Query critique 3/25/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 3/25/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » March 22nd, 2021, 3:08 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Mr./Mrs. Agent's Last Name,

My name is John, and I'm excited to share my debut novel with you because of your interest in adult science fiction and thrillers. I believe your interest in (MSWL quote) would make my novel a perfect fit. Complete at 86,000 words, NEON FEVER will appeal to fans of Ghost in the Shell, and The Bone Collector.

Kain Forsyth is broken. After an attack while serving a tour off world with the United Offworld Special Forces, Kain finds himself unable to receive any cybernetic enhancements. No new organs, no new limbs, no second chances. His struggles leave him resentful and bitter in a world where everyone and everything is connected via neural implants.

Reckless and hostile, His struggles leave him resentful but Kain finally finds his calling when a hyper-advanced A.I begins to infiltrate the neural network, hijacking the bodies of its victims and forcing them to commit horrible murders. Kain’s illness makes him one of the only people immune to the attacks, but also puts him at a disadvantage against the dangerous semi-robotic citizens the A.I sends after him.

With the help of a talented hacker with a personal tie to the hunt, Kain must put his PTSD and self-loathing aside in order to out smart the killer. As he closes in on the mastermind, Kain discovers this killer might not be seeking vengeance but trying to save the world.

I’m currently a programmer for the State of Florida. My short fiction has been published in Daily Science Fiction. I’ve also had a strong love for everything Science Fiction and I am currently seeking a bachelor's degree in Creative Writing at the University of Central Florida.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

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