Synopsis-Forsaken

Ugh. You got stuck writing a synopsis. Help is on the way.
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notw
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Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by notw » September 19th, 2010, 6:12 pm

Thanks in advance for the advice :)

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood, but instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield to find family friends, Dermot and Tilly. Carrying a few meager items and a salvaged letter her mother had written, hoping for answers, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past.

When a stranger, comes snooping around Litchfield asking about Anna’s family, she begins to reevaluate their death and seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. Eldred directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will be able to find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finding answers about her parent’s past.

As she sets out for Ilian, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who, after rifling through her belongings, discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, a hooded stranger named Tormod comes to her rescue, freeing her from the brigands. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy that has been foretold depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since taking the throne from the former king and murdering the group trying to protect the history. This group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy.

Finally arriving in the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn, the woman to whom her mother had written to years ago. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother who already has an unfavorable view of her. The only thing that brightens her day is the sporadic visits from Tormod and the flutter of emotions she has whenever he is near. While living with her grandparents, Anna is introduced to a new lifestyle: the world of the rich. Anna spends most of her time learning the etiquette of a proper lady, at her grandmother’s insistence, while her spare chances of freedom are filled with Tormod or down in the market perusing the vendor’s merchandise.

On one of her trips to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. Soon after their encounter, Anna’s grandfather is invited to the castle for a meeting. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.
Anna spends a month at the castle for the winter festival where Vordigern introduces her to Lynaye, who also turns out to be a friend of Tormod. Lynaye shares with Anna how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, Anna accompanies Vordigern for a walk but their time is disrupted by an assassin’s dagger. Before Anna has the opportunity to give Vordigern a warning, her world goes black. Regaining consciousness, she comes face to face with the attacker: a man named Den. Den relays a message to her for the king, threatening him that the brigands will not tolerate being betrayed. Before Den has a chance to do anything else, Tormod appears and within a matter of seconds, it becomes apparent that these two men have already met.

Several days after Den’s attempt on Vordigern’s life, he is caught trying to sneak out of the city and the people of Ilian congregate in the courtyard to watch the execution of the assassin Den. Just as the executioner lines up the perfect blow, a commotion occurs among the crowd. Before the guards have a chance to respond, Den has vanished. The executioner lay in his own pool of blood as an arrow protrudes from his neck. Segreth, enraged at being thwarted of revenge, chooses this moment to declare war on the brigands.

As the king continues to strategize his first move, Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. This question forces a torrent of emotions to bombard her all at once. On the one hand if she doesn’t accept his offer, Anna will be following in the footsteps of her mother and be thrown out of her grandparent’s house with nowhere else to live. But if she follows her grandparent’s desire, it would mean giving up her chance at a normal life. Reluctantly, Anna accepts his marriage proposal.
After Vordigern leaves to tell his father of the good news, Anna is kidnapped by none other than Den and a few of his men who plan on using her as collateral to gain an upper hand in case the king tries to turn on them again.

Anna spends a month as a hostage in the brigand encampment before being rescued once again by none other than Tormod. Just as they are about to escape, a confrontation occurs between her captor Den and Tormod. During their argument, Anna’s world once again shatters as she finds out Den is actually her brother. Before they have a chance to talk, Anna is forced to leave.
J
ust as they make it out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow and slides off the horse to buy Anna more time. Before letting her ride off, he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by clara_w » September 20th, 2010, 4:54 am

notw wrote:Thanks in advance for the advice :)

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood, but instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield to find family friends, Dermot and Tilly. Carrying a few meager items and a salvaged letter her mother had written, hoping for answers, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past.
Very good first paragraph here

When a stranger, comes snooping around Litchfield asking about Anna’s family, she begins to reevaluate their death and seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. Eldred directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will be able to find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finding answers about her parent’s past.

As she sets out for Ilian, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who, after rifling through her belongings, discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, a hooded stranger named Tormod comes to her rescue, freeing her from the brigands. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy that has been foretold depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since taking the throne from the former king and murdering the group trying to protect the history. This group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy.I would specify here that her parents were part of the forsaken

Finally arriving in the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn, the woman to whom her mother had written to years ago. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother who already has an unfavorable view of her.Why? Most grandmas would love to find their only surviving granddaughter. The only thing that brightens her day is the sporadic visits from Tormod and the flutter of emotions she has whenever he is near. While living with her grandparents, Anna is introduced to a new lifestyle: the world of the rich. Anna spends most of her time learning the etiquette of a proper lady, at her grandmother’s insistence, while her spare chances of freedom are filled with Tormod or down in the market perusing the vendor’s merchandise.

