Feedback needed on poem - 'Remember'

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Joined: November 1st, 2017, 10:14 pm

Feedback needed on poem - 'Remember'

Post by mb_eratosthenes » November 1st, 2017, 10:21 pm

I'm kinda new at this whole 'poem' thing. I don't usually write poems; I stick with my short stories and novels. But I'm trying to write poems. I'm not too great at it either, but I did my best. :? Feedback on the following would be GREATLY appreciated. :)

Remember, remember, remember
Remember the leaves dancing across the pavement like ballerinas
Remember the yellows, oranges, and reds being swept away with the wind
Remember the laughs and smiles of the carefree
Remember the many colors in many graceful arcs across the sky
Remember times of friendship and family and feeling accepted

But whatever you do, don’t remember the letdowns
Don’t remember the times nothing that you did was good enough
Don’t remember the darkness falling like a blinding sheet, followed by isolation
Don’t remember the self-loathing carried around like the weight of the world
Don’t remember when nobody cared of the inky blackness that enveloped everything
Don’t remember when the world turned to blackness and melancholy

Instead, remember the memories of a happier time
Marie Beth :)

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Location: IRELAND

Re: Feedback needed on poem - 'Remember'

Post by J. T. SHEA » November 4th, 2017, 12:39 am

Hello and welcome, Marie Beth. I claim no particular expertise regarding poetry, but none is required to enjoy a poem, and I enjoyed yours, its images and rhythm and strong simple message. Modesty is fine, but I wouldn't apologize for your writing.

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Joined: March 14th, 2020, 4:35 pm

Re: Feedback needed on poem - 'Remember'

Post by BCdeb » March 14th, 2020, 4:42 pm

I loved your poem. I suffer from depression and I love the do's and don'ts. Remember is a powerful word. Good job.

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