NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Ugh. You got stuck writing a synopsis. Help is on the way.
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BethC
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NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 15th, 2010, 2:26 pm

Please check the revision a few posts down.

I'm in the query process and have put off the dreaded synopsis as long as I dare. Had one request for partial but eleven days later rejected. Sulked for a couple of hours, ate the biggest brownie I could find, and got back to work. This is about the ninth revision, but the first I've posted. I trust you guys to do what you do best.

Synopsis: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

A senior year is meant to be fun and crazy, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a real boyfriend. At least that’s what Presley O’Connor is trying to make herself believe. She spent last year trying hard to make a spark fly with Jack Smith, her best friend forever, but it didn’t happen, and now she’s content to hang out with him. Presley wouldn’t call what they are doing dating.

She and Jack almost share a birthday, and for the past three years they’ve celebrated with an end of summer bash. Tonight is that night, and Presley intends to make it the best one yet. But the letter she pulls from the mailbox that afternoon begins a year long journey that takes her to the brink of death, and to the man destined to be her one true love.

The contents of the letter are simple: a note wishing her a happy last birthday and her senior picture mutilated beyond recognition. Most people would have been terrified, but Presley has the ability to physically connect to others’ emotions; a gift she’s found quite useful when dealing with jealous girlfriends and boys intentions. It shouldn’t be too hard to find the person who hates her enough to do this, and besides, she already has a prime suspect in mind.

Finding the sender isn’t as easy as Presley thought it would be. Her suspect certainly hates her, but no matter how hard she concentrates, she can’t find a murderous feeling in him. And then there is the matter of nightmares. Never a dreamer, the one that haunts her nightly stars the dark and two pairs of eyes. One set terrifies her; the other, filled with more hate than the first, somehow comforts her. If nightmares aren’t enough to bring on panic attacks, then the strange sensations she has every time she thinks of Reid Montgomery are. Reid is a long-time crush, but he’s away at college, and it’s not likely her fantasies about him will ever come true.
Presley’s life is becoming the nightmare of her dreams. Someone is watching her. She can feel the cold, empty darkness of his presence. On Christmas Eve she meets her stalker face to face. A serial killer has targeted her as victim number six. All of his victims have been high school seniors; temporary jobs at photography studios have been the perfect place to obtain pictures and addresses. Presley is his favorite one yet. His nephew will love what he has planned.

Coming out of a store Christmas Eve, she spots a man watching her. The cold, evil emptiness has never been as strong. Sprinting for her car, she jumps in and heads for home where her brother and Jack are waiting. The man is right behind her, and when she pulls into her drive, he follows. But the man behind her is Reid; the killer is hiding in her car.

Although she’s grateful he saved her, it isn’t gratitude she feels when he looks at her. The deep ache she’s had every time she’s thought of him is a tickle compared to the shock waves that hit the instant their eyes connect. Presley knows every emotion Reid has for her, and though it’s her fantasy come true, it’s confusing. Reid is lying when he says he was lucky to see the man get in her car. Lying or protecting? Knowing Reid loves her, and she loves him, Presley is content to wait for an explanation.
Presley is deliriously happy; Reid, not wanting to be away from her, makes the drive home every few weeks. Presley believes nothing is ever going to come between them; until an accident that results in the death of the foreman on Reid’s grandparent’s ranch, forces him to reveal the truth about saving Presley.

Reid has visions and not just the ordinary, everyday psychic visions. His family has been under a spell for over four hundred years. It is a spell meant to save the family lineage. First born sons are able to find their soul mates through visions, but accepting the visions also puts them in danger. Bound by honor to save not only a soul mate, but also anyone close to them, it is possible, if they fail, for them to lose the capacity to love. Only the strongest survive.
Presley doesn’t doubt her love for Reid, or her ability to pull him through the tragedy. Her own admission about her psychic ability thrills him. The only thing that frightens her is the mystery of the lost prophecy, and what it means when Reid’s grandfather explains the spell will come full circle in the near future, and no one knows what that will mean for the family.

