Page critique 2/16/23

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Page critique 2/16/23

Post by Nathan Bransford » February 13th, 2023, 4:25 pm

Below is the page up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back later with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a page for a future Page Critique, please do so here.

Title: 'Journey To Love'
Romance
First Page

‘I should be in a convent?’ Virginia Warner spun her head around to face her friend, Dorothy
Baxter. That’s a strange thing to say, what do you mean?’
‘Remember how you couldn’t wait to leave home, your eyes glued to the calendar, willing the days away to your escape?’
‘Yes, I remember,’ Virginia lifted her eyes. A deep groan escaped from her throat.
‘And I’m very happy to be here. A smile lit up’ her face.
‘But what’s the point if you’re not going to have fun. I can’t believe that you intend going through three long years of nurse training without a fella, and cloistered in this nurses’ home.
You might as well be a nun. Good looks are wasted on you. Men would stumble over themselves for you.’
‘Thanks for the compliment, and I do intend having fun, going to lots of parties and all the places I couldn’t go when I was at home, but I don’t want to get involved with anyone until I’ve completed my training. I want to be the best nurse at St. Faith’s.’
‘Well if that’s the sacrifice we have to make, you can count me out.’
‘Not a sacrifice really. Truth is...I’m saving myself until I meet the right person.’
‘Ooh,’ Dorothy raised an eyebrow and looked askance at her friend. ‘I am impressed. You’re not called Virgin--ia for nothing. But why do I hear your father’s words echoing in your head. Mind while you’re so busy saving yourself, you don’t let Mr. Right pass you by and you end up an old maid like Home Sister and matron. This is nineteen sixty-six. The age of women’s liberation and free love. You can loosen your chastity belt, but beware an uninvited visit from the white stork. If you know what I mean.’

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