On one of her trips to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. Soon after their encounter, Anna’s grandfather is invited to the castle for a meeting. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.
Anna spends a month at the castle for the winter festival where Vordigern introduces her to Lynaye, who also turns out to be a friend of Tormod. Lynaye shares with Anna how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, Anna accompanies Vordigern for a walk but their time is disrupted by an assassin’s dagger. Before Anna has the opportunity to give Vordigern a warning, her world goes black. Regaining consciousness, she comes face to face with the attacker: a man named Den. Den relays a message to her for the king, threatening him that the brigands will not tolerate being betrayed. Before Den has a chance to do anything else, Tormod appears and within a matter of seconds, it becomes apparent that these two men have already met.I know every character is important, but I'd consider dminishing the number of characters in your synopsis. I felt a tad confused by this paragraph.

Several days after Den’s attempt on Vordigern’s life, he is caught trying to sneak out of the city and the people of Ilian congregate in the courtyard to watch the execution of the assassin Den. Just as the executioner lines up the perfect blow, a commotion occurs among the crowd. Before the guards have a chance to respond, Den has vanished. The executioner lay in his own pool of blood as an arrow protrudes from his neck. Segreth, enraged at being thwarted of revenge, chooses this moment to declare war on the brigands.

As the king continues to strategize his first move, Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. This question forces a torrent of emotions to bombard her all at once. On the one hand if she doesn’t accept his offer, Anna will be following in the footsteps of her mother and be thrown out of her grandparent’s house with nowhere else to live. But if she follows her grandparent’s desire, it would mean giving up her chance at a normal life. Reluctantly, Anna accepts his marriage proposal.
After Vordigern leaves to tell his father of the good news, Anna is kidnapped by none other than Den and a few of his men who plan on using her as collateral to gain an upper hand in case the king tries to turn on them again.

Anna spends a month as a hostage in the brigand encampment before being rescued once again by none other than Tormod. Just as they are about to escape, a confrontation occurs between her captor Den and Tormod. During their argument, Anna’s world once again shatters as she finds out Den is actually her brother. Before they have a chance to talk, Anna is forced to leave.
J
ust as they make it out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow and slides off the horse to buy Anna more time. How him being struck by an arrow and slidding down the horse will buy her more time? I'd consider cutting this and replacing: he si struck by an arrow and as he sees his impending death....Before letting her ride off, he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.
I like the story. But there are a lot of subplots in here, and I found that, personally, a bit confusing. I would stick to the most important characters and subplots. I wouldnt mention her grandmothers name, I really dont see it as necessary, for example. Perhaps the two first paragraphs were good but they could be shorter in order to give space to the main plot that follows. Its a lot of things going on, really fast, I felt there was not a lot of time to 'digest'. But really, it seems you have a very, very good story here. Good luck!

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by notw » September 20th, 2010, 9:01 am

Clara,

Thanks for the advice.I knew it was running long just wasn't sure what exactly to cut.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by thewhipslip » September 28th, 2010, 3:29 pm

notw wrote:Thanks in advance for the advice :)

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood, but instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield to find family friends, Dermot and Tilly. Carrying a few meager items and a salvaged letter her mother had written, hoping for answers, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities Where does she probe? I think you can be specific here, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past.

When a stranger, comes snooping around Litchfield asking about Anna’s family, she begins to reevaluate their death When did she stop evaluating it? I thought she was looking for answers?and seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred Why didn't she do that before?. Eldred directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will be able to find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored Why didn't Anna go to this woman before?. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finding answers about her parent’s past.

As she sets out for Ilian, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who, after rifling through her belongings, discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, a hooded stranger named Tormod comes to her rescue, freeing her from the brigands. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy that has been foretold depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since taking the throne from the former king and murdering the group trying to protect the history. This group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy.

Finally arriving in the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn, the woman to whom her mother had written to years ago. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother who already has an unfavorable view of herWhy is she forced to stay there if she had another home?. The only thing that brightens her day is the sporadic visits from Tormod and the flutter of emotions she has whenever he is near. While living with her grandparents, Anna is introduced to a new lifestyle: the world of the rich. Anna spends most of her time learning the etiquette of a proper lady, at her grandmother’s insistence, while her spare chances of freedom are filled with Tormod or down in the market perusing the vendor’s merchandise.Do you need the beginning part in Litchfield at all? It seems a bulk of the story is involved with her life in Ilian.