Surviving the tragedy together, Presley is upset when old dreams start reappearing. Reid tries to convince her it is just a reaction to all she has been through and the upcoming trial for the man who tried to kidnap her. In a way, she believes he’s right. They are about the man who wants to kill her; he’s coming again. She can feel it.

An unexpected opportunity on the Fourth of July gives the murderer the chance to escape, and Reid is working on the ranch, miles away from Presley, when he sees the danger. This time the killer doesn’t fail. With Presley held captive, Reid rushes to her. Knowing it will destroy him if he’s too late, she fights to stay alive.

Reid makes it to the cabin, the one always in Presley’s dream, in time to save her and Jack, who the killer mistakenly thought had saved Presley on Christmas Eve. Reid was his real target. Presley’s prime suspect in the death threat back in August is there too. All the pieces of Presley’s dream come together and this time there won’t be a need for a trial.

August 4th is more than Presley’s birthday. It’s the end of a year she never imagined would happen to her. Time will heal the wounds, physical and emotional, but the love between Reid and her will never end. He worried, once, it was just the magic of the spell that kept them together, but she knows better. Even without the magic, she would have loved him anyway.
Last edited by BethC on July 16th, 2010, 12:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

EvelynEhrlich
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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 15th, 2010, 5:48 pm

BethC,
I think this is smooth and easy to read, and the story is great. You managed to capture voice in the synopsis, and you also made me care about Presley and Reid. That's hard to do in a synopsis, so you deserve kudos for that.

I don't think you need to mention Jack, though. When I started reading the synopsis, I thought it was going to be about Presley and Jack, and then by the second line, it wasn't, and then there was "the man destined to be her one true love," so I thought it was Jack (again), only it wasn't... you get the drift. :) I also think you can delete the first 2 paragraphs and start with the birthday note, sans Jack.

Comments below, hope they help. Good luck with the ongoing query process!
BethC wrote:
Synopsis: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

A senior year is meant to be fun and crazy, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a real boyfriend. At least that’s what Presley O’Connor is trying to make herself believe. She spent last year trying hard to make a spark fly with Jack Smith, her best friend forever, but it didn’t happen, and now she’s content to hang out with him. Presley wouldn’t call what they are doing dating.
She and Jack almost share a birthday, and for the past three years they’ve celebrated with an end of summer bash. Tonight is that nightIt's Presley O'Connor's [eighteenth] birthday, and Presleyshe intends to make it the best one yet. But the letter she pulls from the mailbox that afternoon begins a year long journey that takes her to the brink of death, and to the man destined to be her one true love. I don't love this sentence. Maybe it's the foreshadowing, since I feel the synopsis should just take you step-by-step through the main plot, rather than letting the narrator jump in to tell you what's going to happen. Or maybe it's because the sentence is too vague, and it doesn't do the plot justice ("brink of death" and "the man destined to be her one true love" sound cliched, but having read the rest of your synopsis, I know your story is so much richer than that).

The contents of the letterenvelope (?) [The "letter" wouldn't be the letter itself + picture, but maybe an envelope could contain the two] are simple: a note wishing her a happy last birthday and her senior picture mutilated beyond recognition. Most people would have been terrified, she's not even a teensy bit terrified? but Presley has the ability to physically connect to others’ emotions;a gift she’s found quite useful when dealing with jealous girlfriends and boys intentions.This last bit takes away from the drama of the moment. It reads like this: She's just received a death threat. Good news is, she has supernatural powers! And by the way, she has used them in the past to figure out if boys like her. See what I mean? It shouldn’t be too hard to find the person who hates her enough to do this, and besides, she already has a prime suspect in mind.

