Query critique 8/4/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 8/4/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » August 1st, 2022, 10:33 am

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

Dear [agent],

Limarion magic is a curse. The wards protect us. Your mother's dead because of you. These truths are central to Avinia's world, but when she is killed by her step-father and wakes as a Limarion on the wrong side of the wards, she must learn for herself what truths are worth fighting for. Worthy dying for.

At Avinia's side walks Kallan, a warrior who gave up his crown and stays to the shadows, protecting those he loves. Old magic flows through his bloodline and a call to keep Avinia safe sounds in his soul. But if he cannot control his own growing powers, he may prove to be more of a danger than a help in her quest.

Four hundred years ago, the Rivenire overthrew the old gods who terrorized the lands. When Avinia wakes in Rivenire, she finds herself the target of Erebos, an old god who seeks to reclaim his throne. Because of the old magic that courses through her veins, he needs her to regain his rule. Whether she lives or dies in the process matters little to him.

SWORD OF BONE is YA fantasy dual narrative at approximately 90,000 words that will be the first in a duology. The tension stemming from complicated relationships and high stakes will appeal to readers who enjoy the worldbuilding of Throne of Glass, the battles of The Red Queen, and the angst-ridden relationships of Shatter Me

When I am not writing, I am wrangling my four and three year old, reading, or teaching my 'big kids' in an eighth grade English classroom. SWORD OF BONE was written during mealtimes and after bedtime as the characters and story refused to be quiet, disregarding my love of sleep. It is my hope that it will immerse readers in the world of the Rivenire, keeping them up far past their bedtime as they escape into a world of magic, swords, and mischievous creatures who are always more than they seem.

Thank you so much for your time.

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