Synopsis: The Archbishop's Son

[dahosek]

EMIL SIROTEK is a foundling living in a Catholic orphanage in Prague at the beginning of the twentieth century. As a foundling he finds himself at the bottom social tier among the boys of the orphanage. Other boys might have some family still outside the orphanage, or at least memories of a parent now deceased. Emil longs for the embrace of a family, but only gets rare compliments for his school work rather than love.

One morning Emil overhears SISTER AGNES and another nun talking and discovers that they knew his mother. Searching the orphanage record book, he discovers that MAGDA HOCHOVÁ was one of the nuns who had worked at the orphanage. Next to her name he finds an address on Krakovská Street, which he learns from another of the boys at the orphanage is Prague’s prostitution district.

He sneaks out of the orphanage at night and locates his mother. He has found a family at last. She tells him that his father is THE ARCHBISHOP and blames him for the fact that she has been forced into prostitution rather than being allowed to remain a nun or even become a servant with a wealthy family. When she asks him to seek vengeance against the archbishop on her behalf, he agrees. He decides that his best chance to get close enough to the archbishop to hurt him is to enter the minor seminary, which, along with the orphanage, is one of the archbishop’s special concerns.

MONSIGNOR VON BRENNAN, the archbishop’s secretary, prides himself in being indispensable to the archbishop, letting no one and nothing through to the archbishop which he hasn’t personally approved, controlling the small details of the archdiocese so the archbishop can focus on the big picture. In a rush to present his case for defrocking a priest, he accidentally gives the archbishop the letter requesting that Emil’s application to the minor seminary be considered. The archbishop finds the idea of combining his interests in the orphanage and seminary intriguing and orders that Emil’s application be reviewed.

FATHER SCHRENCK, the rector of the seminary wants little more than to be allowed to rule his domain undisturbed. The occasional visits from the archbishop and the use of students as altar boys at the cathedral is as much involvement as he cares to have with the archbishop. The fact that there are heretical works circulating among the students is a problem he would prefer to deal with on his own. When the archbishop wants to have a foundling admitted as a student, a child whose parents are unknown, he hoped to have an ally in Monsignor von Brennan but found the archbishop’s secretary was quick to agree with the archbishop after raising initial doubts. Furthermore, Monsignor von Brennan begins meeting with the rector on a regular basis and digging into the internal workings of the seminary.

The monsignor, for his part, sees Emil as a possible means of learning more about the circulation of heretical books and gathering enough evidence to bring down the wealthy and powerful family whose son, PAVEL VON TÁBOR, he believes is responsible for the introduction of the materials into the seminary.

Emil begins his studies at the seminary, shining in his academics, but discovering that just like at the orphanage, being too smart causes rifts with his classmates. When he is chosen to be a member of the cathedral acolytes, the boys who had been his friends break off their relationship with him and Emil finds himself socially isolated. In some ways, Emil’s only friend has become JAN CHUDÁK, a former classmate from the orphanage. Jan has run away from the carpenter, MR MÁLEK, to whom he had been apprenticed after Mr Málek broke his arm.

Pavel von Tábor, the unofficial leader of the cathedral acolytes takes Emil under his wing. He does what he can to make Emil feel welcome, offering him friendship and guidance while trying to influence him towards his own views on the role of the church.

As Emil studies at the seminary, he comes to the conclusion that the best way to avenge his mother is to kill the archbishop and begins directing his studies towards justifying his plan. In his moral theology class he writes a paper where he argues that the death penalty should be applicable if someone keeps someone from living their vocation, whether it is a secular profession or religious life because that person effectively has taken the other person’s life.

When Emil presents this paper, he is disappointed that his teacher, FATHER MÜLLER, strongly critiques Emil’s argument and cites St Augustine about how it was better to heal the sinner than to seek vengeance. Nevertheless, Emil boasts about the paper to Jan, telling him that he used Jan as an example in his paper.

