Page critique 2/18/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
Post Reply
User avatar
Nathan Bransford
Posts: 1552
Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: Pasadena, CA
Contact:

Page critique 2/18/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » February 15th, 2021, 12:22 pm

Below is the page up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back later with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a page for a future Page Critique, please do so here.

Mathilda

One of my Manolo Blahniks was the first thing through my private portal into my office. I was a secret shoe slut. Well, maybe it wasn’t so much of a secret. We all have our vices.

I always got a rush when I came to work. This place had a lot of residual magik. The house I had renovated, the Witch House, was first built by a Puritan in the 1600's and is directly related to the Salem Witch Trials, nestled in Salem, Massachusetts. It had been owned by several witches throughout the generations. A way for all the magik folk to infuse the place with positive energy, hopefully eradicating all the bad juju. It had worked.

I had to do some considerable magik and pay a hefty price to get the property after it had been made into a museum. It was mine, though. It was a big f-you to the man that was part of the torture and murder of my fellow sisters in magik. The sad thing is that most of the real witches escaped. The zealots had twisted the townspeople into hysteria and had murdered innocent women in its wake in a sick bid to increase their properties all in the name of intolerance.

Now it was home to my supernatural matchmaker’s agency. The second floor was occupied by my clerical staff and IT, a safe place for my gnome employees to work without prejudice. Gnomes are excellent with technology.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests