Query critique 2/25/21

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
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Nathan Bransford
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Joined: December 4th, 2009, 11:17 pm
Location: New York, NY

Query critique 2/25/21

Post by Nathan Bransford » February 22nd, 2021, 1:22 pm

Want to see how your editing approach compares to mine?

Below is the query up for critique on the blog on Thursday. Feel free to chime in with comments, create your own redline (please note the "font colour" button above the posting box, which looks like a drop of ink), and otherwise offer feedback. When offering your feedback, please please remember to be polite and constructive. In order to leave a comment you will need to register an account in the Forums, which should be self-explanatory.

I'll be back with my own post on the blog and we'll literally be able to compare notes.

If you'd like to enter a query for a future Query Critique, please do so here.

Dear Agent:

If you are familiar with THE STATIONERY SHOP, by Marjan Kamali, you may be interested in representing THE PROMISE which shares similar thematic elements.

In the late summer of 1961, a young German couple, Willie and Mina, are forced to live on opposite sides of the Berlin Wall. Willie finds himself trapped in East Berlin. With no resources at his disposal, he must find a way to remain undetected in order to escape and reunite with Mina who has been living with friends in the West. After months of careful planning and preparation, he makes his way through the sewer system to freedom, but not before being seriously wounded in a shootout with a pair of guards. Upon his recovery he asks for Mina and learns that, in his long absence, her fashion career has successfully launched and she is no longer living in Germany.

Willie promises to find Mina and begins his search with little information to guide him. His travels take him to the colorful fashion district of Paris where a chance encounter with an older gentleman, Pierre, holds the key to reuniting the young couple. But before Pierre can help, he must first come to terms with the demons from his own past that have estranged him from the people he loves.

THE PROMISE is upmarket fiction at 70,000 words. The story is inspired by my travels through Eastern Europe during the height of the Cold War and is a tribute to three generations of women in my family who are accomplished dressmakers.

I would be thrilled if you would consider THE PROMISE for representation. Thank you very much, and I hope to speak with you soon.

Andrew Stiller

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