THE SKATER: YA Science/Fantasy Fiction

[jenad]

Thank you to anyone who takes the opportunity to read my query and help! My biggest issue right now and deciding if my novel is science fiction or fantasy--or both. It's the first draft, so please make it bleed! Thanks!


Dear …:

“The Skater is born that day. He’s a hero to represent all of us in times when there’s no hope. There’s no list of requirements to become a hero. You don’t need to be super to make a difference in the world or even a neighborhood. With the right amount of drive and determination, a hero can be born. If a boy ridden with guilt—haunted by his past—can become a hero, why can’t everyone else?”

Jack Thompson is a high school senior growing up in projects of Brooklyn under the neglectful watch of his foster parents. He’s the deemed loner, the outsider, the freak. He wanders the hallways every day without being noticed, and he’s okay with that. Jack would rather blend into the background than have his classmates discover the harsh truths he tries so hard to hide. They don’t understand the guilt, burdens, and power he harbors. Jack holds himself responsible for the death of his entire family.

After accompanying his parents on one of their work exhibits in the bitter Alaskan winter when he was fifteen, Jack’s selfish nature caused the spirits of the Northern Lights to punish him. By creating a terrible winter storm, Jack’s parents and brother were killed. The spirits granted him with the power to create ice; he is the embodiment of the very storm that killed his family. With these powers Jack must live with the constant reminder that fateful day. To live in a normal world with such an extraordinary curse isolates him even more from the society already he feels so disconnected with.

Once Jack saves her from a carjacking, it is Vera Anderson, the girl with the petite frame and fiery personality, who sees Jack for what he is destined to be: a hero. She works with him to put the guilt aside and be free. The affection they feel for each other is mutual, but they both fear the longing and dependence that accompanies their relationship. They keep their own secrets from one another, but every secret is bound to come out; the longer a secret stays hidden, the larger the consequences. And little does Jack know that his actions are slowly driving someone he’d least expect to murder.

As a writer, I have had short stories and poems published in national anthologies. Currently studying as a literature major, I am a debut author with a passion for books.

THE SKATER is a young adult science/fantasy fiction story that is 70,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Sincerely,

[waughwright]

I like the character and I want to find out more, but not here. There's too much information, but it comes out almost like there are different stories within it.

“The Skater is born that day. He’s a hero to represent all of us in times when there’s no hope. There’s no list of requirements to become a hero. You don’t need to be super to make a difference in the world or even a neighborhood. With the right amount of drive and determination, a hero can be born. If a boy ridden with guilt—haunted by his past—can become a hero, why can’t everyone else?”
/quote]
Here he sounds like a hero with no powers, but then you contradict that down below.

Jack Thompson is a high school senior growing up in projects of Brooklyn under the neglectful watch of his foster parents. He’s the deemed loner, the outsider, the freak. He wanders the hallways every day without being noticed, and he’s okay with that. Jack would rather blend into the background than have his classmates discover the harsh truths he tries so hard to hide. They don’t understand the guilt, burdens, and power he harbors. Jack holds himself responsible for the death of his entire family.

-Don't like deemed as an adjective.
-I'm not sure he can be both a freak and not noticed.

After accompanying his parents on one of their work exhibits in the bitter Alaskan winter when he was fifteen, Jack’s selfish nature caused the spirits of the Northern Lights to punish him. By creating a terrible winter storm, Jack’s parents and brother were killed. The spirits granted him with the power to create ice; he is the embodiment of the very storm that killed his family. With these powers Jack must live with the constant reminder that fateful day. To live in a normal world with such an extraordinary curse isolates him even more from the society already he feels so disconnected with.

-I would cut this one down to a couple of sentences.

Once Jack saves her from a carjacking, it is Vera Anderson, the girl with the petite frame and fiery personality, who sees Jack for what he is destined to be: a hero. She works with him to put the guilt aside and be free. The affection they feel for each other is mutual, but they both fear the longing and dependence that accompanies their relationship. They keep their own secrets from one another, but every secret is bound to come out; the longer a secret stays hidden, the larger the consequences. And little does Jack know that his actions are slowly driving someone he’d least expect to murder.

-is this the story? Because it just changed its tone. At least mention the relationship in the first paragraph.
-the last sentence makes no sense.

As a writer, I have had short stories and poems published in national anthologies. Currently studying as a literature major, I am a debut author with a passion for books.

THE SKATER is a young adult science/fantasy fiction story that is 70,000 words.

-let the agents know which anthologies.
-make sure you say it's finished