Finding the sender isn’t as easy as Presley thought it would be. Her suspect certainly hates her, but no matter how hard she concentrates, she can’t find a murderous feeling in him. And then there is the matter of nightmares. Never a dreamer, the one that haunts her nightly stars this verb threw me off the dark and two pairs of eyes. One set terrifies her; the other, filled with more hate than the first, somehow comforts her. Paragraph break since you're switching to the introduction of Reid. If nightmares aren’t enough to bring on panic attacks, then the strange sensations she has every time she thinks of Reid Montgomery are. Reid is a long-time crush, but he’s away at college, and it’s not likely her fantasies about him will ever come true.
Presley’s life is becoming the nightmare of her dreams.Not sure what this means. Maybe something like, "Presley's nightmares begin to bleed into the day." or "materialize in real life" or something like that? Someone is watching her. She can feel the cold, empty darkness of his presence. On Christmas Eve she meets her stalker face to face. A serial killer has targeted her as victim number six. All of his victims have been high school seniors; temporary jobs at photography studios have been the perfect place to obtain pictures and addresses. Presley is his favorite one yet. His nephew will love what he has planned. Huh? The serial killer's nephew comes out of left field and doesn't appear again. Do you really need him in the synopsis?

Coming out of a store Christmas Eve, she spots a man watching her. The cold, evil emptiness has never been as strong. This seems to be repetition of the end of the preceding paragraph. I think you can delete it. Sprinting for her car, she jumps in and heads for home where her brother and Jack are waiting. Her brother and Jack are irrelevant to the synopsis, because it's Reid who saves her in the next paragraph. The man is right behind her, and when she pulls into her drive, he follows. But the man behind her is Reid; the killer is hiding in her car. Yikes! This is great.

Although she’s grateful he saved her, it isn’t gratitude she feels when he looks at her. The deep ache she’s had every time she’s thought of him is a tickle compared to the shock waves that hit the instant their eyes connect. Presley knows every emotion Reid has for her, and though it’s her fantasy come true, it’s confusing. I came back to this line after I read the paragraph several times. I think this sentence, and the rest of the paragraph, can be clearer. She recognizes at least two of Reid's emotions, right? That he loves her, and that he's lying for some reason. As it is now, the preceding sentence sets me up for only one of Reid's emotions ("fantasy come true"), so I'm caught off guard by the second emotion. (I read it like this: he loves her! But then the next sentence says he's lying, so I think, Oh, OK, I was wrong. He doesn't love her, but he's lying. But then the next sentence says he loves her... Maybe re-ordering the clauses will help clarify?) Reid is lying when he says he was lucky to see the man get in her car. Lying or protecting? Knowing Reid loves her, and she loves him, Presley is content to wait for an explanation.
Presley is deliriously happy; I think you can delete this. It's apparent that she's happy he loves her, and saying that she's "deliriously happy" is rather nonchalant, given that a serial killer is out to get her Reid, not wanting to be away from her, makes the drive home every few weeks. Presley believes nothing is ever going to come between them; until an accident that results in thea death of the foremanon Reid’s grandparent’sranch, too many modifiers mess up the flow, and I think the details can be safely skipped over in a synopsis forces him to reveal the truth about saving Presley.

Reid has visions and not just the ordinary, everyday psychic visions. His family has been under a spell for over four hundred years. It is a spell meant to save the family lineage. Not sure if you need this here. It might add to confusion. The spell is supposed to save the family lineage, but the end of this paragraph makes it sounds like the spell is actually really difficult to manage and kills off most of the family. I'm sure it's nuanced and makes sense in the novel, but you might consider leaving it out of the synopsis. The description you have here is enough to make the spell interesting. First born sons are able to find their soul mates through visions, but accepting the visions also puts them in danger. Bound by honor to save not only a soul mate, but also anyone close to them, it is possible, if they fail, for them to lose the capacity to love. Only the strongest survive.
Presley doesn’t doubt her love for Reid, or her ability to pull him through the tragedy. Her own admission about her psychic ability thrills him. The only thing that frightens her is the mystery of the lost prophecy, and what it means when Reid’s grandfather explains the spell will come full circle in the near future, and no one knows what that will mean for the family. What is the lost prophecy? Is it the possibility that failing to save a soul mate will make him lose the capacity to love? Or something else? I think you should add a sentence fleshing it out.

