Query critique 1/13/22

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: New York, NY

Query critique 1/13/22

Post by Nathan Bransford » January 10th, 2022, 11:11 am

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

If you’re fed up with fake news, try the fictional kind.

Raised on a military base in Japan, 23-year-old TV news cameraman Tom Miller travels to America for the first time to flee a broken romance. Fluent in Japanese, he stumbles across a scoop about yakuza gangsters siphoning billions from San Francisco’s tourist industry. Tom gets teamed with Japanese American reporter Mark Mori, who knows little about Japan and resents the fresh-off-the-boat white kid for being both more American and more Japanese than Mark sees himself. Despite the rocky partnership, they begin to penetrate the exotic world of duty-free luxury goods and tattoo-covered thugs. Tom recruits his Japanese ex-girlfriend as an “undercover” tourist, hoping to win her back. But when she disappears, the spotlight shifts to the only suspect—Tom.

THE CLOSED CIRCLE is an 80,000-word crime novel loosely based on events I covered as a news and documentary producer during the Japanese tourist boom of the late 80s and early 90s. THE CLOSED CIRCLE is also the first of a proposed crime series featuring Tom and Mark, inspired by the most dramatic stories of my 37-year career, which garnered three Peabodys and 26 regional Emmy awards. I also worked with legendary newsman Don Hewitt to produce a San Francisco version of 60 Minutes.

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