Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

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Shipple
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Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

Post by Shipple » August 12th, 2012, 10:03 pm

Sounds like you did just fine without us. I hope it works out. Good luck!
"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much." - J.K. Rowling (an awesome opening line)
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gnf
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Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

Post by gnf » August 12th, 2012, 10:09 pm

WOW! This ratcheted the action up! SO glad to hear you landed an agent. Keep us posted on how the consideration of the manuscript goes. CONGRATULATIONS!
LaurenNTaylor wrote:Dear

Rosa has to run, her life depends on it. Another life now depends on her too: The one growing inside her.

Resembling the concentric rings of a tree trunk the concrete rings of the Woodlands shoot up out of the ground, tall and menacing. But unlike a tree, the rings don’t mark growth or change; they are a symbol of fear and control. Each ring opens when you reach a certain age but once you’re 18 and old enough to make it to the last one, Ring 8, the great claw of the Superiors plucks you from your home and you’re forced to start all over again. You will never see your parents, your home ever again. You are always moving; you can never put down roots.

The contradiction is not lost on Rosa. Her town; Brasilwood is identical to the other 7 towns. All enclosed, all ruled by the harsh and punishing Superiors. No one gets in and no one gets out, unless taken out. No one has even tried. The people are disconnected, past caring. But not Rosa, an impulsive 16-year-old with a smart mouth. Her rebellious nature gets her in trouble but it could also be her greatest strength.

When the Superiors decide to increase their control by removing the need for families, they didn’t count on Rosa. They take girls from the Classes, the place all teenagers are sent after they leave their hometown for training and occupation allocation, drug them and impregnate them. They didn’t realise taking Rosa could be their undoing. She is different to the rest of these dopey pregnant girls. She is resistant to the drugs because of her extraordinary will. She is fearless and is likely to act first and think later.

She will escape. And when she does, they will chase her. Forcing her to flee into the wilderness where nature has overrun any remnant of a human presence. It is as foreign to Rosa as it is to the Superiors. But she has a strong will to survive and a strong love to protect.

THE WOODLANDS is my young adult, dystopian novel of 82,000 words. I am currently writing the second book of what I hope will be a trilogy. I am the author and artist of the Me and my Monster Studio collection. I have also had my research paper published in the scientific journal Birth for which I won the best article of the year in 2004. I live in the Adelaide Hills with my husband and 3 lively and individual children.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
WOW! This ratcheted the action up! SO glad to hear you landed an agent. Keep us posted on how the consideration of the manuscript goes. CONGRATULATIONS!

suef
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Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

Post by suef » August 13th, 2012, 8:43 pm

Congrats! I wish you all the best :D

LaurenNTaylor
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Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

Post by LaurenNTaylor » September 1st, 2012, 1:33 am

Thanks everyone. Haven't landed an agent yet, just a full MS request but fingers crossed!!

I am still battling this query demon though. Here are three different ones. Can you tell me which one you like best?

QUERY 1:
Dear

Rosa has to run, her life depends on it. Another life now depends on her too: The one growing inside her.

Resembling the concentric rings of a tree trunk the concrete rings of the Woodlands shoot up out of the ground, tall and menacing. But unlike a tree, the rings don’t mark growth or change; they are a symbol of fear and control. Each ring opens when you reach a certain age but once you’re 18 and old enough to make it to the last one, Ring 8, the great claw of the Superiors plucks you from your home and you’re forced to start all over again. You will never see your parents, your home ever again. You are always moving; you can never put down roots.

The contradiction is not lost on Rosa. Her town; Brasilwood is identical to the other 7 towns. All enclosed, all ruled by the harsh and punishing Superiors. No one gets in and no one gets out, unless taken out. No one has even tried. The people are disconnected, past caring. But not Rosa, an impulsive 16-year-old with a smart mouth. Her rebellious nature gets her in trouble but it could also be her greatest strength.

When the Superiors decide to increase their control by removing the need for families, they didn’t count on Rosa. They take girls from the Classes, the place all teenagers are sent after they leave their hometown for training and occupation allocation, drug them and impregnate them. They didn’t realise taking Rosa could be their undoing. She is different to the rest of these dopey pregnant girls. She is resistant to the drugs because of her extraordinary will. She is fearless and is likely to act first and think later.

She will escape. And when she does, they will chase her. Forcing her to flee into the wilderness where nature has overrun any remnant of a human presence. It is as foreign to Rosa as it is to the Superiors. But she has a strong will to survive and a strong love to protect.

THE WOODLANDS is my young adult, dystopian novel of 82,000 words. I am currently writing the second book of what I hope will be a trilogy. I am the author and artist of the Me and my Monster Studio collection. I have also had my research paper published in the scientific journal Birth for which I won the best article of the year in 2004. I live in the Adelaide Hills with my husband and 3 lively and individual children.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

QUERY 2:

Dear....

THE WOODLANDS is the story of Rosa, an impulsive 16-year-old with a smart mouth and a penchant for trouble. She is on the run from an extremely controlling dystopian regime: The Woodlands, the settlement built in Russia by the survivors of World War 5. The Superiors regulate the towns with cruelty and fear.

After doing the unthinkable and standing up to her teacher, Rosa is beaten unconscious. She wakes up 4 months later, pregnant; later discovering she is part of a sinister plan to eliminate the need for families and control the genetic composition of the population. Burdened by a baby, she flees; encountering other fugitives along the way, including a love she had long given up hope of ever seeing again. Together they face wolves, bears, starvation and the ever-present threat of the Superiors, as they battle their way across the Russian wilderness towards the Mongolian border.

THE WOODLANDS is my young adult, dystopian novel of 82,000 words. I am currently writing the second book of what I hope will be a trilogy. I am the author and artist of the Me and my Monster Studio collection. I have also had my research paper published in the scientific journal Birth for which I won the best article of the year in 2004. I live in the Adelaide Hills with my husband and 3 lively and individual children.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

QUERY 3:

If she had known this was the day, would she have done anything different? Could she have stopped the horrible events that unfolded before her eyes?

Maybe.

Probably not.

Rosa is a 16-year-old smart mouth with a dangerous attitude. She makes impulsive and often poor choices. Not a good way to be when you live in the harshly controlled, concrete compounds of the Woodlands. It is her weakness and her greatest strength. It’s why Joseph fell in love with her. But it’s also why she gets kicked out of the Classes in a spectacularly violent and final way.

Rosa can’t help herself. She doesn’t really want to.

When she wakes up in an underground facility, pregnant and captive the first thing she thinks is: She’s glad she vomited on the creepy, smiling doctor’s clean pants. The second thing she thinks is: Escape.

I wrote this story because I had to. Two months ago I had an idea. I sat down, started writing and found I couldn’t stop. I am 32 years old. I live in Ironbank with my husband and 3 crazy children. I love young adult fiction. This was the most enjoyable and exciting thing I have ever done. I have started book 2 of what I hope will be a trilogy.


Thank you very much for your consideration.

Sincerely,


THANKS!!!!!!!!

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