Surviving the tragedy together, Presley is upset when old dreams start reappearing. Reid tries to convince her it is just a reaction to all she has been through and the upcoming trial for the man who tried to kidnap her. In a way, she believes he’s right. They are about the man who wants to kill her; he’s coming again. She can feel it.

An unexpected opportunity on the Fourth of July gives the murderer the chance to escape, and Reid is working on the ranch, miles away from Presley, when he sees the danger. This time the killer doesn’t fail. "doesn't fail" sounds like he succeeds in killing her. I am relieved when I read the next sentence, but that's probably not what you're going for. With Presley held captive, Reid rushes to reach her. Sounds like he's already reached her. Knowing it will destroy him if he’s too late, she fights to stay alive.

Reid makes it to the cabin, the one always in Presley’s dream, in time to save her and Jack, who the killer mistakenly thought had saved Presley on Christmas Eve. Reid was his real target. Presley’s prime suspect in the death threat back in August is there too. oh! Is this the nephew you mentioned earlier? Even so, I don't think you need to include him in the synopsis. All the pieces of Presley’s dream come together and this time there won’t be a need for a trial. I understand what you're saying, but it's technically inaccurate that there's no need for a trial. Re-word?

August 4th is more than Presley’s birthday.A little confused. The story started on her birthday, and ends on her birthday? But I don't think everything happened in one day. Do you mean her birthday is the day when everything in her life changed? It’s the end of a year she never imagined would happen to her. Time will heal the wounds, physical and emotional, but the love between Reid and her will never end. He worried, once, it was just the magic of the spell that kept them together, but she knows better. Even without the magic, she would have loved him anyway.

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 15th, 2010, 10:17 pm

EvelynEhrlich,

this is exactly why I love this forum. I've read and reread so many times that things just make sense...it is so easy to see what others have to say. I have struggled through nine revisions...each one giving Jack less time. While he certainly isn't the MC, he's a character that is throughout the story and I love him...I have him down to 2 mentions in this one and now I can let him go...(it is so hard not to want to tell more). I will work on the things you've suggested. I'm sure I should leave the nephew out. In the story he's the first person Presley suspects and then at the end the reader discovers he is actually the nephew of the killer (on mother's side, so different last name and not from the same town so no one connected the two). I did say a trial wouldn't be needed and need to make that clear, since the kidnapper is killed. My biggest concern is the lost prophecy. It is not solved in this book and really doesn't have to be for the story to have the right ending. I am in the process of a second MS that will complete the story, where they discover the lost book and the secret that will change the way the spells affect the Montgomery's. Maybe I shouldn't mention it since it isn't solved here.

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by EvelynEhrlich » July 15th, 2010, 10:41 pm

Hey BethC,
I wouldn't mention the lost prophecy if it's not solved in the book. I think most agents want to see you pitching only one book, so even if they end up falling in love with it and trying to sell it as a series, best to keep that second manuscript (and the unsolved lost prophecy) in your back pocket until that discussion arises.

Your story is very interesting, and I hope to see it on shelves in the near future!

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 15th, 2010, 10:49 pm

That's what I was thinking as I reread the synopsis and your comments. I'll work on this and repost with an update. Maybe good fortune will fall on us both.

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 16th, 2010, 1:02 am

Made a few revisions. See if this is clearer.
Synopsis: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

A senior year is meant to be fun and crazy, and today is Presley O’Connor’s eighteenth birthday. She intends to make it the best one yet. But the letter she pulls from the mailbox promises anything but fun.