On one of her trips to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. Soon after their encounter, Anna’s grandfather is invited to the castle for a meeting. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.
Anna spends a month at the castle for the winter festival where Vordigern introduces her to Lynaye, who also turns out to be a friend of Tormod. Lynaye shares with Anna how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, Anna accompanies Vordigern for a walk but their time is disrupted by an assassin’s dagger. Before Anna has the opportunity to give Vordigern a warning, her world goes black. Regaining consciousness, she comes face to face with the attacker: a man named Den. Den relays a message to her for the king, threatening him that the brigands will not tolerate being betrayed. Before Den has a chance to do anything else, Tormod appears and within a matter of seconds, it becomes apparent that these two men have already met.

Several days after Den’s attempt on Vordigern’s life, he is caught trying to sneak out of the city and the people of Ilian congregate in the courtyard to watch the execution of the assassin Den. Just as the executioner lines up the perfect blow, a commotion occurs among the crowd. Before the guards have a chance to respond, Den has vanished. The executioner lay in his own pool of blood as an arrow protrudes from his neck. Segreth, enraged at being thwarted of revenge, chooses this moment to declare war on the brigands.

As the king continues to strategize his first move, Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. This question forces a torrent of emotions to bombard her all at once. On the one hand if she doesn’t accept his offer, Anna will be following in the footsteps of her mother and be thrown out of her grandparent’s house with nowhere else to live. But if she follows her grandparent’s desire, it would mean giving up her chance at a normal life. Reluctantly, Anna accepts his marriage proposal.
After Vordigern leaves to tell his father of the good news, Anna is kidnapped by none other than Den and a few of his men who plan on using her as collateral to gain an upper hand in case the king tries to turn on them again.

Anna spends a month as a hostage in the brigand encampment before being rescued once again by none other than Tormod. Just as they are about to escape, a confrontation occurs between her captor Den and Tormod. During their argument, Anna’s world once again shatters as she finds out Den is actually her brother. Before they have a chance to talk, Anna is forced to leave.

Just as they make it out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow and slides off the horse to buy Anna more time. Before letting her ride off, he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.
Where's the ending? Synopses are supposed to be the entire plot.
http://elenasolodow.blogspot.com/ - Submit your 250-500 word excerpt to be read out loud in a vlog post!

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by notw » September 29th, 2010, 3:45 pm

Thanks for the comments whip. This synopsis is my whole story with the ending. It is meant to be told in two parts but written to stand alone as well.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by arbraun » September 30th, 2010, 10:58 am

notw wrote:Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood, but instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield to find family friends, Dermot and Tilly. Carrying a few meager items and a salvaged letter her mother had written, hoping for answers, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past. Good opening hook. Who are Dermot and Tilly? Her cousins?

When a stranger, comes snooping around Litchfield asking about Anna’s family, she begins to reevaluate their death and seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. Eldred directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will be able to find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finding answers about her parent’s past. I'd delete the useless comma after "stranger." Two "Eldred's" in a row. I'd start out the second sentence with "He."

As she sets out for Ilian, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who, after rifling through her belongings, discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, a hooded stranger named Tormod comes to her rescue, freeing her from the brigands. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy that has been foretold depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since taking the throne from the former king and murdering the group trying to protect the history. This group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy. Good specifity.

Finally arriving in the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn, the woman to whom her mother had written to years ago. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother who already has an unfavorable view of her. The only thing that brightens her day is the sporadic visits from Tormod and the flutter of emotions she has whenever he is near. While living with her grandparents, Anna is introduced to a new lifestyle: the world of the rich. Anna spends most of her time learning the etiquette of a proper lady, at her grandmother’s insistence, while her spare chances of freedom are filled with Tormod or down in the market perusing the vendor’s merchandise. I don't know about listing these menial duties of hers. I think I'd leave them out in a synopsis. Hook the agent with exciting stuff only.

On one of her trips to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. Soon after their encounter, Anna’s grandfather is invited to the castle for a meeting. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends. Is there supposed to be a paragraph break here?
Anna spends a month at the castle for the winter festival where Vordigern introduces her to Lynaye, who also turns out to be a friend of Tormod. Lynaye shares with Anna how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, Anna accompanies Vordigern for a walk but their time is disrupted by an assassin’s dagger. Before Anna has the opportunity to give Vordigern a warning, her world goes black. Regaining consciousness, she comes face to face with the attacker: a man named Den. Den relays a message to her for the king, threatening him that the brigands will not tolerate being betrayed. Before Den has a chance to do anything else, Tormod appears and within a matter of seconds, it becomes apparent that these two men have already met. Two "Den's" in a row. Second time, "He."

