Query critique 10/7/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
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Query critique 10/7/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » October 7th, 2021, 9:08 am

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog today. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Mr. Bransford,
I am seeking representation for my 279,000 word historical novel; SHAKTI. Elizabeth Parker Lyons, a vegetarian, atheist, lesbian, Ph.D. candidate in Boston in 2000, is transported to an Imperial train cabin in Patna, India in 1900. While studying the Raj, in Boston, Elizabeth came upon and read the very personal letters of Martha Bagg describing a hellish life being married to a Calcutta Police Officer in the late 1890’s in India. While Elizabeth is trying to deal with British governmental persecution for having no documents, as well social condemnation, and psychological isolation, she is sought after by bored memsahibs hoping for scandalous and salacious details of her unconventional arrival in India.
Elizabeth does not fit what anyone expects of women during the Raj. She is ready to take some of the pompous English men down a peg, but must be careful they do not arrest her for being a suspicious personage without any proof of her bone fides during an era where the Great Game was always afoot.
While under police suspicion, Elizabeth searches for Martha Bagg, wife of a psychopathic English Police officer. If she does not find Martha Bagg, Elizabeth is certain Martha will be killed by her husband who as an English, police officer would escape suspicion, prosecution, imprisonment and justice. Elizabeth feels she must help if she is able.
On my first trip to India in 1976-1977 I lived with native families in Varanasi(Benares) and Chennai(Madras) as well as attending the Khumbh Mela that year in Allahabad. I have also made two subsequent trips to India. My professional life has been spent as a bookseller, in traditional bookstores, then as the sole proprietor of Pro Libris, a book search service. For the last fifteen years I have been a librarian, first as a Public Librarian, now as a Community College Librarian. My sole published piece is The Origin of the Buddhist Flag in The Flag Bulletin in 1981.
My life spent in and around books has allowed me the opportunity to see how books are marketed, and bought, and how they are selected for libraries and enjoyed through the use of library programs. I look forward to helping sell Shakti.
I look forward to hearing from you,

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