Page critique 8/19/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Page critique 8/19/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » August 16th, 2021, 12:11 pm

Below is the page up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back later with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a page for a future Page Critique, please do so here.

Owning the Path (Women’s Fiction-Historical)

October 1944


The silence didn’t alert Kate Fanning to the trouble when she entered the house. Her parents ended their frequent arguments by not speaking, so she was used to quiet. It was the random noise—a slammed cupboard door, a pan banging on the stove, a spoon clattering in the sink. It had to be her mother. Her father was sitting in his favorite chair, scowling at the newspaper in his lap, and no one else would have made such a commotion with him in the house.

On her way to investigate, she couldn’t avoid passing him. He glanced at her, made a show of ruffling the paper, and returned to his reading. She paused in the doorway. Her mother sprinkled salt and pepper on a simmering pot, then thumped the shakers hard on the counter.

“Hi, Mother,” Kate said.”

Margaret sucked in her breath through closed teeth. “Goodness! I didn’t hear you come home,” she said.

“I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”

“Your dad’s insisting you pay rent. He thinks it’s time you contributed to the household expenses. I argued with him, but I wasted my effort. His bullheaded notions make me crazy!”

“Rent?” Kate said. “Why didn’t he say something before I paid tuition? He knew I was registering at Wagner. I have to give them most of my pay for a year. I can’t manage both.”

“He knows,” Margaret said. “He says it’s throwing money away for a girl to go to college. He says you’ll get married and quit school.”

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