The contents of the envelope are simple: a note wishing her a happy last birthday and her senior picture mutilated beyond recognition. Most people would have been terrified, but Presley has the ability to physically connect to others’ emotions; a gift she’s believes will make it easy to find the person who hates her enough to do this. Besides, she already has a prime suspect in mind.

Finding the sender isn’t as easy as Presley thought it would be. Her suspect certainly hates her, but no matter how hard she concentrates, she can’t find a murderous feeling in him. And then there is the matter of nightmares. The same one visits her every night. She is always in the dark, unable to move, and even in her dream she can’t shut out the two pairs of eyes that are watching her. One set terrifies her; the other, filled with more hate than the first, somehow comforts her.

If nightmares aren’t enough to bring on panic attacks, then the strange sensations she has every time she thinks of Reid Montgomery are. Reid is a long-time crush, but he’s away at college, and it’s not likely her fantasies about him will ever come true.

Presley’s waking hours aren’t pleasant either. Someone is watching her. She can feel the cold, empty darkness of his presence. On Christmas Eve she meets her stalker face to face. A serial killer has targeted her as victim number six. All of his victims have been high school seniors; temporary jobs at photography studios have been the perfect place to obtain pictures and addresses. Presley is his favorite one yet.

Coming out of a store Christmas Eve, she spots a man watching her. The cold, evil emptiness has never been as strong. Sprinting for her car, she jumps in and heads for home. The man is right behind her, and when she pulls into her drive, he follows. But the man behind her is Reid; the killer is hiding in her car.

Although she’s grateful he saved her, it isn’t gratitude she feels when he looks at her. The deep ache she’s had every time she’s thought of him is nothing compared to the shock waves that hit the instant their eyes connect. Presley knows his every emotion, and though it is bewildering to feel love so deeply and so quickly she chooses not to question it. Her only question is why Reid would lie about the circumstances of his saving her. She knows his being there at the perfect moment is more than luck. But knowing the depth of Reid’s love for her, she is content to wait for an explanation.

Reid, not wanting to be away from her, makes the drive home every few weeks. Presley believes nothing is ever going to come between them; until an accident on Reid's grandparent's ranch, results in a death, and he is forced to reveal the truth about saving Presley.

Reid has visions and not just the ordinary, everyday psychic visions. His family has been under a spell for over four hundred years. First born sons find their soul mates through visions, but accepting the visions also puts them in danger. Bound by honor to save anyone close to them, he tells her he’s not Superman. Can’t leap tall buildings; can’t stop speeding bullets. Time is something he can't promise her. But death isn’t the worst thing that can happen. It is possible, if they fail to save someone, for them to lose the capacity to love. It’s the battle raging inside him since the accident, and he tries to convince her life would be better without him.

Presley doesn’t doubt her love for Reid, or her ability to pull him through the tragedy. Her own admission about her psychic ability thrills him, and together they find the magic that brought them together, will bind them forever.

Everything seems to be working out until the nightmares return. Reid tries to convince her it is just a reaction to all she has been through and the upcoming trial for the man who tried to kidnap her. In a way, she believes he’s right. They are about the man who wants to kill her; he’s coming again. She can feel it.

An unexpected opportunity on the Fourth of July gives the murderer the chance to escape, and Reid is working on the ranch, miles away from Presley, when he sees the danger. This time the kidnapping is successful. With Presley held captive, Reid rushes to reach her. Knowing it will destroy him if he’s too late, she fights to stay alive.

Presley knows what to expect; she’s seen this scene in her nightmares and uses her power to read his emotions to stall for time. Reid smashes through the cabin door as the man is beginning to cut her face. In the fight that ensues, the murderer is killed. At least this time she won’t have to worry about a trial.

On the morning of August 4th, Presley thinks back through the past year. She never imagined a year ago the events that were waiting for her. She always dreamed of finding true love. But finding Reid is more than magical. He worried once it was the magic of the spell that kept them together, but that’s silly. If she’s ever been sure of anything, it’s that even without the magic, she would have loved him anyway.

