Synopsis - Under The Sun

[deepsesh]

I really can't understand how to summarize a book of 60,000 words into 2 pages. And i struggled to do mine. I've been using this synopsis so far, but i'm not happy with it myself. And i can't seem to edit it further. I'm on a total block.

My story involves a lot of plots - so I've only stuck to the main one. But it somehow doesn't come out well here :( How can i make it more interesting?? Need your help guys!

UNDER THE SUN - SYNOPSIS

A fast paced romance drama, which revolves around Evelyn Carter and Christopher Hayden. Their love for each other and how it evolves along with time will leave you dreaming of your knight in shining armour too. Evoke the feeling of love, lust and excitement in you as Eve takes you through it from her perspective.

Eve is a dreamy, carefree teenager while Christopher is a 32 year old, rich businessman. They fall in love in a romantic beach setting, in Hope Cove - Devon, and their life takes a jump start from here on.

Cali finds out about her littler sister’s rendezvous with Chris and gets upset about the relationship.

Once back in home in Reading, England, the book follows Eve and Chris’ love story, How Eve finally tells her parents about the relationship and their reaction towards it.

The story then shifts to Ireland, with Chris wanting Eve to meet his family - a disapproving mother, friendly sister, a polite but cold older sister, and the resentful youngest sister.

A dramatic twist to the tale comes from Derek, with whose sister Chris is supposedly engaged. The subsequent threats and plots and schemes for his personal grudge against Chris and finally how he manages to hurt the one person that means most to Chris – Eve.

Like any good novel, the climax ends on a happy note. Chris succeeds in his counter-revenge mission, Eve realizes she is ready for marriage, and they come back to England an engaged couple.

Approximate word count - 60,000 in 36 chapters.

[BlancheKing]

Just a few thoughts... please excuse the bluntness

UNDER THE SUN - SYNOPSIS

A fast paced romance drama, which revolves around Evelyn Carter and Christopher Hayden.Too many unnecessary words and overly complex structure; the point of a synopsis is to be brief. Replace "which revolves around" with "involving". Their love for each other and how it evolves along with time will leave you dreaming of your knight in shining armour too.Supposition. Sounds like an ad for shampoo or something... Evoke the feeling of love, lust and excitementTwilight syndrome: "evoke" breaks the flow and "love, lust, excitement" are too similar to be listed in you as Eve takes you through it from her perspective.

Eve is a dreamy, carefree teenager while Christopher is a 32 year old, rich businessman. Cliche descriptions. See just about every other romance novel out there. Replace adjectives "dreamy, carefree" and "rich" with something that actually differenciates your characters from the masses.They fall in love in a romantic beach setting, in Hope Cove - Devon, and their life takes a jump start from here on.Vague. Their life takes a jumpstart... as in they lie in bed and make love or they turn out to be secret super spies for a secret organization in Antarctica bent on protecting penguins?

Cali finds out about her littler sister’s rendezvous with Chris and gets upset about the relationship.Blunt introduction of character, and vague. I get upset when my soufflé deflates in the oven...I'm sure Cali feels the same degree of upset about Eve's relationship with Chris

Once back in home in Reading, England, the book follows Eve and Chris’ love storyOops, are we omniscient now? I thought we were in the story, not outside the book..., How Eve finally tells her parents about the relationship and their reaction towards itvague, listing, vague, too many words, vague, capitalization of "how".

The story then shifts to IrelandSo the characters aren't moving themselves. An deity of some sort is moving them to Ireland?, with Chris wanting Eve to meet his family - a disapproving mother, friendly sister, a polite but cold older sister, and the resentful youngest sister.vague, but better...

A dramatic twist to the tale comes from Derek, with whose sister Chris is supposedly engaged.No... bad. Let the characters move by themselves. Right now, it's like you are pinching them by the scruffs of their necks and moving them around like clay figurines The subsequent threats and plots and schemesSorry... what? I'm reading about action here. Let there be action... for his personal grudge against Chris and finally how he manages to hurt the one person that means most to Chris – Eve. Vague

Like any good novel, the climax ends on a happy note. Chris succeeds in his counter-revenge mission,Vague Eve realizes she is ready for marriage, and they come back to England an engaged couple.Vague, how?

Approximate word count - 60,000 in 36 chapters.

I'm very sorry I come off as harsh, and please don't take this personally. The general feel of this synopsis is that it is not a synopsis. You are telling me everything; I am not seeing anything for myself. Your characters are generic at best and immobile to be accurate. This is not a doll house. Make them move their own limbs. If Eve's carefree, I want her to show me, now you to tell me. Use more verbs and nouns, and less adjectives; this is not a stylistic discussion/preference. This is necessary in presentable writing.

[deepsesh]

Hey BlancheKing,

Thanks a LOT for your feedback. I know the synopsis totally sucks :P so the harsher the feedback, the more i learn and can try and make it better!!!

Sorry i couldn't reply sooner - been holidaying :D Just got back yesterday!

Will try and revise and post soon! Thanks again!

[midenianscholar]

Piggybacking on BlancheKing's suggestions, here are some questions you can ask yourself as you rewrite it:
Why do they fall in love/Why do they love each other? The setting is almost irrelevant when it comes to this. If they're really in love, you've got to fight against my prejudice as the reader to assume he's just after her youth and she's after his money.

How does Cali find out? Why is she upset? Should we agree that she has a reason to be unhappy about this? Ditto with Chris's family problems.

You don't want to go into too much detail in answering all these questions. But they should help you explore showing, rather than telling. One thing I would consider is trying to lessen all mentions of the family members and just focus on Chris and Eve's relationship, and the conflicts they face. This may sound insane, but focusing on just two characters closely would be more effective than trying to roll the whole cast on stage.

[Erica75]

I just started writing my synopsis and have been doing some research on them, although the information out there isn't nearly as plentiful as the info. on queries! First of all, I agree with Alyssa - you have too many characters listed. After the 2nd sister, I lost track, and then while rereading, I discovered they didn't do anything to forward the story. Your main characters are Eve and Chris - maybe Derek, if he's your "bad guy." But I wouldn't list him by starting "In a dramatic twist..." You WANT conflict and climax in your book and should show that in your synopsis.

I think you just might be stuck with vague sentences because you're still thinking about a query, in which you want to "hook" someone. Yes, you want your synopsis to stand out and make someone want to read more, however, if an agent is asking for one, it's because they want to more about your book. Unless otherwise specified, a synopsis can be 2-3 pages long, so you can add a lot more "meat" than what you have here. Not fluff, mind you, but "meat." Think what the dustcover of your hardcover novel would say - but add how it ends.

Include the beginning - Eve and Chris fall in love. Plus, I'm wondering - how old is Eve? If she's 15, it's way more of an issue than if she's 18 or 19. The middle - They face both of their disapproving families, who try to convince them it's a bad idea, and they have to turn toward each other even more for reassurance or risk falling apart altogether. (but with more detail and no run-ons.) The conflict - Derek is determined to enact revenge on behalf of his gilted sister and threatens Eve to get Chris to... (that's wrong and definitely bad, but however you word it - you could devote a paragraph to this if it's important.) The end - How do they get past the adversity? Yes, definitely say they end up engaged. DON'T end with a cliffhanger in a synopsis.

Final summary - You don't have to be so vague. You know your story. Tell me what it's about :)