Query critique 8/18/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
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Query critique 8/18/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » August 15th, 2022, 11:36 am

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.


Dear [Agent],

[Insert personalized or at least research-based connecting point]

Twelve-year-old Winx Muller never outgrew dinosaurs. He’s got the wall art, book stash, and paleontologist autographs to prove it. But his panicky dislike of dirty things means a life spent digging up fossils may never be. And with his parents missing while his older sister, Marta, deals with some mystery illness, Winx doesn’t expect to leave Aunt Lena’s house anytime soon. But while poking around his great-aunt’s storage closet Winx finds a pair of super-smelly socks that sing promises of Time Travel. Suddenly the future – and the past – are wide open.

Winx and Marta try everything (even research!) to see Mesozoic dinosaurs. But rules like ‘Take nothing, leave nothing in other times’ and ‘Return to your time in under 30 minutes’ are harder to follow than expected. And the Time-Space Continuum does not play. Stumbling through unpredictable fossil-hunting hot spots, Winx gets covered with pig snot and mud in colonial America, chased by men with explosives in Victorian England, tracked by an ancient native in the desert Southwest, and almost drowned in British Colonial India. And bungling time travel rules leaves Winx with bumps, bruises, and a potentially busted-up future. Still determined to reach the Mesozoic, the siblings test new theories and try bolder methods that take them back, beyond, and through the evolution of paleontology. Along the way (and no thanks to suddenly-so-secretive Aunt Lena), they unearth clues about their parents’ disappearance and a potential cure for Marta.

WINX THINKS – DINOSAURS (25,000 words) is a middle-grade time travel fantasy for readers who like fast-paced fantasy romps seasoned with dollops of science and history. The story stands alone but could expand to a series.
I’ve written books for emergent middle grade readers with Rigby Literacy, Capstone Press, and others as well as a nonfiction picture book for the Smithsonian Institution. See my About page for other work that includes guest blogging about kidlit, reviewing for Children’s Literature (CLCD), and publishing educational materials.

Thank you for your time and consideration of my work.

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