Novel Idea feedback

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khanes
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Novel Idea feedback

Post by khanes » October 9th, 2010, 2:53 pm

So, I wrote a quick blurb of a novel I'm considering writing. The problem? I keep waffling back and forth on my idea. At one point, I love it, then I hate it, then I wonder if I need to raise the stakes, then I wonder if I should write from both female and male viewpoints (which I've never done. My last novel was in 1st person). I want this to be a light romantic comedy type book, but my previous book had a more lyrical, heavy feel. I'm afraid I won't be able to pull off the comedy. What do you think of this basic premise? Are the characters too nutso? Would LOVE your feedback!!

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There’s a triple-dosage of “wrong” in Elizabeth Anderson’s life. Her parents are divorcing, her nanny job is unbearable, and she’s had nothing but bad luck on Match.com. It doesn’t help that she quotes “Star Trek” all the time and has an unusual fascination with mustaches. Elizabeth’s ready to give up on love when she spots a “for sale” sign on an empty pub in Portland’s industrial district, and with a loan from her guilt-ridden father, decides to start her own brewery as a way to find a husband. Men like beer, right? Good thing best friend Christina Velasquez is along for the ride - she’s agreed to help manage the place.

The two embark on the tough job of opening a brewery – inventing recipes for the best beers, experimenting on brewing through trial and error, and finally, opening a pub called “Hoppily Ever After.” Men stream in, but still, Elizabeth can’t quell her bad dating luck. Until Richard shows up. And stays.

Richard is a former member of the British guard, and a beer aficionado/sci-fi geek. It seems Elizabeth has met her match. The problem? He’s twelve years older, and Elizabeth doesn’t do “old.” But there’s just something about Richard that Elizabeth can’t ignore – maybe its his penchant for going on “sprees” (lunch at The Spaghetti Factory seven days in a row, listening to John Denver for five, watching the Sound of Music three day straight), or the irresistible way he describes his moods as types of beer. Despite her efforts to keep Richard at bay, Elizabeth finds herself more and more attracted to him.

But then the economy slumps, Elizabeth’s pub goes downhill, and her parents divorce proceedings take a turn for the worse. Elizabeth’s afraid she might lose the bar, and her parents' failed marriage has dashed her hopes of "happily ever after." But Richard is still there, buying beer, sitting at the bar. Can he convince Elizabeth to fall in love? And together, can the two save "Hoppily Ever After?"

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polymath
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Re: Novel Idea feedback

Post by polymath » October 9th, 2010, 5:46 pm

The conflict of romance genre is set forth, acceptance or rejection, which are also what's at stake. Elizabeth's purpose is clear, finding a husband, and using the brew pub as a man trap. The main suspense question is also set forth and conventional for romance, will they or won't they get together? What's not so clear is the main dramatic complication, and perhaps its magnitude. Elizabeth has several minor complications, she's quirky, is attracted to quirky, starting the brew pub and keeping it afloat in tough economic times, parents' marital complications. I don't see a high magnitude complication that particularly stands out for a novel length narrative.

Antagonism's two opposite identities are purpose and complication. Since Elizabeth's two main purposes are owning and operating a brew pub and finding a worthy husband, obstacles to both are the credible, natural sources of complication.

There's two basic main dramatic complications for most if not all literature, a stranger or strange force comes to town, or a native leaves home for a strange destination, polar opposites but parallels of each other. The stranger came from somewhere, and the native is a stranger away from home. Elizabeth is a native entering a strange enterprise with friend Christina. Richard is an exotic stranger come to town.

In order to establish and build doubt of outcome, increasing complication(s) must oppose Elizabeth's purpose(s). Christina poses potential to be an added complication, rivalry for Richard's affection, disagreement over business decisions, Christina having her own dreams, purposes, and desires separate and different from Elizabeth's. She's along for accomplishing Elizabeth's dream, discovers her own, and difficulty ensues, perhaps realizing a brew pub dream is a grownups' substitute for a candy store. Because Richard becomes Elizabeth's love interest he too must pose complications for Elizabeth to discover and in doing so discover herself; therefore, she too must pose complications opposing her purpose. But the one main dramatic complication ought to in my opinion rest in Elizabeth herself.

Without putting too much emphasis on it, Elizabeth's reluctance to date older men suggests an anti-daddy approval issue. Like, she wants daddy approval, but resists any hint of seeking it and in resisting nonconsciously seeks daddy's approval through other men platonically, like from Richard. I don't know that that's particularly a high magnitude complication either.

