Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

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clara_w
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Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by clara_w » September 20th, 2010, 4:41 am

Hi everyone,

Just on a very important note: English isn't my native language, so, there are some obvious mistakes here but I will correct them on further versions (this is a rough draft grammar wise, but almost final plot wise).

As always, your help is extremely valuable!

Thank you so much!

*********

JADE KADEEM is a young Egyptian wind tamer who can’t control her abilities.
When she witnesses the brutal murder of her father by humans who can’t manage the elements, she creates a monster hurricane that almost consumes her. Not something any tamer can do, let alone a six year old.

Six years later, she leads a happy life in Kaze, the Air Nation, but still lives in fear of the day when her powers could take over and destroy everything she loves.
Sadly, that’s not the only aspect she should fear about herself.
Even though her father managed to kill all his murderers, Jade still feels like taking it out on all non-tamers, ‘those dirty, gun-carrying fools.’

When a legendary four element tamer called MATSUO RAROCHI comes to Kaze, Jade knows her worries have come to an end. In his strict but caring manner, he will train her to control the wind, and hopefully, her hatred towards the kind that murdered her father.

Jade meets nine disciples also under Matsuo’s guidance.
One of them is LIAN MEILING, a water tamer with extraordinary powers who has a similar past: Non-tamers also killed her parents, and as a result, Lian created a set of Tsunamis which almost destroyed the Water Nation.
Unlike Jade, Lian has her powers and emotions under control, even though her parents’ assassins are still alive.

The girls bond quicker then a lightning bolt. Lian soon becomes Jade’s role model, and Jade is certain that if she manages to be just like her, the future couldn’t look brighter.

However, the Shadow Man is watching and plotting from the darkness. He planned the murders of their parents to incite their hatred towards non-tamers, whom he plans to annihilate.
He sends two of his minions to talk the girls into joining him. As Jade faces the biggest choice of her life, tormenting emotions take over her, leading her to create a hurricane worse than any before; an uncontrolled Titan who wants to swipe the Air Nation from existence.

With Lian’s help, Jade controls her powers for the first time, and the fate of Kaze is safe. Jade is surprised that her craving for vengeance isn’t greater then her wish to be good. But Lian starts questioning herself. Like cracks over a thin glass, confusion spreads through her, and the anger over her parents’ deaths starts to consume her every thought.

When Matsuo’s disciples find a group that belongs to the Shadow Man’s initiative, they also come across a battle they can’t avoid.
The groups clash in a violent fight at the King’s Castle.

Lian knows Matsuo would never allow her to kill the non-tamers who shot her parents, so she breaks away to the Shadow Man’s side, knowing she will have to take care of him when she’s ready. But he imposes one condition for Lian to join his forces: Kill Jade.

The girls fight in a fierce battle and just when Lian has the perfect opportunity to kill Jade, she flees. Still, The Shadow Man sees use in her, and she joins him.

Jade knows that Lian is a good person, and won’t give up on her. She swears she will bring her friend back to her senses, even if it’s the last thing she does.
Last edited by clara_w on September 24th, 2010, 3:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

notw
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by notw » September 20th, 2010, 9:50 am

I like your synopsis. There were only two things that struck me.

1: "He sends two of his minions to talk the girls into joining him, and as a result, Jade creates a hurricane worse then any before, an uncontrolled Titan who is going to swipe the Air Nation from the face of the earth." Why does this cause Jade to create a hurricane?

2: "In an epic fight at the King’s Castle, the two groups will clash violently." You may want to describe why the fight is epic instead of saying it. Just my own personal thought there. :)

All in all I thought you had a good synopsis and sounds like an interesting story. I must say this was probably my favorite line "Like cracks over a thin glass, confusion spreads through her as she realizes she didn’t have her hate under control." Good luck!

clara_w
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by clara_w » September 20th, 2010, 11:16 am

Thank you so much notw =)

thewhipslip
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by thewhipslip » September 28th, 2010, 3:22 pm

This sounds like a really interesting book. I think you need to up Lian's motives for wanting to kill the Shadow Man. How does she go to being calm to catatonic? I'm not feeling the motive there. Give some specifics on the Shadow Man's visitors. That might help.
http://elenasolodow.blogspot.com/ - Submit your 250-500 word excerpt to be read out loud in a vlog post!

clara_w
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by clara_w » October 1st, 2010, 11:10 am

Thanks so much Whipslip!

