Page critique 2/3/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
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Page critique 2/3/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » January 31st, 2022, 12:39 pm

Below is the page up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back later with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a page for a future Page Critique, please do so here.

Slumped in my classroom’s last row, I stared at the back of my special-education classmates’ heads. James and Lauren locked lips, Jeremy drooled on his desk, and Destiny scrolled through a social media feed. Others doodled on their “mandated” worksheets while Mr. Hendricks, wearing baggy 1990’s clothing, played with his cellphone. If we had anything in common, our teacher shared our boredom. One perk came with my poor excuse of a class though and it rested in Nicole’s bra. Double D chest overflowed from her low cut shirt while she blew gum bubbles and checked her makeup. We’ve all caught Mr. Hendricks staring at her. Nicole banged half the student body, so it’s no surprise if she screwed Mr. Hendricks. She had to pass his class somehow. Kidnappers threw remedial freaks in their basement next to a boiler room with Mr. Hendricks because he compared to upstairs teachers like we compared to upstairs students.

High school imprisoned teenaged convicts, so we idled the same way my fellow inmates wasted class time in juvenile detention. Metal bars on public school basement classroom windows encouraged apathy and pieces of me died every morning I attended. Teachers don’t know anything, but they regurgitate a fraction of what they remember someone taught them and they expect us to follow suit continuing a redundant process. Basement held court, and Mr. Hendricks, our mundane jester, failed to entertain. Our school system ignored responsibility, Mr. Hendricks avoided teaching, and ADHD kids dropped out, but nobody cared. Why should I?

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