Whatever, I feel the main complication ought to be unraveling a personal identity crisis and/or a crisis of conscience perhaps related to fairy tale dreams of living happily ever after, growing up and finding out there's no such thing kind of an outcome, there's just new complications tomorrow to be navigated. First Corinithians 13:11, modern translation: "When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. When I grew up, I put away childish things." Suggested reading Wikipedia: Puer Aeternus, eternal child, or the feminine presentation Puella Aeterna. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus

Elizabeth finds she must take Prince Charmings as they are, croaks, warts, and all. And discovers her own warts, crooked nose, and cynical, haggard laugh.

The five stages of grief (grieving for lost childhood) seem ideally suited for chronological ordering of the unfolding romance and journey of self-discovery. Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Let's see, Richard's twelve years older. Using the socially acceptable age disparity formula, half older person's age plus seven, that would make Elizabeth's age about in her early to middle twenties and his in the young to middle thirties. Otherwise, the couple are more likely than not to fall out of favor in society and with each other.
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Re: Novel Idea feedback

Post by khanes » October 9th, 2010, 8:35 pm

Polymath, thank you so much for the observations. I think I need to amp up the conflict in the story, or you're right, there's not enough going on for a novel-sized work. I'm realizing after my first book that its good to give the second lots of plot - along the lines of conflict and characters before beginning. So, I may need to think of some more hurdles to throw into the path of Elizabeth, Christina and Richard!

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Re: Novel Idea feedback

Post by polymath » October 9th, 2010, 9:58 pm

What's occurred to me since I responded is since it's a love story, love of beer, brewery public houses, and potentially Richard, getting all that introduced in an opening and a introducing a main complication means tying it all together. It also raises the question of when to start the timeline. One big complication I see right away is the proverbial end of the business optimism honeymoon pursuing a dream invariably causes.

That's a potential source of humor. I don't know a first time small business person who didn't have a rude awakening in the early stages of the game, pressed on because they'd already committed life savings to their dream, made it or failed and wished regardless they'd never gotten into it. The majority of small businesses fail because they failed to plan, planned to fail. Kind of an ignorance is bliss humor, turning into woe is me and finding it funny if I knew then what I know now in the midst of the complexity of it all and the hidden traps waiting for the unwary, and winning through on sheer determination regardless. Farley Mowat has that kind of cynical humor in his The Boat Who Wouldn't Float nonfiction novel.

I've been around brew pubs and food and beverage operations for a good portion of my life, constructing, working, serving, dining, partying, etc. The interpersonal dynamics are a microcosm of everyday life anywhere.

What I see for an opening bridging complication is Elizabeth and Christina having problems with the beer making process prior to opening and asking or finding help and Richard enters the scene to provide advice. Process problems are a common, credible complication for opening a brew pub. Say he worked in a family operated pub at home before enlisting in the military and he hones right in on the problem.

His first appearance in a romance prepositions him for later on without needing to put him immediately into love interest position. Readers can bridge that gap as the novel unfolds. His mere presence is at first sufficient for creating sexual tension, the main convention of romance novels. Once he's introduced, he can grow on Elizabeth while they work together with Christina to open. And then she can thank him for his invaluable assistance and he becomes a regular customer or regular employee. Putting him at a distance by demoting his importance to her. But then realizes she misses him. I'd be concerned about knowing his residency status, resident alien, work visa, tourist visa, student visa, etc.

A common problem brew pubs have is bacterial contamination during fermentation. It's all but impossible to keep bacteria out, but it can be controlled by preventing air from circulating in the fermenters. A fermentation lock is the insider secret for keeping oxygen off the fermenting beer. Bacteria contaminated beer isn't unsafe for human consumption but it has an unpleasant vinegary taste. Another common problem is staling from oxygen exposure post fermentation, which has an unpleasant silage taste like mown straw left on the ground for a couple days. Another is cloudy pilsners and lagers from inefficient filtering or improper lagering, settling, and decanting. Ales don't need to be clear, the darker the beer the less clarity it needs.

Other complications to opening, every local, municipal, state, and federal agency involved has a mountain of red tape and fees and time consuming waiting on approvals to make and sell on-premises and/or off-premises and/or to-go beer and monthly, quarterly, and annual reports and tax and fee filing requirements. Suggested reading: Oregon Liquor Control Commission, License Information, Privilege Tax, Server license, etc. Apparently, Oregon has eighty brew pubs in operation as of July 2010.
http://www.oregon.gov/OLCC/index.shtml

A turnkey brew pub startup would cost on the order of a minimum $100,000 including meeting government requirements, though $250,000 is more typical, the bulk of which can be amortized over a five or ten-year financing period.

