Critiques for Opening Pages of YA Supernatural

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Critiques for Opening Pages of YA Supernatural

Post by ajcattapan » January 8th, 2012, 11:39 am

I'm working on polishing the opening of my YA Supernatural for a contest, and I'm hoping to find a few people to critique the first 13 pages. I'd be willing to read pages from your manuscript in return.

Fair warning--this is for a Christian fiction contest, in case that kind of literature doesn't interest you.

Here's my synopsis so you know what you're getting into. :)

Seventeen-year-old Nanette Dunston has taken her own life, hoping to find the peaceful and pain-free existence she imagined heaven would bring. Instead, she finds herself trapped between periods of utter darkness and visions of a fourteen-year-old girl named Vera. Nanette has no idea why she's following Vera around her high school until she meets Warren, who explains that both he and Nanette are Guardian angels. In order for Nanette to pass from angelhood to sainthood, she must keep Vera from committing the same sin she did—taking her own life.

Unfortunately, Nanette is no Clarence Oddbody, angel second class. She’s bitter, she’s a teenager, and not only does she not have her wings yet, she has no tangible body or voice. In addition to seeing the tragedies in Vera’s life, Nanette remembers the horrors of her own: the failure of her parents’ marriage, the rejection slip from her dream college, and the fact she killed her best friend.

Frustrated by her inability to reach out to Vera and haunted by her old memories, Nanette wants to give up, but then she sees what happens when another Guardian at the high school surrenders. A Death Shadow enters the school cafeteria, finds the fallen angel, and with its thirteen tongues of flame swallows the fallen angel into the fiery pits of hell. If Nanette’s going to ever find peace in the afterlife, she’ll have to find a way to protect both herself and Vera from the Shadows.

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