Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?
Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.
I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.
If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.
Dear (Name of Agent),
I am seeking representation for my middle-grade fantasy-adventure with a climate theme: THE POLAR BEAR KING. It’s a story with heart and humor that will appeal to kids who love science, magic, adventure and animals, and I hope to you too.
Siblings Pan and Tari are swept into a mission: to save the Polar Bear King. Called upon by their friend and adventure partner, Jasper the invisible purple dog, they magically rocket to the Arctic. The King has set out to find new lands for his animal subjects as the changing climate threatens their way of life. They must find him and persuade him to return, before he drowns or the native hunters find him, and the kingdom loses its beloved leader.
Pan’s a skeptic. How could he help save the King? He can’t even make his parents proud of him. But his sister Tari leaps at every hurdle, sometimes rashly. She’s passionate about saving the animals. Pan thinks the Inuit need to help determine the outcome. Jasper wants to be a worthy mentor and earn his Wizard robe.
They confront escalating challenges. They find a magical muskox horn and call together a quirky animal team. They have to negotiate with the local fishermen but earn the friendship and help of the Inuit Captain’s son, a boy their age. Woven through the story are legends told by the Inuits and the animals that shed light on solving problems they face and using the mystical tools that come their way.
The book is planned as the first of a fantasy-adventure series for kids in the context of a changing climate. My expertise in those areas was enhanced by a decade as head of communications at (--), promoting kids programming that included addressing difficult issues in an entertaining way, and since then with a national environmental nonprofit (---) . I also serve as a volunteer with (---) on their national Forests and Climate Team.
The completed manuscript, 57,800 words, is available upon request. Thank you for considering it.
Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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