Jan seizes on this knowledge and uses Emil’s argument as justification for him to kill Mr Málek and steal whatever money was in Mr Málek’s shop. When Jan tells Emil about this, Emil is horrified and begins to wonder whether Fr Müller was right about his paper after all. He convinces his friend to let him return some of the money to Mr Málek’s widow and helps him make plans for leaving Prague to go to America.

Pavel offers Emil advice on a new paper and lends him his New Testament after pointing out a relevant passage. The paper is brought to the attention of Father Schrenck who takes it to Monsignor von Brennan, pointing out that the wording of the Bible quote is that of a protestant translation of the Bible, forbidden in the seminary. The rector hopes that this will result in Emil being expelled from the seminary and the archbishop’s involvement with the seminary being reduced, but Monsignor von Brennan sees this as an opportunity to bring Emil directly into gathering evidence against the von Tábor family.

When Emil is summoned to see the archbishop, he assumes that they have caught Jan and discovered his involvement in helping Jan escape, but is surprised to learn that the archbishop and his secretary want him to help them collect evidence about Pavel von Tábor and, if possible, his family. They arrange for Emil to meet secretly with the archbishop under the guise of assisting an elderly priest at a parish in the Mála Strana.

During the course of these meetings, Emil becomes drawn to the archbishop, finding in him the father for whom he had longed his whole life. When the archbishop responds with kindness at a point where Emil had expected him to treat him with scorn, Emil decides at last to abandon his plans to kill the archbishop and instead enjoy the growing relationship that the archbishop has offered him.

Jan is arrested after being caught stealing food from a passenger on the train to Trieste. Monsignor von Brennan brings the news of Jan’s arrest to Sister Agnes and tells her that Jan has confessed to the murder of Mr Málek. He will be brought to Prague the next day to face trial. When Sister Agnes is on her way to the castle in the morning to see Jan, she meets Emil and tells him of Jan’s arrest and confession.

Emil fears that Jan will confess Emil’s role in abetting him after the murder of Mr Málek and decides that his hopes of being able to establish a father-son relationship with the archbishop are impossible. The only way forward is to return to his original plan and kill the archbishop to avenge his mother. He meets the archbishop and stabs him after telling him that he is doing to avenge his mother. The archbishop is only able to say a few words before he collapses to the ground, “I—I didn’t—I’m not—”

Emil goes to his mother’s apartment and tells her what he has done for her. At first she is shocked and disbelieving, but upon realizing that Emil truly has done what he said he has, she lets slip the fact that the archbishop was not, in fact, Emil’s father. Despite her protestations that the archbishop was a bad man for sending her into the streets as he did, Emil runs from her home, conscious of the fact that he has killed an innocent man.

[JTB]

first quick impressions - reads like a long winded explanation of what your story is about, not a synopisis; and it's way to long. I'm under the impression that 12p double or 1.5 spaced it should sit on one side of a4.

post a condensed version

[Quill]

EMIL SIROTEK is a foundling living in a Catholic orphanage in Prague at the beginning of the twentieth century. As a foundling he finds himself at the bottom social tier among the boys of the orphanage. Other boys might have some family still outside the orphanage, or at least memories of a parent now deceased. Emil longs for the embrace of a family, but only gets rare compliments for his school work rather than love.

Maybe rewrite to avoid using the same word in adjacent sentences: foundling, foundling, orphanage, orphanage, family, family. Also, I would like to know Emil's age.

One morning Emil overhears SISTER AGNES and another nun talking and discovers that they knew his mother. Searching the orphanage record book, he discovers that MAGDA HOCHOVÁ was one of the nuns who had worked at the orphanage.

The second clause does not follow the first. Who is Magda? Is she the other nun? Is she the mother?

Next to her name he finds an address on Krakovská Street, which he learns from another of the boys at the orphanage is Prague’s prostitution district.

Omit street name.

He sneaks out of the orphanage at night and locates his mother. He has found a family at last.

Omit second sentence, or brighten up.

She tells him that his father is THE ARCHBISHOP and blames him for the fact that she has been forced into prostitution

Unclear who the second "him" is. Does it refer to the first him (Emil) or to the ARCH?

rather than being allowed to remain a nun or even become a servant with a wealthy family.