Actually, Lian wants revenge ont he shadow man because he planned her parents murders as well. But her first goal is to kill the Masha that shot them, and only the shadow man knows where they are. Therefore, she joins him, but will 'take care' of him when she's ready.

Ill try to let that more explicit! =)

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arbraun
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by arbraun » October 2nd, 2010, 6:54 pm

clara_w wrote:JADE KADEEM is a young Egyptian wind tamer who can’t control her abilities.
When she witnesses the brutal murder of her father by humans who can’t manage the elements, she creates a monster hurricane that almost consumes her. Not something any tamer can do, let alone a six year old. Good opening. Caught my attention. Looks like you've got an extra space in the last sentence.

Six years later, she leads a happy life in Kaze, the Air Nation, but still lives in fear of the day when her powers could take over and destroy everything she loves.
Sadly, that’s not the only aspect she should fear about herself.
Even though her father managed to kill all his murderers, Jade still feels like taking it out on all non-tamers, ‘those dirty, gun-carrying fools.’

When a legendary four element tamer called MATSUO RAROCHI comes to Kaze, Jade knows her worries have come to an end. In his strict but caring manner, he will train her to control the wind, and hopefully, her hatred towards the kind that murdered her father.

Jade meets nine disciples also under Matsuo’s guidance.
One of them is LIAN MEILING, a water tamer with extraordinary powers who has a similar past: Non-tamers also killed her parents, and as a result, Lian created a set of Tsunamis which almost destroyed the Water Nation.
Unlike Jade, Lian has her powers and emotions under control, even though her parents’ assassins are still alive.

The girls bond quicker then a lightning bolt. Lian soon becomes Jade’s role model, and Jade is certain that if she manages to be just like her, the future couldn’t look brighter.

However, the Shadow Man is watching and plotting from the darkness. He planned the murders of their parents to incite their hatred towards non-tamers, whom he plans to annihilate.
He sends two of his minions to talk the girls into joining him. As Jade faces the biggest choice of her life, tormenting emotions take over her, leading her to create a hurricane worse than any before; an uncontrolled Titan who wants to swipe the Air Nation from existence. This is good buildup here, and your grammar seems fine so far.

With Lian’s help, Jade controls her powers for the first time, and the fate of Kaze is safe. Jade is surprised that her craving for vengeance isn’t greater then her wish to be good. But Lian starts questioning herself. Like cracks over a thin glass, confusion spreads through her, and the anger over her parents’ deaths starts to consume her every thought.

When Matsuo’s disciples find a group that belongs to the Shadow Man’s initiative, they also come across a battle they can’t avoid.
The groups clash in a violent fight at the King’s Castle.

Lian knows Matsuo would never allow her to kill the non-tamers who shot her parents, so she breaks away to the Shadow Man’s side, knowing she will have to take care of him when she’s ready. But he imposes one condition for Lian to join his forces: Kill Jade. Good conflict here.

The girls fight in a fierce battle and just when Lian has the perfect opportunity to kill Jade, she flees. Still, The Shadow Man sees use in her, and she joins him. What kind of battle? A wind battle? I'd be specific.

Jade knows that Lian is a good person, and won’t give up on her. She swears she will bring her friend back to her senses, even if it’s the last thing she does.
Good ending.

I didn't see a lot of problems. The synopsis was a bit short, but that may be what certain agents want. Good job.

clara_w
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by clara_w » October 3rd, 2010, 4:23 pm

Thanks arbraun!

Wohoo, Im happy this looks good, you guys help me so much! You all ROCK! A LOT!
But please, if theres antything that doesnt sound good, or that can be improved, do tell =)

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arbraun
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Re: Synopsis: Jade's Hurricane

Post by arbraun » October 4th, 2010, 12:21 pm

You're very welcome!

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