Query critique 12/3/20

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
Post Reply
User avatar
Nathan Bransford
Posts: 1552
Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: Pasadena, CA
Contact:

Query critique 12/3/20

Post by Nathan Bransford » November 30th, 2020, 12:32 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Query: When Happily Ever After Fails

Dear Agent:
Abigail Gardner was the kind of person who could feel alone in a crowded room. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it – because said tree’s parents were dead and twentysomething friends can only provide so much support – does it still make a sound?
Tired of feeling sorry for herself and trying her hand once more at teaching, a skill that came easy for her father, Abigail sets out to rewrite the rules on endings. Tragic endings, to be exact. Motivated by an assigned reading list full of death and destruction and strong-armed by her prep school’s headmistress into helping the drama club, Abigail begins to realize that tragedies don’t have to stay that way.
But can revising a few sad endings really prevent her fifth and sixth graders from experiencing such negative themes so early on? More importantly, can her exercise in revisionist history help her write her own happy ending, or was her fate doomed from the start?
When Happily Ever After Fails is a 94,000-word women’s fiction novel with series potential. It is available, in part or in full, upon request.
I am a full-time freelance writer who contributes to print magazines, online publications and broadcast segments. I hold Bachelor of Arts degrees in English and sociology from UC Irvine, and a Master of Arts in journalism from USC. I also spent a semester studying British literature at Cambridge University (Pembroke). Like Abigail, I know what it’s like to go through life as an only child with two deceased parents, a theme I have previously explored in Chicken Soup for the Soul.
I thank you for your time and consideration.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Ahrefs [Bot] and 9 guests