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by dios4vida » July 19th, 2010, 2:42 pm

Just so you know, I didn't read your earlier versions. I went straight to this one, so I came into the story blind.
BethC wrote:Made a few revisions. See if this is clearer.
Synopsis: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

A senior year is meant to be fun and crazy, and today is Presley O’Connor’s eighteenth birthday. She intends to make it the best one yet. But the letter she pulls from the mailbox promises anything but fun. We go from school year to individual day here. Do you really need to start with senior year, or just say "An eighteenth birthday is meant to be fun and crazy, and today is Presley O'Connor's day." Otherwise, good beginning.

The contents of the envelope are simple: a note wishing her a happy last birthday and her senior picture mutilated beyond recognition. Most people would have been terrified, but Presley has the ability to physically connect to others’ emotions; How would one physically connect to an emotion, which has no physical being? a gift she’s just "she" believes will make it easy to find the person who hates her enough to do this. Besides, she already has a prime suspect in mind. Who?

Finding the sender isn’t as easy as Presley thought it would be. Her suspect certainly hates her, but no matter how hard she concentrates, she can’t find a murderous feeling in him. And then there is the matter of nightmares. The same one visits her every night. She is always in the dark, unable to move, and even in her dream she can’t shut out the two pairs of eyes that are watching her. One set terrifies her; the other, filled with more hate than the first, somehow comforts her.

If nightmares aren’t enough to bring on panic attacks, then the strange sensations she has every time she thinks of Reid Montgomery are. Reid is a long-time crush, but he’s away at college, and it’s not likely her fantasies about him will ever come true. Why would thinking about her crush bring on panic attacks? Otherwise I like this introduction of Reid.

Presley’s waking hours aren’t pleasant either. Someone is watching her. She can feel the cold, empty darkness of his presence. On Christmas Eve she meets her stalker face to face. A serial killer has targeted her as victim number six. I thought you said there wasn't a murderous feeling in him. All of his victims have been high school seniors; temporary jobs at photography studios have been the perfect place to obtain pictures and addresses. Presley is his favorite one yet.

Coming out of a store Christmas Eve, she spots a man watching her. This feels redundant since you mentioned both Christmas Eve and a stalker in the previous paragraph. The cold, evil emptiness has never been as strong. Would "stronger" work better than "as strong"? Sprinting for her car, she jumps in and heads for home. The man is right behind her, and when she pulls into her drive, he follows. But the man behind her is Reid; the killer is hiding in her car. This got slightly confusing, because you didn't mention that "the man behind her" was in a car, which made the statement that the killer was in her car but Reid was behind her a little jarring. Just a little clarification and it'll be great.

Although she’s grateful he saved her, it isn’t gratitude she feels when he looks at her. This sentence doesn't really work for me. When she looks at him, she feels his emotions...right? So why would she expect to feel gratitude from him? The deep ache she’s had every time she’s thought of him is nothing compared to the shock waves that hit the instant their eyes connect. Presley knows his every emotion, and though it is bewildering to feel love so deeply and so quickly she chooses not to question it. Clarify that it's Reid's feelings of love she feels, not just her own. Her only question is why Reid would lie about the circumstances of his saving her. She knows his being there at the perfect moment is more than luck. But knowing the depth of Reid’s love for her, she is content to wait for an explanation.

Reid, not wanting to be away from her, makes the drive home every few weeks. Presley believes nothing is ever going to come between them; until an accident on Reid's grandparent's ranch, results resulting in a death, and he is forced I'd say "forces him" insteadto reveal the truth about saving Presley.