Several days after Den’s attempt on Vordigern’s life, he is caught trying to sneak out of the city and the people of Ilian congregate in the courtyard to watch the execution of the assassin Den. Just as the executioner lines up the perfect blow, a commotion occurs among the crowd. Before the guards have a chance to respond, Den has vanished. The executioner lay in his own pool of blood as an arrow protrudes from his neck. Segreth, enraged at being thwarted of revenge, chooses this moment to declare war on the brigands. I think it's "lies" instead of "lay."

As the king continues to strategize his first move, Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. This question forces a torrent of emotions to bombard her all at once. On the one hand if she doesn’t accept his offer, Anna will be following in the footsteps of her mother and be thrown out of her grandparent’s house with nowhere else to live. But if she follows her grandparent’s desire, it would mean giving up her chance at a normal life. Reluctantly, Anna accepts his marriage proposal.
After Vordigern leaves to tell his father of the good news, Anna is kidnapped by none other than Den and a few of his men who plan on using her as collateral to gain an upper hand in case the king tries to turn on them again.

Anna spends a month as a hostage in the brigand encampment before being rescued once again by none other than Tormod. Just as they are about to escape, a confrontation occurs between her captor Den and Tormod. During their argument, Anna’s world once again shatters as she finds out Den is actually her brother. Before they have a chance to talk, Anna is forced to leave.
Just as they make it out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow and slides off the horse to buy Anna more time. Before letting her ride off, he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.
Your synopsis was mostly effective, but I feel it's too long. I believe--from what I read in Writer's Market--that a synopsis is a one or one and a half page letter. You're over 1,000 words here, and one page is 250 words, give or take.

Hope this helps.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by notw » September 30th, 2010, 6:11 pm

Arbraun thanks for the comments! I agree it is too long but wanted to hear suggestions before starting to cut it down :)

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by Quill » September 30th, 2010, 7:23 pm

One thousand words is not too long. You can create a capsule version if you like. It's good to be armed with both long and short versions going into the query and submission process.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by arbraun » October 2nd, 2010, 4:12 pm

You're welcome.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by notw » October 11th, 2010, 7:33 pm

How does this version look? Just an fyi this one would be my one page synopsis.

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood; instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield. Carrying a salvaged letter her mother had written, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield, searching for answers. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past.

When a stranger named Tormod comes snooping around asking about Anna’s family, she seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. He directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finally receiving answers.

Setting out, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, Tormod comes to her rescue. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since murdering the group trying to protect the history. This group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy.
Entering the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother and the only thing that brightens her day is sporadic visits from Tormod.

During a trip to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.

At the winter festival, Anna is introduced to a friend of Vordigern’s who knew Anna’s mother. This woman shares how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, she accompanies Vordigern for a walk but it is abruptly interrupted by an assassin’s dagger.

Several days after the failed attempt on Vordigern’s life, the city of Ilian gathers to watch the execution of the assassin. But before the assassin is murdered, he vanishes, enraging the king who declares war, on whom he holds responsible, the brigands.

After his near death experience Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. A torrent of emotions bombard her all at once, until reluctantly, she accepts. Once Vordigern leaves, Anna gets kidnapped by the assassin and is held hostage in their encampment.

On the eve of her escape, Anna’s world once again shatters as her rescuer Tormod reveals her captor to be none other than her brother. But before they have a chance to speak, she is forced to leave.

Making their way out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow. Knowing he will only slow her down, he slips off the horse to buy her more time. In his parting words he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.

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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by heyimkt » October 15th, 2010, 5:29 pm

notw wrote:How does this version look? Just an fyi this one would be my one page synopsis.

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood; instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield. Carrying a salvaged letter her mother had written, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield, searching for answers. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past. like this first paragraph

When a stranger named Tormod comes snooping around asking about Anna’s family, she seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. He directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finally receiving answers.

Setting out, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, Tormod comes to her rescue. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since murdering the group trying to protect the history. might just be me, but I feel like King Segreth is just kind of thrown in here without introductionThis group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy. I would change the order of this paragraph around to introduce things and flow better. If you start with Tormod telling Anna he's kind of part of the Foresaken, then go on to say the issue with King Segreth vs. the Foresaken, and maybe end with the prophecy?
Entering the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother and the only thing that brightens her day is sporadic visits from Tormod.

During a trip to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.
You might want to add something about how/why they are at the castle
At the winter festival, Anna is introduced to a friend of Vordigern’s who knew Anna’s mother. This woman shares how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, she accompanies Vordigern for a walk but it is abruptly interrupted by an assassin’s dagger.

