Query critique 2/24/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
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Query critique 2/24/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » February 21st, 2022, 2:34 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Agent ,
According to your website, you are actively seeking Young Adult fiction, which gives me the pleasure to introduce my debut novel, The Girl with Violet Eyes.

The day Grace Parker turns eighteen her whole life changes drastically. Forced out of the comfort of her mundane life, Grace is thrust into the world of the supernatural; discovering in the process that she isn’t even human. Taken under the protection of the clan of werecats that reside near Grace’s hometown, the truth about the world is revealed to her.

Grace soon learns that she is being targeted by a pack of werewolves that have plans to kill her. Her death will cause Ragnarök, the end of the world- decimating the entire werecat species. Centuries long enemies, eliminating the werecat population will give wolves the ability to prosper under the reign of their god, Fenrir.
Torn between love and the law, will Grace be able to save herself or will the distractions she faces cause the end for not only her- but for everyone?
This story, set-in small-town Virginia, runs approximately 117,000 words and is similar in tone to Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series.

My name is Emily Long, and I am a 23 year old veterinary student currently living in London, UK. Originally from New Braunfels, Texas, I graduated from Texas A&M University in 2020 with a degree in Animal Science. I have dreamed of being an author since I was a little girl, and that aspiration was revived during the March 2020 quarantine period. I fell back in love with reading during this time, which in turn inspired me to write again. Unable to choose between books and animals, I aspire to be able to combine them. British author James Herriot motivated me to pursue each of my dreams.

Thank you very much for your time.

Sandip
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Joined: March 3rd, 2022, 6:44 pm
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Re: Query critique 2/24/22

Post by Sandip » March 3rd, 2022, 6:50 pm

Emily, this is terrific query. It's concise, it gives us the germ of the story and the stakes. I suggest you put the paragraph with word count at the top with genre and I think you should mention this is a fantasy--that way your amount of words is considered justified. Good luck with it!!

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