Reid has visions comma? and not just the ordinary, everyday psychic visions. His family has been under a spell for over four hundred years. First born sons find their soul mates through visions, but accepting the visions also puts them in danger. Bound by honor to save anyone close to them, physically close, or emotionally close? he tells her he’s not Superman. Can’t leap tall buildings; can’t stop speeding bullets. This sentence breaks the voice. Time is something he can't promise her. But death isn’t the worst thing that can happen. It is possible, if they fail to save someone, for them to lose the capacity to love. Cool! It’s the battle raging inside him since the accident, and he tries to convince her life would be better without him. How can he battle that? Does he have any control over it?

Presley doesn’t doubt her love for Reid, or her ability to pull him through the tragedy. Her own admission about her psychic ability thrills him, and together they find the magic that brought them together, no comma will bind them forever.

Everything seems to be working out until the nightmares return. Reid tries to convince her it is just a reaction to all she has been through and the upcoming trial for the man who tried to kidnap her. In a way, she believes he’s right. They are about the man who wants to kill her; he’s coming again. She can feel it. Explain a bit more. She believes him, but knows he's wrong. Just a bit more clarification.

An unexpected opportunity on the Fourth of July gives the murderer the chance to escape, and Reid is working on the ranch, miles away from Presley, when he sees the danger. Sentence runs on a bit. Try cutting into two. This time the kidnapping is successful. With Presley held captive, Reid rushes to reach her. Knowing it will destroy him if he’s too late, she fights to stay alive.

Presley knows what to expect; she’s seen this scene in her nightmares and uses her power to read his emotions to stall for time. How does that stall him? Reid smashes through the cabin door You never said cabin before, so you can take it out now. as the man is beginning to cut her face. In the fight that ensues, the murderer is killed. At least this time she won’t have to worry about a trial. This last sentence seems out of place.

On the morning of August 4th, Presley thinks back through the past year. She never imagined a year ago the events that were waiting for her. She always dreamed of finding true love. But finding Reid is more than magical. I'd combine these two sentences. He worried once it was the magic of the spell that kept them together, but that’s silly. "That's silly" breaks the voice. Rewording that would really help keep continuity. If she’s ever been sure of anything, it’s that even without the magic, she would have loved him anyway.I love how you finished the synopsis with the title. It really works well!
I really like your storyline, it has good pacing and a good imagination. I like the characters and powers of Reid and Presley. Overall I think you've got a solid synopsis going, just a few clarifications/changes and I think you're be in a really good place with it.

One little thing, though - you should only put two spaces between sentences if you're using a typewriter. In word processing one space is preferred.

Good luck!
Brenda :)

Inspiration isn't about the muse. Inspiration is working until something clicks. ~Brandon Sanderson

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 19th, 2010, 4:28 pm

Thanks for your comments dios4vida. I do need to clear things up and will do that. Just so you'll know. the person she first suspects (the one with no murderous thoughts) is a classmate that's been harassing her because she won't go out with him. It isn't him. A serial killer is the letter sender and since he's not around her, she doesn't have a chance to read his feelings.....which I will clear up here....she can physically feel what others are feeling...for example, if someone says "I'm not mad, it's okay,,, but they are really fuming inside...well, she knows. Much like being her own personal lie detector. Later in the book, when she is kidnapped she is able to actually hear the thoughts of the killer and being able to know his feelings she is able to ask questions and get him talking that effectively stalls for enough time for Reid to save her. As for your question about Reid battling not to lose his capacity to love....in the book that is explained...it is possible to overcome the destructive force that hits them when they fail to save someone. Again thanks for commenting.

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Re: NEW for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Post by BethC » July 19th, 2010, 5:04 pm

Take a look at this and see if the changes help. I don't have it formatted right at the top with name/genre, etc. but will before I send it.

Synopsis: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Today is Presley O’Connor’s eighteenth birthday. She intends to make it the best one yet. But the letter she pulls from the mailbox promises anything but fun.

The contents of the envelope are simple: a note wishing her a happy last birthday and her senior picture mutilated beyond recognition. Most people would have been terrified, but Presley has the ability to physically connect to others’ emotions; a gift she’s believes will make it easy to find the person who hates her enough to do this. Besides, she already has a classmate, her prime suspect, in mind.

