Query critique 9/22/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: New York, NY

Query critique 9/22/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » September 19th, 2022, 3:53 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Dear Sally Agent,

I saw on your MS Wishlist page that you’re looking for atmospheric, character-driven contemporary fantasy. I hope you’ll consider my adult speculative novel, DIVINED, complete at 101,800 words.

Chloe doesn’t like secrets, not since her own secret cost her one of the most important relationships in her life. All she wants now is a quiet life with Marcus, her best friend and roommate. But during a Christmas party, Chloe learns a new secret: she can see “echoes”—ghostly images that appear unexpectedly and expose other people’s secrets. Marcus, too, has acquired a power, visions that reveal the truth behind a person’s lie.

And they aren’t alone. As others empowered by The Divination reckon with their own abilities, Chloe and Marcus must confront the past they’ve long buried, which threatens to reveal things Chloe would rather stay hidden. She has to learn to control the echoes or risk losing the one person she has left.

DIVINED is a dark and propulsive multiple POV book for fans of Peng Shepherd’s The Book of M and Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House that explores the power of secrets, the blurred lines between truth and delusion, and the danger of pretending that what we don’t know can’t hurt us.

I have an MFA from the University of Akron. When I’m not writing, I work as a medical scientist and enjoy an active inner fantasy life.

Per your submission guidelines, please find below the first ten pages as a sample of my writing. I’m prepared to send the whole manuscript upon request.

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