The purest form of advertising

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Falls Apart
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Re: The purest form of advertising

Post by Falls Apart » March 29th, 2012, 10:21 pm

Well, this is a very, very good start, and it sounds like a gripping book, but there's always room for improvement. I'll try not to be too hard on you, since you're new to this site, but I'm sure you also want some constructive criticism. For starters, make sure you use proper spacing between words, and don't add random line breaks. Basic grammar is pesky, I know, but it's a strange quirk of agents to like it. Additionally, while I find your concept intriguing and am already wondering what will happen to these characters whom I've already fallen in love with--Mullberry Bayswater, our heroine, Replica Luis Vuiton, her dashing lover, and, of course most especially, the roguish Mulberry Daria Motorola clutch in Night time time--you may want to cut down on the graphic violence. I'd consider my tolerance for that sort of thing to be fairly high, but the mentions of "fulfilling the specifications" did make me rather queasy.

On the whole, however, a great start, and with a few minor edits should make this query the darling of agents everywhere, and you the envy of all us lowly, striving authors. Because, trust me--this one is a readymade bestseller. A couple last notes - you forgot to include the book's title and wordcount, which is generally necessary, "t3sh33pg" may be slightly misspelled, and, lastly, there is a tad too much product placement. But only a tad.

:P

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Hillsy
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Re: The purest form of advertising

Post by Hillsy » March 30th, 2012, 5:20 am

#APPLAUSE

Sleeping Beauty
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Re: The purest form of advertising

Post by Sleeping Beauty » March 30th, 2012, 8:31 am

You've got a real ear for the most beautiful phrases - 'moc croc embossed' being my particular favourite. But on the most part, I agree with Falls Apart. Have you been through the Bransforum archives and Query Shark?

:lol:

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GaoYuQing
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Re: The purest form of advertising

Post by GaoYuQing » May 10th, 2012, 9:44 am

This made me laugh out loud.
*looks around sheepishly as co-workers stare*

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