Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA

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bstratford
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Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA

Post by bstratford » October 24th, 2011, 10:07 am

When JJ, a Manhattan high school senior, finds and delivers a mysterious letter, he is unwillingly thrust into the heart of a conspiracy led by the dragon living under Central Park.

Identified as the only person who can recover the magically hidden codex, JJ needs protection from the dragon's goons. He finds it in the mysterious freedom fighters of the Cyngor am Ryddid who are intent on thwarting the dragon. But when the dragon abducts his mother and demands the codex in exchange, JJ discovers who his true friends are. Relentlessly pursued across New York by the dragon's network of police, goons and harpies, JJ and his friends must recover the codex and find the secrets needed to save his mother and defeat the dragon named Avarice.

My first novel, AVARICE'S HOARD, complete at 71,000 words, is a young adult fantasy and the first of a potential trilogy. Thank you for your time and consideration.

theresatroutman
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Re: Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA

Post by theresatroutman » October 25th, 2011, 9:30 am

When JJ, a Manhattan high school senior, finds and delivers a mysterious letter, he is unwillingly thrust into the heart of a conspiracy led by the dragon living under Central Park. If he finds the letter, how does he know who to delievry it to? Is he forced to deliver the letter?

Identified as the only person who can recover the magically hidden codex, JJ needs protection from the dragon's goons. He finds it in the mysterious freedom fighters of the Cyngor am Ryddid who are intent on thwarting the dragon. But when the dragon abducts his mother and demands the codex in exchange, JJ discovers who his true friends are. Relentlessly pursued across New York by the dragon's network of police, goons and harpies, JJ and his friends must recover the codex and find the secrets needed to save his mother and defeat the dragon named Avarice. What does the codex do that makes everyone want it?
My first novel, AVARICE'S HOARD, complete at 71,000 words, is a young adult fantasy and the first of a potential trilogy. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Overall, not bad. I just would like the first part clarifed a little more. From a reader's perspective, I want to know why JJ was chosen to deliver the letter. "finds and delivers" makes it sound as if the letter just fell in his lap and I'm sure that's not what really happens in your story. Being specific on this point might make the hook a little stronger. Good Luck!

thewhipslip
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Re: Query: Avarice's Hoard - YA

Post by thewhipslip » November 28th, 2011, 11:21 am

bstratford wrote:When JJ, a Manhattan high school senior, finds and delivers a mysterious letter, he is unwillingly thrust into the heart of a conspiracy led by the dragon living under Central Park.Love the last part of this. I'd request on this alone.

Identified as the only person who can recover the magically hidden codex, JJ needs protection from the dragon's goons. He finds it in the mysterious freedom fighters of the Cyngor am Ryddid comma here who are intent on thwarting the dragon. But when the dragon abducts his mother and demands the codex in exchange, JJ discovers who his true friends are. Relentlessly pursued across New York by the dragon's network of police, goons and harpies, JJ and his friends must recover the codex and find the secrets needed to save his mother and defeat the dragon named Avarice.

My first novel, AVARICE'S HOARD, complete at 71,000 words, is a young adult fantasy and the first of a potential trilogy. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I think it's great!
http://elenasolodow.blogspot.com/ - Submit your 250-500 word excerpt to be read out loud in a vlog post!

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