1. Can only watch - I rearranged the order in which this sentance appears. Hopefully now that it comes AFTER the line about please for temperance, it will imply that his friends have tried to reign him in.
Works much better that way, now they seem helpless and frustrated - adds texture
2. "peers" - It was in quotes to suggest that the bumbling morons destoriyng his investigation are anything but Ben's peers. It was confusing though and not necessarily important to the query so I removed it.
3. My story's main character is a good cop (and the guy you are supposed to be rooting for) who starts to morph into someone you wouldn't necesarily like. Would that turn you off to reading the story? If the protagonist became an antagonist? Would you keep reading to find out if he reddems himself or gets lost to corruption, or would you just put it down?
Personally, I like stuff that is dark and drifts towards the morally ambiguous. I think it's more interesting. Huge fan of Glen Cook's Black Company series for instance, if you've read that. Given the popularity of shows like Breaking Bad, Dexter and the TV version of Game of Thrones, I'd imagine you won't have problems finding an audience.
Besides, as someone pointed out to me, Starling is a great hero on her own, but it's Lector that makes that story so damn fun!
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