Finding the sender isn’t as easy as Presley thought it would be. Her suspect certainly hates her, but no matter how hard she concentrates, she can’t find a murderous feeling in him. And then there is the matter of nightmares. The same one visits her every night. She is always in the dark, unable to move, and even in her dream she can’t shut out the two pairs of eyes that are watching her. One pair terrifies her; the other, filled with more hate than the first, somehow comforts her.
If nightmares aren’t enough to bring on panic attacks, then the hallucinations she has every time she thinks of Reid Montgomery are. Reid is a long-time crush, but he’s away at college, and it’s not likely her fantasies about him will ever come true.

Presley’s waking hours aren’t pleasant either. Someone is watching her. She can feel the cold, empty darkness of his presence. On Christmas Eve she meets her stalker face to face. A serial killer has targeted her as victim number six. All of his victims have been high school seniors; temporary jobs at photography studios have been the perfect place to obtain pictures and addresses. Presley is his favorite one yet.

Coming out of a store Christmas Eve, she spots a man watching her from across the street. The cold, evil emptiness has never been stronger. Sprinting for her car, she jumps in and heads for home. The man gets in his car and pulls out right behind her, and when she pulls into her drive, he follows. But the man behind her is Reid; the killer is hiding in her car.

Although she’s grateful he saved her, her own feelings have nothing to do with gratitude when she looks at him. The deep ache she’s had every time she’s thought of him is nothing compared to the shock waves that hit the instant their eyes connect. Her only question is why Reid would lie about the circumstances of his saving her. She knows his being there at the perfect moment is more than luck. But knowing the depth of Reid’s love for her, she is content to wait for an explanation.

Reid, not wanting to be away from her, makes the drive home every few weeks. Presley believes nothing is ever going to come between them; until an accident on Reid’s grandparent’s ranch, results in a death. Reid, unable to save the man, begins to pull back from Presley. Feeling the same cold emptiness overtaking him, Presley insists he explain what is going on.

Reid has visions and not just the ordinary, everyday psychic visions. His family has been under a spell for over four hundred years. First born sons find their soul mates through visions, but accepting the visions also puts them in danger. Bound by honor to save family members and others they love, he tells her he’s not Superman. He can’t leap tall buildings; can’t stop speeding bullets. Time is something he can’t promise her. But death isn’t the worst thing that can happen. It is possible, if they fail to save someone, for them to lose the capacity to love. Reid feels that is what’s happening to him, and he tries to convince Presley life would be better without him.

Presley doesn’t doubt her love for Reid, or her ability to pull him through the tragedy. Her own admission about her psychic ability thrills him, and she convinces him the magic that brought them together will bind them forever.

Everything seems to be working out until the nightmares return. Reid tries to convince her it is just a reaction to all she has been through and her worry over the upcoming trial for the man who tried to kidnap her. In a way, she believes he’s right. They are about the man who wants to kill her, but her nightmares aren’t from things in the past. He’s coming again. She can feel it.

An unexpected opportunity on the Fourth of July gives the murderer the chance to escape. Reid is working on the ranch, miles away from Presley, when he sees the danger. This time the kidnapping is successful. With Presley held captive, Reid rushes to reach her. Knowing it will destroy him if he’s too late, she fights to stay alive.

Presley knows what to expect; she’s seen this scene in her nightmares and uses her power to read his emotions to stall for time. Reid smashes through the cabin door as the man is beginning to cut her face. In the fight that ensues, the murderer is killed. At least this time she won’t have to worry about a trial.

On the morning of August 4th, Presley thinks back through the past year. She never imagined a year ago the events that were waiting for her. She always dreamed of finding true love. But finding Reid is more than magical. He worried once it was the magic of the spell that kept them together, but Presley knows better. If she’s ever been sure of anything, it’s that even without the magic, she would have loved him anyway.

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