THE FIRST 22: YA fantasy VS.2

[geogstacey]

Dear Awesome Agent,

Before the car accident, sixteen-year-old Derek Weber thought the biggest challenges in life were on the football field--now he's learning there are even greater challenges to face after death, when he becomes a reaper
.
Derek assimilates into the magical underworld populated by reapers who deliver souls from this life to the next. Under the supervision of his mentor, he tackles rigorous training to master collecting the souls of the sick, learning to heal, and invisibility. His final test of the apprenticeship is to ferry the souls to the underworld and deliver them safely to the gates of heaven and hell where he gets attacked, and the shipment of souls is hijacked by two rogue reapers.

Now, the gate keeper of heaven has threatened war on the reaping world if the souls aren’t returned within two weeks. Derek must travel to the underworld and take on violent human eating giants, vanity despising merpeople and amnesia induced rivers to find the two culprits responsible and deliver the souls back to heaven before all hell breaks loose.

Complete at 50,000 words, THE FIRST 22 is YA fantasy.

[melanieconklin]

The first paragraph is backstory--though we may LOVE to read this in the novel, you need a more exciting first line in a query. In fact "normal teenager" sounds boring, right? So why start there?

Tell us why we care to read the query:

Before the car accident, sixteen-year-old Derek Weber thought the biggest challenges in life were on the football field--now he's learning the there are even greater challenges to face after death, when he becomes a reaper.

then tell us how the conflict increases, the choice he faces, and the consequences of his choice....

It's interesting, so get revising!

[geogstacey]

Version 3

Dear _______,

Before the car accident, sixteen-year-old Derek thought the biggest challenges in life were on a football field. Now, he's learning there are even greater challenges to face—after death, when he becomes a reaper.

Derek joins the magical world of reapers where he travels between the earthly realm, the reaper realm and the underworld delivering souls from this life to the next. Soul-collecting, healing and invisibility are only a few of the myriad skills that he learns. In order to receive his reaper’s pin, the mark of a graduated reaper (Couldn’t escape homework in death either!) he has to pass the final test, ferry the souls to the underworld and deliver them to the gates of heaven and hell…which is where everything goes wrong when two rogue reapers hijack Derek’s shipment of souls.

Heaven’s gatekeeper has threatened war against the reaper world if the souls aren’t returned, and quickly. Derek must travel to the underworld and take on flesh-eating giants, psychotic merpeople and amnesia induced rivers to find the culprits responsible and deliver the souls back to heaven before all hell breaks loose.

Complete at 50,000 words, THE FIRST 22 is YA fantasy based on the first 22 weeks of a reapers life.