NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Offer up your page (or query) for Nathan's critique on the blog.
Chris Qualls
Posts: 2
Joined: February 18th, 2011, 2:01 pm

Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Chris Qualls » October 18th, 2019, 6:19 pm

TITLE: Surfing On The Edge Of Creation
GENRE: Science Fiction
1st Page: 238 words.

The surfer, clad in a red metallic body mesh, guided his robotic surf board through the chum that rose with the big wave as it neared the beach. The lights on one side of the board flashed wildly as it altered its course, and the surfer crouched on the board. Suddenly from inside the wave a great white shark leapt for the surfer. In response, the surfer raised his left arm to avoid the shark while the board maneuvered under the wave’s crest to maximize the distance from the shark. A few of shark’s teeth contacted the material covering the surfer’s body and broke as they slid across his forearm, and in the same motion the surfer used his right hand to push up under the shark to create the appearance that he’d thrown it over his head. The surfer rode the wave into shore without further incidents, and the crowd cheered as he emerged from the surf.

Pulling back from the image on the beach club deck’s big screen in the twilight, the MC turned from the screen, looked out over the crowd, and said, “For that awesome show of keeping his cool as the king of predators missed him by inches, and for wowing us with some most excellent moves in avoiding becoming dinner, we give this year’s trophy to Athuhv Leander Chaska Clemens, the 2043 winner of the South African Open Extreme Shark Surfing Competition!”

Posts: 1
Joined: October 28th, 2019, 9:15 am

Re: NEW - Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Post by Texnow » November 16th, 2019, 11:59 am

by M. C. Rogers
Title: For Luck and Safe Passage
Genre; Early Middle Grade
First 250 words

I’ve never before talked about the summer my cousin, Henry Jack, and I set out to find the Treasure of Og. I supposed no one would believe such a fantastic story. Besides, I thought it was over. Finished. Now I’m not so sure.
There have been signs. I think you should be prepared.
I want you to know what I remember about that long-ago time. When I am finished you must decide what to believe.

It was shaping up to be an ordinary day in little Ermaline, Texas. I was 9, almost 10, passing the time finishing a chalk drawing on the sidewalk in front of the Yum Yum Cafe. My father owned the Yum Yum. He was finishing up inside. The lunch crowd had gone and so had Bean, the old cook. He’d be back before supper, but Tuttie, the Yum Yum’s only waitress, had gotten married and wasn’t coming back. There was a brand-new Help Wanted sign in the window.
A large dust cloud whirled down Main Street. It hadn’t rained in a long time and dust clouds were a common sight. But this one was different. It fell apart in front of the Yum Yum dumping dried leaves, bits of paper and a little woman onto the curb.

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