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HELP!!! ...Ah well - too late

Posted: February 29th, 2012, 10:40 am
by Hillsy
Hi guys.

My friend has just alerted me at the 11th hour of a competition for unagented authors (The "Dundee Book Prize" if anyone else is interested). However, the entry requires a 500 word synopsis and, despite being from England where a synopsis rather thana query is the norm, I only have a polished Query letter to work with. Or did have, until 10 mins ago.

So I've quiclky drafted a synopsis and am after some feedback (I did have a deadline of midday, 1st march - but thats gone now)

The world is a wasteland. Civilisation has fractured into a loose network of isolated city-states. A number have gone rogue, withdrawing from the network and treating the passive Cities as just another resource. These Gangs and the Cities are locked in a war of petty skirmishes, neither side able to break the stalemate.

With a reputation for insolence, and still months away from completing his training, Layne is just one of thousands of symbionts in Trachedae’s military facility, the Garrison. His link with Shyla, a being of pure energy from another plane of existence, gives him access to the raw, terrifying power needed to protect the City of Trachedae from the Gangs. For symbionts, enrolment in the Garrison is mandatory, something Layne has never been comfortable with.

When a Gang launches an audacious assault on the Garrison itself Layne barely survives and is surprised when his superiors accept his intention to investigate the attack personally. Another strike just days after the first, a more commonplace ambush on a convoy travelling between Cities, causes Layne to suspect treachery within the Garrison High Command. But someone has already arranged for Layne to fill the role of traitor himself.

Framed and without proof of his innocence, Layne and Shyla must flee Trachedae. But there’s only one place they can run to – The Gangs.

Layne bluffs his way into the Gang Fortress and starts working the door at a high-class brothel as cover while searching for a way to clear his name. With growing understanding and respect for the brothel’s Madame, Lady Jenivere, comes the realisation the Gangs aren’t wholly evil, and the actions necessary to clear his name are feeling more like torture and murder than ‘interrogation’ and ‘execution’.

When Lady Jenivere informs Layne one of her clients may know of Trachedeans captured in the convoy ambush and where they are held, Layne sees his first ray of hope. But a mistake in extracting the information blows his cover.

Layne is hunted down by a man he knows well from the Garrison, Colonel Heth, who has betrayed Trachedae despite claiming to be working on their behalf. Layne doesn’t go quietly and is left for dead, but escapes before he can be disposed of.

With time running out, Layne finds and frees the captured Trachedeans, only to learn Heth has given the Gangs a weapon, one that uses the very fabric of Shyla’s home plane. It’s Heth’s hope that in using the weapon on Trachedae Shyla’s plane will be destroyed, denying both Cities and Gangs the power it provides.

Layne has no choice but to give chase, catching the Gang army just as it begins the destruction of Trachedae. In desperation Layne turns the awesome power of the weapon on the Gang army, damaging but not destroying Shyla’s plane and all but forfeiting his life in the process.

He survives, but with the conflict unabated and his experiences in the Gang Fortress painfully fresh, his belief in his own altruism has been fatally wounded.

Any feedback welcome

Cheers guys!

Re: HELP!!! 22 hours and counting....

Posted: February 29th, 2012, 10:52 am
by melanieconklin
just so you all know, this is one of the rules from the competition:
"Novels for children or young adults will not be accepted."

yours is not YA, is it?

Re: HELP!!! 22 hours and counting....

Posted: February 29th, 2012, 11:02 am
by Hillsy
Thankfully no - Don't think the Brothel part would be all that productive with a YA