Competitors have a nasty tendency to oppose new entries into their niches. Some go the legal opposition routes, some go the more clandestine and illicit routes. Sabotage, poaching staff, bad mouthing competitors' practices, products, lifestyles, etc., vandalism, and interference with suppliers and distributors and customer base and outright corruption of public officials.

Anyway, I could paint a thousand scenarios from personal experience, but that would impose my creative vision on yours. Though I'm open for questions and advices as you go along.
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Re: Novel Idea feedback

Post by polymath » October 10th, 2010, 5:39 pm

For khanes and anyone who wants a crash course in beermaking, John Palmer's comprehensive book How to Brew is freely available online at http://www.realbeer.com/jjpalmer/sitemap.html

Everything from kitchen table extract homebrewing to kettle craft brewing with grains to the science of zymurgy (fermentation) as concerns beermaking. A brew pub's bible, everything according to Hoyle.
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Re: Novel Idea feedback

Post by TigerGray » October 12th, 2010, 12:41 am

khanes wrote:So, I wrote a quick blurb of a novel I'm considering writing. The problem? I keep waffling back and forth on my idea. At one point, I love it, then I hate it, then I wonder if I need to raise the stakes, then I wonder if I should write from both female and male viewpoints (which I've never done. My last novel was in 1st person). I want this to be a light romantic comedy type book, but my previous book had a more lyrical, heavy feel. I'm afraid I won't be able to pull off the comedy. What do you think of this basic premise? Are the characters too nutso? Would LOVE your feedback!!

----------------------------------------------

There’s a triple-dosage makes me think of coffee, not beer of “wrong” in Elizabeth Anderson’s life. Her parents are divorcing, her nanny job is unbearable, and she’s had nothing but bad luck on Match.com. It doesn’t help that she quotes “Star Trek” all the time and has an unusual fascination with mustaches. this is debatable. to me it's too cute, means nothing, and makes me hate her, because she sounds like a collection of barely related free floating traits Elizabeth’s ready to give up on love when she spots a “for sale” sign on an empty pubIt does not follow for me why a pub would be the answer to her love troubles, so perhaps put her logic about men and beer--which also makes me dislike her--at the start of the sentence in Portland’s industrial district, and with a loan from her guilt-ridden father,does the fact that he's guilt ridden matter in the context of a query? decides to start her own brewery as a way to find a husband. Men like beer, right? Good thing best friend Christina Velasquez is along for the ride - she’s agreed to help manage the place. It seems like the query doesn't need Christina at all

The two embark on the tough job of opening a brewery – inventing recipes for the best beers, experimenting on brewing through trial and error, and finally, opening a pub called “Hoppily Ever After.” you don't need the stuff about learning how. that's a given if they're opening a brewery, unless them screwing up the process is a plot pointMen stream in, but still, Elizabeth can’t quell her bad dating luck. Until Richard shows up. And stays.and stays, can probably go

Richard is a former member of the British guard, and a beer aficionado/sci-fi geek. It seems Elizabeth has met her match. The problem? He’s twelve years older, and Elizabeth doesn’t do “old.” I think this one is just me but this doesn't strike me as a big age difference. Also since when is Elizabeth so damned picky? I thought she was unlucky in love and was desperate enough to risk all her money on a hair brained scheme to find someone?But there’s just something about Richard that Elizabeth can’t ignore – maybe its his penchant for going on “sprees” (lunch at The Spaghetti Factory seven days in a row, listening to John Denver for five, watching the Sound of Music three day straight), or the irresistible way he describes his moods as types of beer. Despite her efforts to keep Richard at bay, Elizabeth finds herself more and more attracted to him. this is intended as humorous, I think? I hope so because otherwise I now hate them both. If played for laughs, though, you've got something

But then the economy slumps, Elizabeth’s pub goes downhill, and her parents divorce proceedings take a turn for the worse. Elizabeth’s afraid she might lose the bar, and her parents' failed marriage has dashed her hopes of "happily ever after." But Richard is still there, buying beer, sitting at the bar. Can he convince Elizabeth to fall in love? And together, can the two save "Hoppily Ever After?" I was with you on the humor thing but this last paragraph takes it from quirky romance to srs bzness and to me it feels jarring
"Who knows themselves better than the blind?' - for every thought becomes a tool." --Luis Borges

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