Query critique 12/9/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Query critique 12/9/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » December 6th, 2021, 1:07 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Agent,

According to your agency's website, you are actively seeking middle-grade fiction, so I'm pleased to introduce my novel, Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy.

Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world their parents left behind. When a former Professor enters their store, turning their world upside down. Left with no options, their parents return to their former life, leading to their deaths at the hands of the Order of Night. A group that practices dark wizardry.

Trying their best to adapt, Kolin and Kaira now live with their Grandmother Eleanor Grey, a virtual stranger near the town of Greymorr. A place that chooses not to adopt modern ways. Greymorr and the villages around it would be as if one traveled back to the early nineteen hundreds.

Kolin and Kaira never fit in at their school in the city. For some reason, making friends was not easy, and unable to relate to their classmates. They now attend the same academy as their parents did. An academy that teaches more than your basic subjects, unless you count wand-making basic. They make two new friends, which they can relate to in Avery Stansberry and Walter Thornton.

Kolin and Kaira cannot sit idly by and start unraveling the trail that leads to their parent's actual killers with help from their friends. Bit by bit Kolin and Kaira learn more about their parent's magical past and why they kept it a secret.

Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy is complete at 78,000 words of Middle-grade fiction and available at your request. It would appeal to fans that miss the magic of Harry Potter.

I have two children middle-grade reader that inspired me to write my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration

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