Query critique 8/6/20

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 8/6/20

Post by Nathan Bransford » August 3rd, 2020, 12:40 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.


Dear [Agent,]

In a land where necromancers are reviled and the dead feared, Lord Liu Jie keeps a secret. The spirits of his dead follow and talk to him. When his nephew, the Emperor, summons Jie to civil war, his survival seems impossible. If he's not killed in battle, his secret may force his men to kill him. Then the usurping Chancellor's attacks increase the number of ghosts. But the ghosts offer aid against the demon possessing the Chancellor. If Jie exorcises the demon, his people will kill him as a bone-dancing necromancer. If he doesn't, he and everyone he's fought to protect will be damned for eternity.

MOURN THEIR COURAGE IS a 100k-word tale based on popular Chinese folk stories. I describe the novel as a cross between “Red Cliffs” and “The Sixth Sense.” It will appeal to fans of Ken Liu, R.F. Kuang, and Guy Gavriel Kay.

I am a 2010 Sandy Writers Finalist and received Honorable Mention in the Writers of the Future contest. Publications include online magazines and Nature Futures. In addition to my research, I have traveled to China, learned some Mandarin and founded the online group, Authors of Asian Novels.

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