Thriller Query (Genre, that is). Open to Suggestions!

[lachrymal]

ditto the other positive feedback!

A completely subjective comment:
The only thing I'm really missing is the connection between Cameron's situation and Kyle's. It's almost like you're telling two different stories, although the connection is stated in the third paragraph. If there were any way for you to add even one phrase that indicates how they might even find out about each other (because I'm assuming they have never met and would not otherwise know of each other's existence), that would be helpful.

Below is total nitpicking.
The sentence about the mental hospital: "and an eerie mental hospital with locked doors, empty gurneys, and guttural screams" read a little bit awkward to me, but can easily be fixed by adding the word "filled" before the word "with" or writing "deserted halls that echo with gutteral screams"

The sentence includes the section "...closer together, and together..."--could you change the first together to "each other" to avoid the repetition?

[premrao]

I love your writing style for this query- crisp and direct. It has the makings of a fine query.

Suggestions: Am not sure " awesome agent " would be appropriate. As I said, I am not sure:)

[AEK]

Premrao--thanks for the encouraging words!
Just a side-note ... Awesome Agent was only for this post!

[ddegreeff]

Agreed, this story sounds like it has some heat to it, but an agent is definitely going to want to know more about the story if they're going to request a larger sample. My largest issue is: what are the characters fighting against? You say the crimes in Faith are all seemingly unrelated, so are they? If so, that doesn't really amount to more than a temporary problem. What else is left to solve? What or who is the protagonist? Just give a bit more, and if it's as fun as the rest has been, you should be on the right track.