A lot for one sentence.

When she asks him

A third "him." Who is it?

to seek vengeance

Wouldn't seek revenge be more proper?

against the archbishop on her behalf, he agrees.

Emil? How old is this boy?

He decides that his best chance to get close enough to the archbishop to hurt him is to enter the minor seminary,

By "enter" it is not clear whether he will steal into a room or enroll in a program or what. I don't know what a minor seminary is.

which, along with the orphanage, is one of the archbishop’s special concerns.

Find something stronger than "special concerns." A concern invokes either problem or business venture.

MONSIGNOR VON BRENNAN, the archbishop’s secretary, prides himself in being indispensable to the archbishop, letting no one and nothing through to the archbishop which he hasn’t personally approved, controlling the small details of the archdiocese so the archbishop can focus on the big picture.

Shorten this long introduction of telling not showing, because the plot has halted here completely.

In a rush to present his case for defrocking a priest,

A detail we do not need here.

he accidentally gives the archbishop the letter requesting that Emil’s application to the minor seminary be considered. The archbishop finds the idea of combining his interests in the orphanage and seminary intriguing and orders that Emil’s application be reviewed.

Good but find action verbs to replace "considered" and "reviewed." Your other verbs here are also weak, "gives" and "finds". So the prose comes across flat.

FATHER SCHRENCK, the rector of the seminary wants little more than to be allowed to rule his domain undisturbed.

Also kind of flat and convoluted. "Little more" is especially weak.

The occasional visits from the archbishop and the use of students as altar boys at the cathedral is as much involvement as he cares to have with the archbishop. The fact that there are heretical works circulating among the students is a problem he would prefer to deal with on his own.

The previous sentence and these two should perhaps be combined and brightened. The middle sentence ("The occasional visit...") is the best; maybe build around it. Work it from an action angle rather than descriptive. What happens? That is what a synopsis is about.

When the archbishop wants to have a foundling admitted as a student, a child whose parents are unknown, he hoped to have an ally in Monsignor von Brennan but found the archbishop’s secretary was quick to agree with the archbishop after raising initial doubts. Furthermore, Monsignor von Brennan begins meeting with the rector on a regular basis and digging into the internal workings of the seminary.

Again, the conflict needs to be sharpened, made more clear. It seems like too much considering going on. If considering is really the crux, make it exciting. Strengthen the verbs "wants" "hoped" "found" "begins" "digging".

The monsignor, for his part, sees Emil as a possible means

Omit modifiers "for his part" and "possible".

of learning

To learn, is stronger.

more

Omit.

about the circulation of heretical books and gathering

To gather.

enough evidence to bring down the wealthy and powerful family whose son, PAVEL VON TÁBOR, he believes is responsible for the introduction of the materials into the seminary.

Emil begins his studies at the seminary, shining in his academics,

Excelling in his academics, is stronger.

but discovering that just like at the orphanage, being too smart causes rifts with his classmates. When he is chosen to be a member of the cathedral acolytes,

What is this group?

the boys who had been

Omit.

his friends break off their relationship with him

Relationships. And, awkward. Relationships is too writerly for boys.

That's all I've got time for today. Good luck!

[Emily J]

EMIL SIROTEK is a foundling good word! living in a Catholic orphanage in Prague at the beginning of the twentieth century. As a foundling need comma he finds himself at the bottom social tier among the boys of the orphanage. Other boys might have some family still outside the orphanage, or at least memories of a parent now deceased. The other boys have family outside the orphanage, or at least ..." Emil longs for the embrace of a family, but only gets rare compliments for his school work rather than love.