Several days after the failed attempt on Vordigern’s life, the city of Ilian gathers to watch the execution of the assassin. But before the assassin is murdered, he vanishes, enraging the king who declares war, on whom he holds responsible, the brigands. This sentence was a little wordy or something. What about: But before the assassin is murdered, he vanishes, and King Segreth(?) is enraged, declaring war on whom he holds responsible: the brigands.

After his near death experience Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. A torrent of emotions bombard her all at once, until reluctantly, she accepts. Once Vordigern leaves, Anna gets kidnapped by the assassin and is held hostage in their his? encampment.

On the eve of her escape, Anna’s world once again shatters as her rescuer Tormod reveals her captor to be none other than her brother. But before they have a chance to speak, she is forced to leave. I like how you mention this part

Making their way out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow. Knowing he will only slow her down, he slips off the horse to buy her more time. In his parting words he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.
Don't know too much about these, but most of it looks good to me!

heyimkt
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Re: Synopsis-Forsaken

Post by heyimkt » October 15th, 2010, 5:33 pm

Ok...I posted a reply but it didn't show up. I hope this one works?
notw wrote:How does this version look? Just an fyi this one would be my one page synopsis.

Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood; instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield. Carrying a salvaged letter her mother had written, Anna settles into a new routine in Litchfield, searching for answers. The further she probes into her parent’s former identities, the more she realizes they are shrouded by their ambiguous past. like this first paragraph

When a stranger named Tormod comes snooping around asking about Anna’s family, she seeks out the insight of the town historian, Eldred. He directs Anna to Ilian, the capital city of Echin, where she will find Frayowyn, the planned recipient of the letter her mother had harbored. Hope begins to well within her at the prospect of finally receiving answers.

Setting out, Anna is captured by a group of brigands who discuss the possibility of selling her into slavery. Just as Anna is about to lose all hope, Tormod comes to her rescue. Tormod introduces Anna to the prophecy depicting a mere peasant as the rightful heir of Echin. He also reveals the true history of Echin, which King Segreth and his father have distorted since murdering the group trying to protect the history. might just be me, but I feel like King Segreth is just kind of thrown in here without introductionThis group was called the Forsaken: the original members who swore their fealty to watching for the rightful heir. But Tormod, the son of one of the Forsaken, continues to carry on their legacy. I would change the order of this paragraph around to introduce things and flow better. If you start with Tormod telling Anna he's kind of part of the Foresaken, then go on to say the issue with King Segreth vs. the Foresaken, and maybe end with the prophecy?
Entering the capital city, Anna meets Frayowyn. During their encounter her identity is revealed—Frayowyn is Anna’s grandmother. Left with no other alternative, Anna is forced to stay with her estranged grandmother and the only thing that brightens her day is sporadic visits from Tormod.

During a trip to the market, she runs into Prince Vordigern, who immediately is drawn to Anna. From that moment on, they spend several nights a week having supper at the castle as Vordigern and Anna becomes fast friends.
You might want to add something about how/why they are at the castle
At the winter festival, Anna is introduced to a friend of Vordigern’s who knew Anna’s mother. This woman shares how her parents met and her mother’s refusal of the marriage proposal Segreth offered. Pondering this news, she accompanies Vordigern for a walk but it is abruptly interrupted by an assassin’s dagger.

Several days after the failed attempt on Vordigern’s life, the city of Ilian gathers to watch the execution of the assassin. But before the assassin is murdered, he vanishes, enraging the king who declares war, on whom he holds responsible, the brigands. This sentence was a little wordy or something. What about: But before the assassin is murdered, he vanishes, and King Segreth(?) is enraged, declaring war on whom he holds responsible: the brigands.

After his near death experience Vordigern goes off seeking to make Anna his wife. A torrent of emotions bombard her all at once, until reluctantly, she accepts. Once Vordigern leaves, Anna gets kidnapped by the assassin and is held hostage in their his? encampment.

On the eve of her escape, Anna’s world once again shatters as her rescuer Tormod reveals her captor to be none other than her brother. But before they have a chance to speak, she is forced to leave. I like how you mention this part

Making their way out of the brigand camp, Tormod is struck by an arrow. Knowing he will only slow her down, he slips off the horse to buy her more time. In his parting words he confesses his feelings for her and makes her promise to remember the true history of Echin and to carry on the legacy of the Forsaken.

Still reeling from the sudden death of Tormod, Anna is greeted one evening with an intriguing surprise from her grandfather: a letter from Eldred. Though the letter is vague, Anna learns he is coming to Ilian soon to discuss an important issue surrounding her parent’s past. So she waits for his arrival, contemplating her next move.
Don't know too much about these, but most of it looks good to me!

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