Query critique 8/12/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 8/12/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » August 9th, 2021, 2:00 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Agent [name],

Seeker, the boy who has risen to command the Resistance, tells no one where he came from or why he why he joined the rebellion. His army wouldn’t be so loyal if they knew he wasn’t fighting to restore order to the lawless human kingdom, but for the chance to assassinate the king, who kidnapped him as a child.

Far away, in a beautiful forest full of demons, lives the ghost of a dragoness named Caja. Nothing interesting has happened in her life for centuries, until the day Seeker visits to recruit a dragon for his war, breaking the rules keeping humans and dragons apart. Caja’s dying for adventure and wants to do something important, and she agrees to help him win his war. She soon learns she’s in over her head. A traitor lurks in the Resistance’s ranks. Communications from Seeker’s spies are being disrupted. Something about it all points to inhuman interference, but only Caja seems concerned.

Seeker finds himself in a precarious position as well. He cannot hide his secrets from a dragoness the way he can from humans. Caja slowly loses faith in Seeker and threatens to abandon the Resistance. If Seeker and Caja are to save both their worlds, they must learn to trust each other before the rebellion crumbles or the dragons reignite their old war with the humans.

ALL THE KING’S NAMES is the first book of an outlined YA fantasy trilogy, though it works as a standalone. It is complete at 90,000 words. I have included some sample pages below, and if you are interested in reading more, I can be contacted at [contact info]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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