One morning Emil overhears SISTER AGNES and another nun talking and discovers that they knew his mother. Searching the orphanage record book, he discovers that MAGDA HOCHOVÁ was one of the nuns who had worked at the orphanage. I am missing something here, why does he track down this nun in particular? [/color ] Next to her name he finds an address on Krakovská Street, which he learns from another of the boys at the orphanage is Prague’s prostitution district. How he knows is irrelevant, "Next to her name he finds an address within Prague's seedy prostitution district" something like that

He sneaks out of the orphanage at night and locates his mother. Wait, is Madga his mother? I thought he was tracking down a nun? He has found a family at last. She tells him that his father is THE ARCHBISHOP and blames him for the fact that she has been forced into prostitution rather than being allowed to remain a nun or even become a servant with a wealthy family. Sentence seems long cut the part about becoming a servant, seems unnecesary When she asks him to seek vengeance against the archbishop on her behalf, he agrees. He decides that his best chance to get close enough to the archbishop to hurt him is to enter the minor seminary, which, along with the orphanage, is one of the archbishop’s special concerns.

MONSIGNOR VON BRENNAN, the archbishop’s secretary, prides himself in being indispensable to the archbishop, letting no one and nothing through to the archbishop which he hasn’t personally approved, controlling the small details of the archdiocese so the archbishop can focus on the big picture. Long sentence, too many commas In a rush to present his case for defrocking a priest, he accidentally gives the archbishop the letter requesting that Emil’s application to the minor seminary be considered. Is Von Brennan a major character? His characterization seems strange, he is meticulous than immediately makes a mistake? The archbishop finds the idea of combining his interests in the orphanage and seminary intriguing and orders that Emil’s application be reviewed.

FATHER SCHRENCK, the rector of the seminary wants little more than to be allowed to rule his domain undisturbed. The occasional visits from the archbishop and the use of students as altar boys at the cathedral is as much involvement as he cares to have with the archbishop. The fact that there are heretical works circulating among the students is a problem he would prefer to deal with on his own. When the archbishop wants to have a foundling admitted as a student, a child whose parents are unknown, he hoped to have an ally in Monsignor von Brennan but found the archbishop’s secretary was quick to agree with the archbishop after raising initial doubts. Furthermore, Monsignor von Brennan begins meeting with the rector on a regular basis and digging into the internal workings of the seminary. This could be a bit more clear. I had to read it over a few times to understand the character's motivations. The first two sentences also seem rather superfluous.

Possible reworking:
When the archbishop wants to have a foundling admitted as a student, Father Scherenck, the rector of the seminary strongly objects. Father Schrenck wants only to rule his domain undisturbed and balks at the idea of a child whose parentage is uncertain.

This is just a guess at what you are trying to say, but this paragraph could be more concise. And I'm not sure how the heretical texts or the altar boys fit into the rest of the paragraph.

The monsignor, for his part, sees Emil as a possible means of learning more about the circulation of heretical books and gathering enough evidence to bring down the wealthy and powerful family whose son, PAVEL VON TÁBOR, he believes is responsible for the introduction of the materials into the seminary. Not sure I understand this, is he ingratiating himself with Emil to garner his cooperation? Why does he think Emil will help bust Pavel?

Emil begins his studies at the seminary, shining in his academics, but discovering that just like at the orphanage, being too smart causes rifts with his classmates. When he is chosen to be a member of the cathedral acolytes, the boys who had been his friends break off their relationship agree with other commenter that this should be rephrase, "When he is chosen to be a member of the cathedral acolytes, his former friends snub Emil and he finds himself a social pariah." something like that with him and Emil finds himself socially isolated. In some ways, Emil’s only friend has become JAN CHUDÁK, a former classmate from the orphanage. What do you mean "in some ways" why not say he's Emil's only friend? Jan has run away from the carpenter, MR MÁLEK, to whom he had been apprenticed after Mr Málek broke his arm.

Pavel von Tábor, the unofficial leader of the cathedral acolytes takes Emil under his wing. He does what he can to make Emil feel welcome, offering him friendship serial comma here and guidance while trying to influence him towards his own views on the role of the church. And those views are what?

