Query critique 4/22/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 4/22/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » April 19th, 2021, 12:17 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear [Agent],

Reggie Kaplan is a Conjurer--one of a rare cohort who possess a telekinetic ability to manipulate atoms and molecules, and who are conscripted into public service converting waste into resources for communities across the nation. After violating Guild law by accidentally injuring another person, she was stripped of her power and indentured for the rest of her days. Years later she has settled into a quiet life as a wife, mother, and laboratory grunt when the Guild approaches Reggie with an offer. The Conjurer of Los Angeles has gone missing, and if she can serve dutifully in his interim she can have back her freedom.

While she’d be foolish to turn it down, the work is arduous and isolating. Reggie struggles to serve her constituents and still be there for her young children, while also enduring being shunned by her own staff and much of the larger Conjuring community. Her new position also puts her in the crosshairs of Carolina Reyes, the prodigy industrialist she maimed so many years ago and inventor of a new technology meant to compete directly with the Guild.

Soon Reggie uncovers evidence that the Mayor of Los Angeles may have been blackmailing her predecessor and driven him into hiding. Much as she wants to toe-the-line as not to jeopardize her agreement, she believes that exposing the corruption may hasten his return and her own redemption. However the more she digs, the closer she gets to a much larger plot that threatens irreparable damage to the discipline of Conjuring itself and the economy that depends on it. Unsure who she can trust--and get to trust her--Reggie must finally decide if the only one who can save a system is the one willing to break the rules. Even if it means endangering not just her livelihood, but her very life.

“The Conjurers” is a work of contemporary science fiction, complete at 90,000 words. It has a diverse cast of characters and is a standalone with series potential. [Bio goes here.]

Thank you for your consideration.

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