing this!

Dear {agent}:

The Old Monster, complete at 75k words, is a supernatural thriller with the heart of Fredrik Backman’s A Man called Ove meets Joe Hill’s Heart-Shaped Box.

Isaac, a 93yo WW2 survivor, cannot hear children. It’s a type of selective hearing loss he’s had since the Great War. He considers a blessing. Yet when, following a seizure, Isaac meets Will, a newly orphaned 13yo at the local county hospital, he finds there’s more to his strange affliction than he suspected.

A ghost has been haunting the hospital for many years now, killing male patients via induced heart attacks. The ghost pounces on Isaac, transporting him back to 1941, to a time when he was a partisan fighting the Nazi occupation of Ukraine, and into events leading up to a dark secret Isaac has been suppressing all his life, the murder of his infant daughter when Isaac was 14, and a curse that took children out of his life.

Inexplicably, Will travels alongside Isaac, into a body of an old peasant, a witness to those events. This also allows Isaac to hear the boy, both in the 1941 memories, and in the present. But as the ghost forces the two of them to relive Isaac’s crime, Will gets progressively sicker, leading Isaac to a dreadful realization: if he cannot finally face his traumatic past, the boy whose company he’s come to treasure will die.

Eugene Polonsky lives in Seattle with his wife, two boys, and a floppy-eared non-Beagle. His short stories have appeared in Reed Magazine, Armarolla Magazine, and Kaaterskill Basin Literary Journal.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

HopeRidesWest
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by HopeRidesWest » February 19th, 2022, 9:41 pm

Dear XXX

{Personalized housekeeping opener.}

Magic is a bitch. Ever since his best friend brought him back to life two thousand years ago, Lazarus has spent his days trying to figure out why. What are you supposed to do when the literal Messiah pulls you out of a tomb and then fucks off for all eternity?

And he isn’t alone. Lots of things exist that go bump in the night, and plenty of them have a taste for human flesh. Laz works to maintain the balance, preserving ancient monsters and protecting everyday people who can’t figure out why there’s blood in the water.

But something is eating souls. Something big and nasty. What’s worse, the victims are all an ancient order of priests who guard the secrets of the universe. If Lazarus can put a stop to the killings, they’ll give him everything he’s ever wanted. If he can’t, then there might not be anything left of the tri-state area.

What’s an immortal in a beat-up ford to do?

The Thresher: Old Souls is a 95,000 word urban fantasy that blends the wry humor of Jim Knipfel’s These Children Who Come At You With Knives with the grit and heart of Christopher Moore’s A Dirty Job. The manuscript is complete and can stand alone with series potential.

I’m a Kentucky native who adventures in China whilst teaching English Literature and espousing the virtues of good bourbon. In my spare time I enjoy pestering my wife, competing in strongman competitions, and getting hilariously lost in foreign countries.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Nicholas R. Wagner
Last edited by HopeRidesWest on February 19th, 2022, 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

amymunro
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Re: NEW - Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

Post by amymunro » February 20th, 2022, 8:42 pm

Hi Nathan, thanks so much for doing this. I always enjoy your redlines in the newsletter.
Cheers!
Amy

NurenCorp sent a colony ship, the Venture, to Nuren-1821 one hundred and seventy years ago, but a suspensapod malfunction left no adult survivors. The children were presumed to be a lost cause, and Nurencorp abandoned them to a savage planet where humans without technology were nowhere near apex predators.

Saren, a girl of twelve, led as many survivors as she could in a daring escape from the Lord-of-the-Flies brutality that erupted in the wake of the landing. With the guidance of three children’s stories, a survival manual, and a rigid set of rules, Sarin’s group learned to live on the planetary surface.

Now, her ancestor Baron, already banished from the tribe of Children for genetically bonding with a Gralla against the council’s wishes, breaks the Children’s most forbidden taboo and visits the Venture. It’s not like they can banish her twice.

Those left in the Venture didn’t die as her people believed. They are still locked in a desperate battle for survival within the failing technology of the colony ship, fighting for scraps of food in a brutal hierarchical society called the Kings.

One fierce warrior, Alira, secretly protects a group of refugees that have escaped to live within the mechanics of the vessel and call themselves the Rats. When Alira glimpses Baron outside the ship, a human who must know how to live on the surface, she feels their salvation has come.

Alira and Barron must build trust with each other and the survivors to coax the remaining humans onto the planetary surface before the technology that makes food on the colony ship, fails and chaos takes the ship and all the lives on board.

NUREN-CORP-1821 is a space opera complete at 70,000 words. This is my first novel.

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