As Emil studies at the seminary, he comes to the conclusion that the best way to avenge his mother is to kill the archbishop and begins directing his studies towards justifying his plan. In his moral theology class he writes a paper where he argues that the death penalty should be applicable if someone keeps someone from living their vocation, whether it is a secular profession or religious life because that person effectively has taken the other person’s life. Sentence is a bit unwieldly

When Emil presents this paper, he is disappointed that his teacher, FATHER MÜLLER, strongly critiques Emil’s argument and cites St Augustine about how it was better to heal the sinner than to seek vengeance. Nevertheless, Emil boasts about the paper to Jan, telling him that he used Jan as an example in his paper.

Jan seizes on this knowledge and uses Emil’s argument as justification for him to kill Mr Málek and steal whatever money was in Mr Málek’s shop. When Jan tells Emil about this, Emil is horrified and begins to wonder whether Fr period here after abbreviation i think? Müller was right about his paper after all. He convinces his friend to let him return some of the money to Mr Málek’s widow and helps him make plans for leaving Prague to go to America.

Pavel offers Emil advice on a new paper and lends him his New Testament after pointing out a relevant passage. The paper is brought to the attention of Father Schrenck who takes it to Monsignor von Brennan, pointing out that the wording of the Bible quote is that of a protestant translation of the Bible, forbidden in the seminary. The rector hopes that this will result in Emil being expelled from the seminary and the archbishop’s involvement with the seminary being reduced, but Monsignor von Brennan sees this as an opportunity to bring Emil directly into gathering evidence against the von Tábor family.

When Emil is summoned to see the archbishop, he assumes that they have caught Jan and discovered his involvement in helping Jan escape, but is surprised to learn that the archbishop and his secretary want him to help them collect evidence about Pavel von Tábor and, if possible, his family. They arrange for Emil to meet secretly with the archbishop under the guise of assisting an elderly priest at a parish in the Mála Strana.

During the course of these meetings, Emil becomes drawn to the archbishop, finding in him the father for whom he had longed his whole life. When the archbishop responds with kindness at a point where Emil had expected him to treat him with scorn, Emil decides at last to abandon his plans to kill the archbishop and instead enjoy the growing relationship that the archbishop has offered him. Shorten this to: "After experiencing the kindness of the Archbishop, Emil abandons his plan to kill his father, and instead enjoys their deepening friendship."

Jan is arrested after being caught stealing food from a passenger on the train to Trieste. Monsignor von Brennan brings the news of Jan’s arrest to Sister Agnes and tells her that Jan has confessed to the murder of Mr Málek. He will be brought to Prague the next day to face trial. When Sister Agnes is on her way to the castle in the morning to see Jan, do we need to know it's in a castle or in the morning? she meets Emil and tells him of Jan’s arrest and confession.

Emil fears that Jan will confess Emil’s role in abetting him after the murder of Mr Málek and decides that his hopes of being able to establish a father-son relationship with the archbishop are impossible. I think you could flesh out the logic of this a bit more The only way forward is to return to his original plan and kill the archbishop to avenge his mother. Again, why? How does killing the Archbishop help him avoid the fallout from his helping Jan? Honestly to me it sounds like killing Jan would be a better idea! He meets the archbishop and stabs him after telling him that he is doing to avenge his mother. "that he is doing to avenge his mother" is not correct. "He meets the archbishop and stabs him after teeling him that he is avenging his mother." But still, now that the murder finally happens this sentence seems a bit anti-climatic. You could spice it up a bitThe archbishop is only able to say a few words before he collapses to the ground, “I—I didn’t—I’m not—” There isn't really a terminal punctuation here is there?

Emil goes to his mother’s apartment and tells her what he has done for her. At first she is shocked and disbelieving, but upon realizing that Emil truly has done what he said he has, she lets slip the fact that the archbishop was not, in fact, Emil’s father. That's quite a slip!! Despite her protestations that the archbishop was a bad man for sending her into the streets as he did, How did he send her onto the streets exactly? Emil runs from her home, conscious of the fact that he has killed an innocent man.

Certainly doesn't have a happy ending does it?
I like your storyline, full of intrigue and machinations.