Query critique 2/10/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 2/10/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » February 7th, 2022, 1:55 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

It has been a hundred years since alien travelers came and brought miraculous machinery to ancient North Africa, and then suddenly left. The few tokens of technology they left behind are now failing, and the economy that once thrived suffers. The Camel Driver’s Daughter is an alternate history fantasy middle grade book of 50,000 words. My book could be shelved with Story Thieves by James Riley or Aru Shah and the End of Time by Roshani Chokshi.

When Nawa’s father, a camel driver becomes injured, she must take her family’s camels across the Sahara to deliver their cargo or face ruin. Her only chance to succeed is Isa, the King’s second son, who poses as a vagrant stable boy. But Isa is on his own quest after the palace suffers an attack. His sister is held captive, and to save her, he must deliver a message across the Sahara to his older half- brother. As they cross the Sahara, someone follows with the intent to kill. Nawa looks to Isa for help, but instead catches him trying to escape. He would abandon her to the assassins, and the evil spirits said to prowl the sands. He denies it, but is Isa using Nawa for his own agenda or are they each other’s only chance for survival?

I write primarily MG fiction, but I’m fascinated by graphic novels, non-fiction, and big lies. My great-grandmother came from Tunisia and I’m in awe by those that came before me. I have three middle grade books published by North Star Press and numerous magazine articles with the latest in Cricket.

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